Or we become a lot smarter and learn to take care of ourselves better.

PERSONAL POWER for the GODDESSES

It takes time to harness your personal power, especially in the face of what we perceive, in that time frame, as devastating. In the interim, IMO, we exhibit protectoral behaviors, one of which could be cynicism. It may keep us from opening ourselves up too soon. It may keep our radars on high alert and the bullpucky meter set to 'sensitive'.

Eventually, with enough time and prodding from your friends and loved ones, you will find your personal power, and find your anger, and give that WH what for!

Oh, and about that whole 'fairness' thing. How is any of this FAIR? Life isn't FAIR Luna. I'm just telling you to take care of yourself. It is in your best interest to STOP considering how any of this will affect your WH. That is not your job in divorce; that is his lawyer's job. I agree with Foxy, you need to get angry with him and fight for your own future. If you are going to divorce, then do what is in YOURs and your CHILDREN'S best interest. Please consider this, Luna.

Nope, didn't mean it that way, Luna. I think it will get easier, because now you know. And I agree with my amigas. I want to see you unload on him.

I want to see you get as much as you can from this guy. He's got his head so far up his [censored], he may be willing to let you do that.

No, no, no. Your sense of fairness is out of whack. You deserve MORE from him. He's the one who has left the marriage, right? He's the one who broke promises, who has taken time with your children away from you, who has hurt everyone so badly. He should pay for it. Whether the courts see it that way or not remains to be seen, but that's the way *I* see it, and I hope you start to see it that way, too. And you definitely want a lawyer who sees it that way. If I see you talk about taking less in order to get it over with, I'm coming after you with a 2x4.


I've felt great for the last week, Luna, and not just because of what I'm about to tell you. I've been goofing around on match.com for a long time now, because it was comforting to know that there are lots of people out there even if I wasn't in a position to pursue anything. Every now and then, I would send out a half-hearted email to someone that was either brushed off or ignored completely, and I started to think "Of course no one is going to want anything to do with this divorced, balding, nerd-tendency guy who already has two kids." My IC was working on me to really get out there, so I sent out a few more emails a bit more seriously. Some of them still got ignored, but in the space of a few hours yesterday, two different women sent me their phone numbers. Now I'm having a hard time dealing with being giddy and terrified at the same time.

I'm not saying you need to get this over with so that you can start looking for someone else. I'm saying better things await you, and the sooner you get this over with, the sooner you can get to them. I don't know what they are. That's what's so cool about it.

Back to this one. If you approach every step cringing, it will hurt more at each one. It doesn't have to. I want you to dust yourself off from this latest rejection (which you knew was coming) and say "Right. Now I know. I'm ready to get this over with (because I'm ready to get on to better things)."

If you can find yourself in this place, the rest of it will be easier, not harder. I'll help you if you want me to.

This is my first time posting on your thread I have read your story and many others so sometimes I get them mixed up.

But my gut is wrenching for you. You have done everything you could to save your family. You are a strong woman. Sometimes maybe I think that we WS have to go thru this pain now so we dont have a lifetime of regret that we didnt try hard enough. A lifetime of regret can eat away at you.

But once you get over this pain and are done with him. I think eventually WS pain begins, years from now or whatever, and they will probabely live with a lifetime of pain. The legacy with their children and granchildren that they abandoned their family for another woman. But we wont have to carry any regret. and we can look back and know we lived our life with dignity. JMHO.

Hang in there. my prayers are with you.


PS forget about not bleeding him dry. BLEED HIM DRY!

Luna,

Excuse me, but I'm p1ssed now. Yes, you can count on his cheating [censored] as long as you open your arms and embrace him and his new "Luv." Excuse me while I

I agree with Fox - you need to get mad as h3ll and take charge here. Enough is enough. There is nothing else that you can do now Luna. Think about whether you really want this person back or not. Take the high road. Be gracious and show him what a classy person he gave up. But, don't let him off the hook financially.

I'm so sorry Luna, but this is killing you and you need to get away from the poison pronto. Get back to darkness.

I do not like this man.....

Just a quick update to everybody...

I am overwhelmed by the support shown to me, and want you all to know how much it all means to me and how much it helps.... A LOT!

...for now, it looks like I am 'bouncing back' a little quicker than I would have expected to...and hope it will continue.

MB BOARD

Hi Queenie,

Know that your posts are very inspiring and uplifting.

Thank you.

Fox,


...you have, Fox, you have...and I appreciate it.

It's all in my head...I am not sure how I will do it, but I need to translate what's in my head into action....

Today, I am a litle surprised that WS's 'blow' isn't lasting longer...or maybe it's because of all the support I have been getting here.

You've all been great!

Are you PISSED OFF yet?

I really think you need a little anger to drive you. While it isn't wise to go whole hog and fly into a rage, a dose of anger says that you value yourself, that you know this treatment is wrong and that you do not deserve it.

You don't have to hate him, but you can hate his actions.

We're rooting for you, luna. We know you deserve to be out of this heartache. Only you can walk the walk.

Luna

Fox

I agree. It's what I always say. You need to get mad, and STAY mad! Let that anger protect you from giving in to his BS. Keep saying 'how dare you!' over and over to yourself anytime you have to deal with him.

Hi SL,


Thanks for the info. SL...good to know this doesn't have to be permanent. That's actually encouraging.



This makes sense...and...healthy, at some level I would say!


This part I will need to work on. I seem to do better with the 'protective' modes...so well in fact, I have to be watchful to not get stuck in it.


I know. This works against me sometimes. Most of the time, this is a source of...pride for me...and because I need to live with myself.

Your comments have been very helpful, SL. Thanks.

Luna - when is your D final?

I think you are ready for it.

Plan B at it's best.

It helps us learn to handle the wayward crap that the WH throws at us.

You are the shining example of Plan B.....

But I have thought alot about what everyone else is saying.

I have to agree with them.

HOW DARE HE, hurt you like this. He is like a walking sombie with no cause of care of any hurt he inflicts on other people.

I share the belief you take care of yourself, your children and do what you need to heal from this completely and move forward.

What a schmuck.....

Hi SD,


Hate to admit it...but I did think it would hurt LONGER.


I am going to work on the FAKING it...because, in this matter, I may just be my worse enemy :RollieEyes:


...which is why I need to be watchful, and I promised myself I would not make ANY DECISIONS when in such an emotional state.... my peace of mind is very important to me, and sometimes I may be willing to sacrifice too much for it.


This certainly encourages me to want to get to the other side!

I am SLOW, though (or at least for a lot of people). That's a fact I try to live with and accept myself AS IS.


You are already helping me a lot, SD, really, and I welcome your comments.

Hi Still,


I am....and thank you for your support and thoughtful comments.

Hi CL,


I was in a lot of pain yesterday, CL. Today I am doing much better than I would have thought. Being able to go back DARK is good, and it made me appreciate the WS-free zone of my home so much more.

I know it's not easy for some of you to see so much pain...but this is really the only place a feel 'safe' coming to share it, and it's a bit ironic...because most of you are here with already an OVERLOAD of your own personal pain... and that's exactly why it helps....I know you will understand it.

I for one not only understand, but am glad you come here and let us walk through it with you.

It helps me to read how strong you are, how you do it and when I can offer something, to be useful.

Hi Catperson,


Thanks for the suggestion. Every little bit helps!

Hi PEP,

Thanks for still keeping tabs on me...


As soon as we get our financial stuff worked out. Assets involve properties...it's taking a bit more time because of it.

Anything in particular that makes you say that?...or just the sheer LENGTH of time I have been around :RollieEyes:

I know...I have been at this for a long time.

Queenie, I like the idea that we are here, helping EACH OTHER. It's very heartwarming!