I will see if I can come up with the money in the next week.

SIL wont pay for that, she only paid for the other because MIL talked her into it weeks ago.


Do we both need to be there for the phone session? Just her?

Alright. I got SAA in on Thursday and read it that night. Almost finished with HNHN. Have a couple little questions.

When in withdrawal, WS will not let you meet EN is what I have read. They do still let you meet the EN you were meeting before, just not the ones OM was meeting. Right? Like if he was meeting conversation and affection then I could still meet the needs I was meeting but she will not let me meet or block me from meeting affection and conversation. Am I correct to assume this? ETA-The EN she is not letting me meet, if someone else were to try to fill her need for conversation or such, would she be receptive to that or try to close them out just like me?

In SAA it said that the fog should start clearing in 3 weeks and take up to 6 months to clear. Does the time it takes have anything to do with how long the affair went on? If it was a 3 week affair, will it take less time than a 6 month affair?

If OM does stuff to make WS angry, does this help? She found out about some of his lies and stuff and it made her mad.

Any good ideas on stuff to do for WS that is cheap or free? WW is currently living with her mother so it's kinda hard to do some stuff.

Rusty, as she withdraws, she will let you meet more and more of her needs. It will be very hard right now, but just hang in there and do your best to patiently fill that gap as she withdraws. You are the good guy now, the OM is the bad guy.

Exposure rocks, huh??

Exposure was the best thing.

What are the odds of the marriage and WW getting "fixed" if the A actually ends? I know I have read a lot on here where the A keeps going on and people get divorced, but if it ends are the chances of R pretty good or what?

Your chances of reconciling are excellent once the affair has ended. Hang in there.

It might be hard for a bit. You can meet the needs she will let you meet. Don't talk relationship talk. Let her know that you will do what it takes to keep the family together.

Don't give up.

In SAA it said that the fog should start clearing in 3 weeks and take up to 6 months to clear. Does the time it takes have anything to do with how long the affair went on? If it was a 3 week affair, will it take less time than a 6 month affair?

Everyone is different. My ex had a 3 and a half year affair and it took about 9 months for him to defog.

But I have seen many WS's here snap out of it rather quickly.

You need to remain strong and lead the way to recovery. I know it isn't fair, but that is how it goes.

Come here and vent when you are going crazy. With her, stay calm, cheerful and determined.

Let's hope it is only 3 weeks.

Thanks. Since the A only lasted a month and was only heavy for about 2 weeks, I am hoping it clears faster than a long running A.

I'm optimistic. She will probably grieve the OM (oh yeah, that will be fun for you), then feel guilty and disgusted. Show her that she can count on you.

Don't LB with disrespectful judgements or angry outbursts. You can come here and let us have it. We understand.

I agree w/Believer, her withdrawal should be shorter than "average". That is, so long as No Contact stays in place.

It does seem to be true that the shorter the actual affair lives, the shorter the withdrawal.

Continue making thoughtful attempts to fill her EN's, and continue to expect absolutely nothing in return.

Remember it's not one thing you do, but all the things you do that make a difference.

Always be looking good when you will see her, not shabbily dressed or unshaved for 3 days. Look like you are arriving to pick her up for a date.

Appear self-confident and cheerful, regardless of how you feel inside.

Present yourself as a solution to her chaos, not a cause.

Pace yourself mentally; this is a marathon, not a sprint!

I thought you were the one that had said something about that a few times in posts I read.

If I have any more questions, I will ask.

But if anybody has any more suggestions, feel free to post em up.

Rusty, did they actually stop working at the same place? Has contact ended there?

They work opposite days and dont see each other. I am still working and making calls to get her/them fired, though. I havent quit doing that.

Anybody got any tips on avoiding LBs?

I have cut my LB down by a lot but I still occasionally LB because it is just hard giving and giving and not getting anything in return and the hope looking small.

The longer the WW is away from OM, the nicer she is to me. Then he contacted her last weekend telling her they were being watched at work. The night she talked to him, she was mean again to me and had to kind of build back up to being nice. Is this normal?

Your wife cannot keep working with the OM. You won't recover the marriage if she is.

Very normal! And everytime they are in contact, I would notify his wife. Keep the pressure on him. I would also suggest a face to face with him letting him know that you will be filing on grounds of adultery and having him subpoenaed to give testimony - UNDER OATH - about his adultery. That should scare the jeebers out him!

Yes, exactly as melody said: Expose to OMW every time he breaks NC with WW.

Who did you expose at work?

The Facility Administrator, Human resourses, and the head nurse.

What about the fact that OMW doesnt want me to contact her again?

Also, while she says she still has feelings for him, she says that she wants him to leave her alone. He will not leave her alone and he did something that last time they worked together that would constitute big time sexual harassment.

Should I call the facility admin again and tell her that it is not just off the job but also on the job? WW has been on the job <60 days and isnt through her 90 day probationary period.
Should I suggest that both of them be fired to rectify the situation and if they feel it to be too hard, maybe just fire the WW? If they find something else to fire her over because of this, do I tell her about me contacting her work?

Rusty, I would contact the facility admin again and I would also contact the OMW again. Tell her you know she asked you not to call but you felt she should know that her H called your WW and is pursuing her....blah, blah...... Also tell her what happened at work if she doesn't know.

Cause as much trouble as possible! But don't say anything to your wife.