Hi SD,


....It seems that way, doesn't it? ...like a metaphor of the R. At some level, he's not 'letting go' and 'neither am I', but something's gotta give. It is very toxic and it's bringing me down.

Luna, please reread your response to catperson and make sure you aren't making EXCUSES for not moving forward with removing his stuff. If you're not, that's cool, just double check.

Communicate in your usual manner with your WH regarding the boys, and carry on. It doesn't matter if he gets angry or not. NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Just carry on with business as usual.

If you want his stuff out, OUT IT GOES. He can move it all back in if he gets the house. If it's bad for you, REMOVE IT. It matters NOT what your WH thinks about it.

You've gotta start caring more about Luna than about your lunatic WH and how he will react. You gotta start thinking of yourself and your own present and future.

Just thought you could use a smile: Spinning Your Wheels

You don't need to be ANGRY, you need to be DETERMINED.

I heard from LilSis the other day. She says that she is "very, very happy."

The Other Side is a good place to be, Luna. You can get there.

Hey, hey, hey! Don't take away her ROAR!!!!

I think anger will help her move into determination - she has to find her way off the floor of pity first.

How come everyone thinks anger is bad? Anger can be healthy in appropriate doses.

Luna, my friend, "HOW DARE HE?!"



Absolutely!!!!


Fox

Anger is fine. She should use it when she's angry.

But when she says she's trying to make herself feel angry so she can tap into the energy, I'm not so sure.

I guess if she has to go through anger to get to determined, then so be it. Determined is what is most important.

You'll go at your own pace, Luna, whether we're pushing on you or not. That's just how it works. I just want to help you see that the Other Side is a much better place and help you be determined to get there.

Hi SL,


Yes, the stuff in the basement is really bugging me, and at some moments more than others. I do plan to 'chip away' at reducing the stock the best way I CAN, without necessarily relying too much on WS (if he does all the better).

But between working, taking care of the boys and contemplating on how to add on the responsability of handling tenants and maintenance on my own, I don't think I will 'focus' on the stuff in the basement for now.

We were to resume mediation in january, but my attorney just told me that WS's attorney is requesting a Defense from us by the end of january, which is really not enough time to 'settle' everything in mediation, and hopefully my attorney can ask for a delay. It does mean though that WS is wanting to put some pressure. So I figured I better put my energy 'there' and if I buy him out, I will be in a better position to request the removal of whatever he wants, or else....I will take of care things.


Yep..I agree, SL. I am going to limit exchanges with WH regarding boys only. Dealing with 'waywardness' is very draining.


I wasn't seeing this so much before...now I am seeing it more. It's true, I really need to care MORE about me. If not, who will?

Thanks PM.

Hi SD,


OK....being DETERMINED speaks to me...I can handle being DETERMINED... being angry not as much.

Glad to hear the good news about LilSis...The Other Side is looking better by the minute.... I just have to get 'through' Plan D (what do they say around here.... easier said than done! )...DONE being the operative word!

Hi Fox,


I agree, Fox...first off the 'floor of pity'... I KNOW that's not going to get me through...

I have added a reminder on the mirror: 'ROAR & HOW DARE HE' just so I don't forget and because...it can't hurt!... Thanks Fox.

SD,


I can see that I AM wasting some energy on 'shoulds'... I do think my reserves are down a bit right now...and need to make better use of whatever energy I do have....

..and yes, I agree, the determination is going to come from my WANTING to get to the Other Side... and hopefully with as little 'compromising' as possible so I also will have as few regrets as possible.

Thanks SD.

Just want to say I great THANK YOU to all.

I was really feeling ALONE with this big huge burden on my shoulders. I don't have any family members close by....and because of the dad's loss and the distance... I only share matters 'globally' with my mom and brother.... (besides not wanting to deal with their pain at seeing ME in pain - you know what I mean?)....and its the same more or less with my friends...

Anyways, just trying to say that...understanding is hard to come by!

So checking my thread and seeing you all drop by with your thoughts, comments, suggestions and support means the world to me, no matter what...and help me to feel NOT so alone.

I don't know if I am expressing my gratitude clearly enough. I hope you do. You all mean a world to me, and I am touched by your generosity and for caring.

...now I am crying, not from pain... but from the warmth to my heart that comes from realizing that perfect 'strangers' are willing to devote some of their time to think thinks out with me.

You are coming through crystal clear Luna.

I'm sure I speak for many when I say that we care a great deal about you, and want only for you to find peace. Losing your dad and dealing with the D and a fogtastic WH is enough to bend the strongest back.

Luna

Luna

I am glad.

...because I hate how we got here, but I am glad to know the whole BUNCH OF YOU.

...and yes, SL & SD, I welcome your hugs...and hugs back to you.

SL
SD

oh, I will NOT be outdone with the hugs...

IT'S ON!!!

It's so sweet of you, SL.

...and to top off the night, how about a few triggers..?

DS17 came home. He had gone shopping for a gift for his Dad's birthday...there's a party for him Saturday night...a milestone anniversary...and I guess DS17 was so excited about his gift and the time he took to find it... he asked me if I wanted to see it... and I said 'sure'...just because DS17 needed to share it with someone...and he chose to share it with me.

It's been a year now that DS17 has chosen to only stay with me...was having major conflicts when staying at WS's (partly because WS's behaviour was down to his level....adolescence...no wonder they couldn't get along :RollieEyes:)... now they don't see each other as much... once in a while they do some activities...a supper here and there.... but at least they get along better...for both their sakes!

DS13 called from WS's. As arranged, he's coming over one day earlier...but on Sunday he will be going with WS (and OP I imagine!) to his yearly big family get-together (that I attended for years and years)...

I do a lot of tongue-biting...just to put the boys at ease...and so they don't feel they have to walk of eggshells...

...but tonight, I could have done without the triggering...honestly!

I don't know, but today I am at a good place.

There are a lot of things to do, a lot of things to think about.... that hasn't changed... just the way I am LOOKING at things seems to have...

Hope it lasts!

...and if not, I will appreciate the time that it has!

FAKE until.... may finally be starting to have some effect...G-D ALMIGHTY... it's about time!

Hang onto the feeling because as I have found, you can wake up tomorrow in another state of mind. That's what I hate about this. But I'm glad that you had a good day.

Luna,

So, how goes it today? That good feeling lingering around still, I hope?

It will surprise you when that feeling starts sticking around for longer visits,,,,,,,,,,,