No I don't have the book - but I will see what I can do about finding it for him. Thanks.

How are you ensuring NC with OM? [/quote]


Well - I guess I will offer my phone info and passwords to my husband. The OM I have talked to - I have never met and lives out of state - other than that - I don't know how to ensure it. I have told the OM that I can no longer talk to him in any way.

I talked to my H last night and fortunately he is still willing to work on our marriage. We just don't know where to go next because the 8 weeks of counseling we did over the summer - did nothing but cost us a bunch of money and drive us even further apart. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

michelle -

That's good that you gave your passwords to your H. Are you able to change your phone #'s and e-mail addy's too?

The problem seems to be - what do we do now? How do we go about fixing this without a counselor? Should we look for a new one? We are both leery of going to one after what we went through this summer. Changing my number isn't a solution - I still know OM's number - but I am giving him access to my cell phone and phone statement access for accountability. We just need to know how to begin moving forward.

Part of the problem is that you do not realize that you must do every thing you put your BH's fears to rest.

"I still know OM's number"

So do you want a medal?

With time you will forget his number.

"but I am giving him access to my cell phone and phone statement access for accountability"

Good start. Your BH can see that you are NC with the OM. That there will come a day you will forget his number.

"Changing my number isn't a solution"

This is where you dropped the ball. You need to show your BH that you are doing everything that you can to make it hard for the OM to contact you.

Change that number. Did you email, change that too.

How did you meet OM online?

You will have to remove that account/membership.

"We just need to know how to begin moving forward."

You were able to afford counseling this summer, so you should be able to afford a few good sessions with the Harley's of this site. Never heard of anyone complaining about them. Most other councilors are not effective because they only worry about not making their clients upset. They don't want to scare off there paying customers by making them face reality.

Michele, why not try phone counseling with the Harleys and go to a MB seminar in January? Your H will immediately like Steve Harley because he is fair and will not blame your H for the affair. [he won't beat you up either] He can show assess your marriage and give you a plan of recovery. And he really does know how to help you make a GREAT MARRIAGE. He is worth every penny and won't waste your time with a lot of nonsense.

You don't counsel together, but separately. For example, the first session would consist of you telling him everything about your marriage. The second might be 30 min for you and 30 min for him and then 5 min together to review.

He can do in a few sessions what other counselors can never do.

Just so you know, your exp is the RULE, rather than the exception. Marriage counselors have an 84% FAILURE rate because they don't have the slightest idea how to save marriages. The Harleys really do. They are a little more expensive, [$195] but they are worth every penny, IMO. They can do in a few sessions what others can never do.

Their goal is for you to FALL IN LOVE, not just tolerate each other, and if you follow their instructions, you can be in LOVE. I just can't say enough about them. They really do deliver.

Thanks for the information. I will suggest it to him. Do you have an idea of how many sessions it might be?

To - The Road ---ok - thats just rude - of course I don't want a medal - it is just the plain truth and I stated that I'm giving him my information in every way that I know how. I know I am in the wrong - I admit that - but being rude isn't the way to help somebody. MelodyLane thank you for all your helpful information - I really do appreciate it.

Michele, I have no idea. My sister went for 3-4 and felt like that was enough. Others have gone for more depending on their situtions. This plan is more contingent on your LESSONS than on having to have endless counseling.

Thanks Melody