Got one of those endless hang-up calls yesterday. My guess is that they're some kind of signal from OM to my W. Anyway, after the hang-up, I dialed *57 based on the suggestion of someone on this forum. (Sorry, I forget offhand who it was). This plugged me into Bell Atlantic's whole system for dealing with unwanted calls and I ended up dialing their toll-free # for info about this system. It's easy to set up and will trace ANY call, regardless of whether the caller uses *67 or some other method to prevent a callback. The phone company keeps a log of these traces for you. The problem is, they do not let YOU know what the number is. They give it to your local police instead.<P>Does anyone have experience actually DOING this with unwanted calls from OP's or others? The fact is, I'm extremely reluctant to involve the police in my life in any capacity. On the other hand, if these calls ARE from the OM (and there's no guarentee, I suppose, that they are), then this might be a way of finding out his ID. (Presumably, if I say I want to bring charges, they have to tell me who he is at some point?) This is what I'm really interested in, more than busting his @ss. (On the other hand, come to think of it, that's not such a bad idea either. Then I'd get some payback too!)<P>Ideas, suggestions, advice? I guess what I really want to know is, would it be worth all the trouble of involving the police just to find out who the OM is. (And even then, there's no guarentee this would happen.) R & B,<P>--Wex

I am clueless. But if your caller is using a calling card, I don't think Bell Atlantic is going to be able to help you.<BR>Anybody have the info on this?<P>[This message has been edited by nander (edited October 18, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by nander (edited October 18, 1999).]

Sorry I can't help with this one, but, if they use a calling card then there really is no way to trace.<P>Does anyone know if the telephone company can tell me what calls were made from my house on any given day ? Is this information easy to obtain, her # is unlisted, but I know my H calls her on Monday morning to talk about where they will be meeting. I won't love bust <BR>even if I do find out, but at least I will be one step ahead.

Sad4ever,<BR> Have you considered bugging your phone, using a voice-activated tape recorder, on a hidden phone jack? It will pick up on every ingoing and outgoing call. Illegal, sure, but who's going to know. Even if your H found the bug, would he press charges against you?

you can get a detail of any outgoing phone calls from your homephone. call your phone co. and ask for the detail. usually one free and they will charge you for anymore yo want any given month. I did it for the first two months when my wife was obsessed. pretty obvious by frequency (called his office 3-4 times a day, called his pager 3-4 a day, left pager messages, checked her own work voice mail on weekends) very obvious signs. In my case she was not trying very hard to hide in beginning since she told me of attraction, but I did not think she would pursue. Later in 2nd month, I became aware she bought phone cards and even used them from home, probably was advised by OM to not leave trail. Those type of calls, (1-800) did not show up in the detail only local calls. and they are not considered long distance, not sure if you can get that info.

sweetpea, sadforever - I agree with sweetpea that tapping may be the way to go. It's not real difficult and is certainly cheap to do, especially if you already have a tape recorder with a remote jack. (The hard part may be concealing the tap and recorder.)<P>As to whether the phone company will tell you what calls were made from your H's phone on a given day, that depends on whose name the account is under. If it's in his name, they will ask you for some identifier, usually his mother's maiden name. But it doesn't matter if it's not him calling. As long as you can give them the account identifier, they should give you whatever information they have about his account. As to what numbers were called from his phone, I don't know if it depends on whether they're local or LD. But it shouldn't matter whether the person called has an unlisted number or not, I wouldn't think. (On my W's AOL LD bill, all the information is there, including numbers called from and numbers called to, length of call, etc., and I know some of the numbers are unlisted.) I'd say it's worth a shot (if you know your H's mother's maiden name!)<P>BTW (you should probably know this, since you're worried about "lovebusting") according to Dr. H, snooping ITSELF is a lovebuster. Doesn't matter whether your spouse knows you're doing it or not. And you know? Frankly, I don't let this bother me. I need to have information about my W's affair just to be able to deal with it in my own mind. So I make a personal exception for snooping. Bad, huh?<P>nander - Wouldn't they be able to trace either the calling card number itself or the number of the pay phone called from? Think also they can trace cell phones (I think the message I listened to said that they could do this.)<P>--Wex

Wex,<P>I used this method to detect my hanger-upper.<BR>The phone company sends some kind of letter to the offending party. Basically it says, "you're nailed, knock it off or charges will be filed against you". You will not at this point be advised of just who that offending party is.<P>However, in my case, the calls continued. The phone company asked if I wanted to press charges and when I agreed to, it was at this point that I got the name of the caller.<P>You guessed it right. It was the fat pig infidel ex-husband. It didn't surpise me at all that he thinks himslf above the law and just continued the calling after the warning.<P>In your case, since you're still searching for that elusive OM, I'd initiate the trace.<BR>I think most normal people would stop making the calls once they had been "caught". But, wouldn't your w mention something or ask you a question if her OM received a notice? Don't let her know you're doing it and throw a little problem into their infidel world. They most likey would not know just how much YOU know.<P>BTW, it sure has been a looong time for you. I'm sorry you're still here ... what a drag. All I can say is that for me, I still have tons of anger (some days) and detest infidels but life is GREAT without the fat pig. I considered listening to his crap but he was my H#2 and I just was never in the mood to recover and go through what I see here (recovery). I'm still here, reading and learning how to deal with that anger so that I can be half decent to my new SO.<BR>

izzy and everyone - Hey, what happened to MY question!?

It really starts going down hill guys when we start playing detective. But, been there and yes I would do it again. I'd trace the call through the phone company. Do that and push it to the max. Caller ID might work,and if they block it then why? Radio Shack has taping equipment, just ask they will get you out fitted. No this you could never use it in a court. It is not leagal in most states. Good luck-- Pat

Wex, I think your question was answered (see inshock).<P>If after the warning notice the caller persists then you get the name and can press charges.<P>I would ask you don't you want to get rid of the annoying calls anyway even if it isn't OM? At least then you've eliminated a possibilty. When they give you the name how will you know if it is OM or not?

I just saw or heard where a exboyfriend was arrested on federal wire tapping charges because he was tapping the phone of an old girl friend he was stalking. I guess he tapped her line where it went into her house. Apparently he had some sophisticated equipt. I guess this would be different than tapping your own phone however.<P>Have you tried the caller ID box. There are a number of free offers or you could buy the box and hide it. Unless your spouse reads the bill closely they won't see the charges.<P>I checked with my phone company about records of local calls and they don't keep track of them unless there is a problem. They would have to come out and put a box on the line and I wouldn't have been able to hide that.

Hi, Wex: Don't know too much about American phone services, but, a few years back, we were getting loads of porno garbage sent via our fax machine. As it was sent through the night, and from overseas, we were never able to get a record of who was sending the crap.<P>I finally got fed up, and called Bell Canada, and was told that if the calls were made through the day, I was given a phone # to call immediately after receiving the fax, and they would try to locate where the calls were coming from. They told me that I would not be involved any further, as the crime (send pornographic material) was being committed, using Bell's equipment, not mine, so they would press the charges. I did ask if they would let me know who had been sending them, and they told me, no, not under any circumstances.<P>Just thought I would pass that information to you. Perhaps your "phone laws" are different than ours in Canada. Take care, and good luck.<P>------------------<BR><BR>SUCCESS STORY<P>

Here is something that we did. We put privacy manager on our phone. Still have it. The person harassing us was using a calling card so could not be traced. When that person called, she got the privacy manager operator who asked her to leave her name (it's a recording). Of course, she didn't, couldn't, so the phone never rang again. It seemed to have worked for us.

Hi Wex<P>Sounds like too much trouble... If OM is using this line to contact your W then they probably chat on the same line when you are not home. Set up your recorder directly to the phone BOX in the basement. Add a phone jack to the main phone box and hook in recorder, place all this equipment in the floor boards above. Easy and never tell your W, be prepared for the gut wrenching chit chat too. There are other tools that would also record all out going #'s being placed as well but thats alot of money (cheaper to hire a P.I.).<P>Wex I am sorry you are still at this "catch" stage. GO with your GUT feelings and respect yourself enough to NOT take this crap. I think you have been in Plan A for quite awhile. Maybe it's time for Plan B now that you showed her what a great guy you are... <P>Good Luck<BR>_____________________________________________<BR>"Better to die on your feet than live on your knees"

Wex,<P>Can the phone records from the local company. I did the problem is that they came to the house and my wife got them first and threw them out. Second time she did the samething but I got them before the garbage man did. I could not believe what I saw. Lot's of phone calls the OM. Confronted her and still have not found a good answer. If I had to do it all over I would have tapped the phone. You only get one real shot so go for something that will give you hard proof. Then you can move forward one way or another. The phone records only show that they have talked for an extended period. It does not say what they talked about

Wex,<BR>Wouldn't you know I'd have to answer this post, right?? LOL. Yes, I did the *57 call trace thing. But at the time I did not know about the OW (remember this is the ignorant forever one). <P>I had been receiving many, many hang up phone calls. Also collect calls using my grown, out of the home but messing up, kids names. Of course when I'd accept the calls, figuring they were in some kind of trouble, the caller would laugh when connected and hang up. I'd then have another collect call on my bill. The worst part was when the caller would phone in the middle of the night, identifying himself as being from the County Coroners office,,saying they had the body of my child there and would I please come down to ID the body. And numerous other little nasty pranks. <P>I contacted the phone company (GTE) and they explained I had to have a police report number for them to trace the calls. I made a police report of harassing phone calls and got the *57 phone trace on my phone. After each annoying, fake or hang up phone call,,I'd press *57 and log that call. After a couple months, I was contacted and asked,,did I know anybody that lived in ______ area. I didn't. They gave me the prefix to the number,,I still didn't know.<P> Finally, they gave me the name (I think after they had contacted him & let him know that they knew what he was doing). They (the police) explained that it was a little dirtbag friend of one of my kids,,"just messing around" cause he was mad at my kid. They asked if I wanted to press charges. I didn't. I just told them I wanted the phone calls to stop.....and they did. <P>Anymore questions on this,,feel free to ask.

Nander,<P>You've peeked my interest. What exactly is a privacy manager? Do tell. <P>------------------<BR>The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.<BR>Helen Keller<BR>

Other than what everyone else has suggest I don't know what you can do...BUT if you do get a number can tell you how to find out(other than calling and asking) who it belongs to and address. It is how I found out who and where the OW was and lived!!!!<P>email me at ldybl@aol.com.....just put mb in message block.

Distrust:<BR>Privacy Manager is offered by the phone company. It's about $20/mo. You have to have caller i.d. to make it work. When calls are made to your number that are from calling cards or places that for some reason (I don't know why) are not identifiable, it shows up as unknown number or something similar on your caller i.d. Your phone will not ring. The caller gets a recording. The recording says, This number is not accepting any unidentified calls. Please identify your name, co., etc. (something like that). If the person does not reply, the call will not go through and the phone will not ring. So, if somebody is bugging you and they use a calling card, they cannot get through unless they identify themselves. But if someone is legititmately calling you like from a payphone, your phone will ring, they will identify themselves and you either accept or reject the call by pressing a #. There are some inconveniences, like if someone is legitamately calling you from a pay phone and you are not home to accept that call, it will not go to voice mail. They cannot get through.<P>Hope that makes sense. You may have to read it a few times. It will not help you find out who is calling but it WILL stop the calls.

Thanks everyone for your input and suggestions. I tried to reply yesterday, but lost my reply somehow in the midst of too manu Backs and Forwards, and then other stuff interfered (like work!) A bit rushed today too, so may not be able to thank everyone individually but will try to catch the ones addressed to me anyway.<P>Stonehenge - I have what I THINK may be the guy's license, make & model. I didn't actually see him and W in the car the two times that I was close enough to get this info, so can't be positive. But this car certainly looked a lot like the convertible I DID see them together in a couple of months before, only too far away (that time) to read the plates. Same color, same upholstery. Car I saw up close (twice) was also in the right place, near one of their rendezvous points and had out-of-state plates from the state where one of my prime suspects does live. (One of the close-up times, I also saw W walk past this car - alone, and she didn't spot me lurking! - about 10 minutes later. The other time when I got home, W had just gotten home too - mighty suspicious!) I know there are a couple of sites that run plates for you but haven't availed myself of this because I'm not absolutely positive this is OM's license. <P>Star - Thanks. I may do that.<P>Nrlycrzy - That is an amazing story. I'd just written a long replay to you yesterday when I lost my post before I was able to submit it and can go on at quite such length today. But it is a hopeful and useful story in the sense that you finally were able to get the kid's name from the cops. (I don't think it would be worthwhile for me to do if I couldn't get a name.) Hope you told the little dirtbags parents what he'd done!<P>Zip - Actually, I do have records of all LD calls from her office phone going back quite a ways in the form of phone bills (which I filched from one of her folders, copied, and then carefully put back in place). Didn't get much. There was no single number that really stood out as receiving a lot of calls from her. I know she has a calling card - one of my projects is to hack THAT account, if I can find out her mother's maiden name - and think that this is how she calls OM. I think he signals her with a hang-up and then she goes out on an "errand" and phones him. (Don't think he calls and talks to her on her office phone either.)<P>toronto - I've been reluctant to admit this - you never know who might be lurking out there - but I actually have had a basement tap on W's phone for a while now, at the connection box just as you describe. (Boy, did I learn about phones in the process.) But this hasn't turned anything up. Which is why I think she phones him when she's out, using her calling card, and he never - or seldom - phones her at home, except to signal her with a hangup. I'm telling you, if I had the money, I WOULD hire a P.I. and have been kicking myself for not doing this a couple of years ago when I could afford it.<P>nander - the only thing about that is that I want to find out who the guy is, as well as having him stop calling.<P>why me - That's what I'm afraid of. I'll go to all this trouble and then they won't tell me who it is. But at least it would bust up their neat little system. (I think the hangups are the way he signals her.)<P>RWD - Actually, I just realized that I could hide the caller ID box in the same place where I have my tap. I might do that. But W does look at the phone bills pretty carefully. Maybe I'll just do it for a month then take it off before she says something. Yeah.<P>awoken - Oh, I will know if it's OM. I have a short list of suspects! And your right. Might be worth doing anyway. I am definitely inclined in that direction.<P>Gotta go to a meeting. I'll be back in a while to finish up.<P>--Wex<BR>