This thread was litterally dropped into my lap when I logged in, I'm glad it was named Polygraph! I am wanting my WH to take one.

Have found a business that will do one but waiting to hear back via email.

CWMI
What are 'good' qualifications of the examiner?
Could you give a ballpark range of the cost (if you prefer not to, that's ok) i'm trying to compare prices, my first quote from a PI was $1100

I have to admit at first the thought of a polygraph seemed so harsh and extreme but reading thru this thread and your posts, I am determined to get one. H*ll or high H2O, credit or cash!

I feel exactly the way you do for wanting the truth.
I hope your H gets an A+ !

This is such a helpful thread to me right now, thank you and good luck.

$1100 is way too high. You should be able to find someone within the $200-$500 range. Mine is somewhere in the middle there.

I found, when looking around, that some of these outfits are run by therapists who went to school to learn polygraphs. I didn't want them. And others were run by ex-cops who worked the beat while with the force, but then left to do polygraphs. I didn't want them either.

I wanted someone who had been doing polygraphs on the federal and state levels for decades. I found a couple of those, and picked the one who could see us first. The reason I wanted someone with long experience is because they have already seen all the tricks people use to fool the machine. I wanted someone with a built-in bull-detector, ya know?

Just make sure your H is on board to do it. Mine bluffed his way into it, and we're just a couple of hours away from the test! I'll check back in later.

Great information, thanks again.

I'm assuming your cost is in US $ so will have to keep that in mind when I get my quote back.

My H also bluffed a while back, indicating he would do it, I figure his tone of saying it doesn't change his intentions on this one. (his tone was sarcastic)

Looking forward to hearing more about this.

HE PASSED!!!!!

Oh thank God. I feel so much lighter now. We had a really good discussion on the drive home--he doesn't feel any animosity toward me, but he did feel like he had no choice but to follow through with it after insisting for so long that he would take one.

Part of his new "Follow through on what I say, owning my words" stance.

Happy day, all.

That part of our problem is OVER. I don't have to wonder anymore. There's been a big turnaround in our relationship lately, and this was the final nagging problem (at least in my head!) to put on the table.

Table's clear. I know where to put the effort.

*exhales*

Wow. Didn't see that one coming. Kudoes to him. And you.


heh....you're going to owe him for a long time now :-)

And he shall be handsomely paid.

Did I say Oh Thank God?

Oh. Thank. God.

*eats humble pie*

*shares some with Mike, knowing he's full, but unable to refrain from sharing pie*

I've got a great big smile on my face, I'm so happy he passed.

Yes, now you have a huge weight off your shoulders and you can focus where the effort is needed, that is so great !!!!

hmmmm....pieeeeeeee :-)

Thank goodness everything came out so well!!!!!!!!!!

And I hope you told hubby that you really appreciate his willingness to put your mind at ease.

I did, I did, and then I did again.

Today, I'd recommend this to any couple with questions, where both parties are willing. I would NOT recommend forcing a spouse into this. I think if it comes to the point of "Do this, or else..." then 'else' is going to be what you get.

I don't know what the long-term ramifications will be. I do know he felt a bit 'off' for doing it...like it was an extreme measure to prove he was telling the truth about this...and I'm not so sure that he totally buys MY words that I only set it up because he insisted on doing it, and I would not have required it.

But I intend to show my thankfulness for this reassurance by backing wayTF off on the other things I do to check up on him...he knows when I check his email (stupid IPs!), he knows when I check his phone (I can never put it back on the counter 'just so'), so I'm going to let him know that I don't feel the need to check that anymore. By action, not words.

Action! It's a good thing.

I'm glad he passed.


Now, move forward, and look at some things within your control. For starters, why do you have so much fear about your relationship? Can you put your finger on something - and point first at you, not things your husband does. Because....he passed.


Fear is what makes us start worrying in the first place. The action now for you might be to look at what you're doing in the worry dept. and to make yourself feel safer - and not include things that involve spying and checking all the time.

MB things. Like working on the ENs, and getting him on board, for a place to start. Maybe going back to basics is where the security for you would be found?

SB

meh....you'll be back at the same place in a year, hon. Read up on the open lifestyle Harley stuff. You should be able to check anything on your spouse, cell, email, whatever. Peace of mind....

I'll reserve the right, Mike. To tell the truth, I've sucked at my above-mentioned notcheckingness.

All's clear.

Sending you big wishes for a tolerable holiday season.

I see this as baseline. Right then, he told the truth. He knows consequences of lying. We have current Education Certificates of how to treat each other. We're doing well, considering neither of us expects the other to be instantly perfect. We'll do the slow dance away from this, just like we did the slow dance toward it.

Thank you for your post. I have more thoughts, but they're internal for now. Just hugs to you.