Hi Tempered! How are things going with contacting her BH?
You mentioned that your messages to her BH had gone unanswered, is it possible that the OW deleted them prior to his seeing them?

I would keep trying him on an unfamiliar phone (friend's cell phone or using a calling card maybe?) that she is not familiar with the number to prevent her from blocking your calls.

I would not assume that her BH is ignoring you until you know for sure he is aware of the situation. I would NOT allow someone else to call for you as they would not have the information to provide to him to prove to him that the affair is ongoing.

As far as your husband "stewing in his own juices" thing that is normal for someone that may have had his contact with the OW interupted....

Continue your plan A but remember to portray yourself as a person that loves her husband but doesn't NEED him. Have fun doing some things that you enjoy doing such as going out with FEMALE friends for dinner, a movie, bowling whatever. Invite him along THEN GO whether he wants to go or not!!!

You MUST be attractive to him and appear you WANT him in your life but you will NOT wither and die if he isn't...

Got it?

Jim

Not going so well.

I spent most of the weekend holed up in a spare bedroom. I know this is wrong, but I have no energy. I make sure my kids are taken care of, and I know they understand. My youngest (13) has spent most of his time in that room with me.

Husband has spent most of the weekend downstairs in his recliner. I occasionally hear him on the phone but I do not suspect it is MOW. We have had two major fights. Huge fights, where this is all my fault.

He asked for sex after one and I did not refuse, he has not spoken to me since.

I am being persecuted for his doings.

I tried MOWH one more time last week. He did not answer my call, and I did not leave a message.

I'm so lost.

Have you been to your doctor yet? You need to consider some anti-depressants, just temporarily, to get you through this. It really does help. Your kids need you to do this for them. Please make an appointment today.

Can you drive to where OWH lives to talk to him?

Have you exposed to anyone else yet? You know you have to. If you're afraid of your H for doing it, make plans to take the kids and stay with your mom or something while you do it.

Bottom line: If you do nothing, you will turn into a walking zombie, numbing yourself to stop the pain. You need to respect yourself, get mad even, and CHANGE the situation. He yells at you to try to get you to stop messing his plans. And it's working. You don't want to let him get away with that, do you? You deserve better than that. Take care of your kids by exposing the A and taking care of yourself. Please!

Hey Tempered, Glad you checked in!!! Just want to remind you that the reason your WH is acting like this is because his cake eating has been terminated and he is sulking because he is not getting his way anymore...

Catperson's suggestion about the Dr. appt for antidepressants is excellent and will help you to deal with your WH's acting like a two year old. Just remember they are not going to be a permanent part of your life, just to help with the moods we all have had to go through.

You really need to listen up though about not hanging out in your room. You MUST appear attractive and appear to be having fun doing things with friends and kids. THAT is how the OW became involved with your husband!!! She was all fun and no responsibilities like jobs, kids, bills, etc. You WILL NOT attract him back to you moping around!!!

Remember it doesn't matter if he doesn't want to go or not. YOU go and appear to be having fun even if he doesn't!!! Invite him along THEN GO!!!

Was the phone call you made from a phone OW and her BH would not know? If not try a friend's cell or a calling card.

You have a great chance to make this work!!! Now get busy!!!

Jim

Had a serious dicussion following a heated argument.

He was different, but I do not trust my own judgement. He seemed remorseful. And he asked me WHY I would want to ruin MOW's marriage by telling her husband? Why would I want that?

I still have to tell, right?

I have a friend that can help me with her phone tomorrow and hold my hand through it.

You're not ruining MOW's M. She and your WS have done that already.



Yes. At the very least, it is important to let the BH know what's actually going on in his M.

Yes, tempered, the right thing to do is tell him so he can have the same chance to save his marriage you had. It is the same as if you knew your neighbors bookkeeper was stealing money from him. Would you opt to NOT tell him because telling "would ruin his relationship with his bookkeeper?" See how that makes no sense.

The OWH can't fix the problem if he doesn't know the truth. Telling him also increases the odds of the affair staying killed with 2 people watching from both ends.

You are doing the right thing, tempered.

I am new to this and found out just over a month ago about my wife's affair which had been going on for 2.5yrs. I decided to tell the wife. That opened my eyes. She told me that her husband and my wife had done this 10yrs earlier,before she knew me...Be prepared when you tell the other partner but it does help to set boundaries.

I will call. Been there done it.