Hi, all! Thank you so much for clicking on my post. I pray that God would use you to send me a word I have been longing to hear..and the answers I have been meaning to find.

I am 28 years old and married almost six years ago. I was pregnant with my son when I got married to my husband after only seven months of knowing him. We got along great when we dated and for the first part of my marriage, until one day, I got our cell phone bill in the mail and saw a bunch of strange numbers on it. I called them, and it directed me to a chat line where men meet women. The other numbers were those of women he had called. My son was just a newborn, and we were newlyweds at this time. He denied it at first, he is a really good liar, but when I threatened to leave, he came clean. He promised he never met any of these women in person, but I still felt betrayed. A few months later I caught him with internet pornography. Twice now, that I had been betrayed. We went to church, he answered an altar call, and promised he had changed.

Over the next five years, I caught him with more porn every six months. He would tell me he would go get help, even getting help sometimes in form of support groups, and then go right back to it a few months later. I even caught him on websites like "marriedcheats.com".

I gave it to God and we got more involved in the church, but I still felt empty. I still felt nothing but resentment towards him. I figured I was stuck with him and I didn't deserve anything better. My self esteem was so low, and the walls against our relationship were so built up, I just grinned and beared it.

My child also would tell me , "Daddy was mean to me when you were at work", and he won't let my kids be kids. He is OCD when it comes to the house and won't let them have more than one toy out at a time. I felt like a maid half the time and he would get mad if the house wasn't perfect.

Last April, I became friends with a man whom I met through a mutual friend. Him and I hit it off, off the bat. He is a christian too, and we had so much in common. The friendship quickly turned into an emotional bond because of the lacking bond with my husband. We both knew it was wrong, but we couldn't control it, we fell in love. It was never about being physical, it was like God brought us to eachother, like he brought him to me to save me, to show me how a woman should be treated and to rescue me. Our relationship grew and last month, when I caught my husband looking at porn again, I asked for a separation. My husband lost it. He just kept begging and begging and begging for one more chance! I had given him so many..and he still hasn't changed. He promised this time is different. He bought me jewelry, he left the house go unkempt, and he said, "I'm changed". But my heart's not in it anymore. He had his chance. I deserve to be happy. I know that Satan can deceive but I really think this is of God.

My mom had a similar relationship with my Dad, and she waited until we were grown to leave. It really ruined my brother, sister and I. Now she found someone like the man I met, and she is happier than ever. But through this whole thing, she's judged me and pressured me to stay with my husband..even though she knows what it's like. She keeps saying it would ruin the kids. To make things worse, my husband just got laid off of this job today, which means now it's much, much worse in making a decision.

I just don't want to hurt anymore. I need advice. I feel like I am losing my mind. Does God give signs? Soulmates? What should I look for? I have heard so much advice from people too close to the situation, I am just looking for some unbiased advice and prayer..thank you so much..and God Bless You in advance!

Your husband has been unfaithful to you, at least emotionally through the use of porn. If you had chosen to, at the point before you yourself became emotionally involved with another man, you could have left and started over, and I personally believe according to scripture (because of husband's adultery) God would ok that.

However, you have now brought yourself to his level, by yourself becoming unfaithful to your vows. Now you are guilty of adultery too. According to scripture, you are not free to leave for this other man. This is not of God. God would not "hook you up" with another man, while you are still married.

I understand that you are in a difficult position, but two wrongs NEVER make a right. If only you had trusted God to remove you from that situation BEFORE you took it upon yourself to "fix it" in the wrong way!

I'm so sorry you find yourself here.

Is the other man married?

No, he is not married. I didn't leave because I didn't think I deserved any better, I was afraid of being alone and that I would never find anyone else.

There is no biblical basis for the idea of soulmates. So no, cheating on your husband is not something God wants you to do. If you "both knew it was wrong," then it was obviously not of God.

That doesn't excuse your husband's behavior, though. He has been unfaithful to you and you were right to ask for a separation until he can prove he is able to change. What has he done to prove this? Bought you jewelry? Said he's changed? Actions speak louder than words. And IMO jewelry means he's trying to buy your forgiveness.

I vote for remaining separated from him until he truly gets his act together, especially since you know he is able to just revert after six months. During that time, you need to cut contact with the man you've been having an emotional affair with.

Diva, would you consider having this moved to "General Questions" in the "Infidelity" section? That area gets a lot of traffic from people who especially work with wayward spouses and betrayed spouses.

Prepare for some 2x4s, but most people here, really DO care and want to see fellow MarriageBuilders in happy lives, living according to God's wishes.

Yes. Do you know how to move it for me? If so, please do. Thanks for all your help. And in response to the nice gentleman who responded, I should've said "I felt bad about it", he never did at all. NEVER.

You're welcome. I believe you can send a message to a moderator, and they will move it for you.

If this doesn't work, try posting a short message on the GQ board, asking someone to have it moved for you.

There is no excuse for having an EA while you are married. You can dress it up all you want. God did not send him to you or anything of the sort. God, the FOG speaks!

If you were so happy with your H why didn't you leave? Get rid of the OM until you can sort yourself out. Their is nothing romantic about adultery, didn't you say you were religious????

Here is an unbiased Christian's view.

YOU are committing adultery and need to NEVER see or speak to your affair partner again.

YOU are sinning against the Lord and need to stop what you are doing immediately.

Your "Christian" friend is a cad and shows you no respect by getting involved with a married woman.

You have a plank in your eye that is blinding you.

Get right with God and ask for HIS forgiveness. Repent...which means to turn from your sin. It does NOT mean to try and make your sinful relationship into something it isn't.

Agree with MEDC!

A person who TRULY loves you will NEVER encourage you to sin in any way.

I do not see how God would want you to commit adultery.

My Dad told me after his divorce from my Mom that he felt that God wanted him to divorce my mom and go to the other woman. I just felt sick and confused inside. What rubbish. He was cheating on her for years and my mom still wanted to work things out to the end. Anyway, I digress.

If you're looking for any kind of sympathy I suggest you go and post on a board for cheaters..........

Diva, I'm glad you posted here this shows that the Holy Spirit is prompting you. And because the Spirit has prompted, you already know the answers.

Lets break it down:

Your husband appears to have committed adultery in his heart through his contact with other women and he has willfully exposed himself to temptation through his exploration of porn.

This was wrong. You had legitimate opportunity to divorce.

But you did not and you alone know the combination of reasons for this choice. This is fair enough.

As soon as your EA began you compromised your position and brought dishonour to the Christian name. You have used your H to provide for you until it was expedient.

We at MB are accustomed to hearing WS's enumerate reasons to entitle their affair. Discovery of your H's latest pornscapade is just the tool to justify your entitlement to separate. Take the log out of your own eye before condemning your husband.

Where to go to from here?

Recognize that YOU have been deceived. Your association with OM is from Satan, NOT from God. You will have to notify your husband and then you must disconnect ANY contact with OM forever. Oh boy, it is going to hurt.

Then you need to reconnect with your H and he with you. Please read the article here "Why women leave men". Your needs are not being met and you need to learn how to express this.

Folk here tout the Marriage Builders weekend. Give it a bash.

Keep us posted. Diva, you are in our prayers.

"I vote for remaining separated from him until he truly gets his act together, especially since you know he is able to just revert after six months. During that time, you need to cut contact with the man you've been having an emotional affair with."

I'm in agreement with this advice. There's no way to sugarcoat or rewrite what you, yourself have done. Regardless of what your husband has done, you need to be accountable to God, yourself, and your child for breaching your own vows. Two wrongs don't make a right.

My only change in this advice is to put a time frame on waiting for him to get straightened out. If this other man really does love you, he'll leave you alone during this time so that you can concentrate and put your all into restoring your marriage.

I believe it's been statistically proven that marriages beginning as affairs usually are eaten up with distrust and guilt and don't survive or survive happily anyway...

If this OM is really meant to save you, he will leave you and your M alone. If he truly cares, he will want your M (the M I'm assuming you committed to before God, family, and friends?) to succeed and for your family to remain intact and become healthy. Your commitment is first to your M and your family and it can have no third-parties.

I say this as a person who has betrayed her H and I will never judge you. I am only speaking from my experience and from what I've read on this site over the past several months. Nothing good comes from affairs.

What ruined you? That she divorced your father or that she stayed with him too long or that she's happier now than when you were living there?

Hold onto your hat because it's going to come, and it won't come all pretty with a bow on top. Just remember the folks who respond are people who have lived through it, who have seen and heard it all, and who will tell it like it is. I've been hit with a few frying pans myself. Some may sound judgemental but I believe all want to help you see the path that's best.

You're in an emotional affair, Diva. You're in what's referred to here as "the fog". Most of us cheaters believe we're really in love with the OM and that our OM is unique and the love is real and our BS doesn't care... Seriously, we are textbook. But you cannot have both -- an OM and a H. In order to see if the M is salvagable, you MUST end the affair. If the OM loves you, he will want to see you happy, he will help you protect that ones you love (your son), and he will agree to remove himself from the picture with complete no contact (NC). Read the articles on this site, read Dr. H's books, read the forums here, openly and honestly communicate with your H about what is happening to you (your fears and concerns), and make MB a part of your daily life. If after an appropriate time you still feel you need to leave your H, you will know it's because the M didn't work -- because you and your H couldn't make it work even though you really tried, not because you may have sabbotaged the M and might have projected the M as worse than it really is in order to justify your relationship with the OM.

Affairs are not reality. The OM seems fantastic because when he's with you, he's able to give you 100% of his attention -- something our H's can't do because real life interferes with such unsexy things like unemployment, laundry, in-laws, medical bills, needing a new roof, who's picking up the child, the sick dog, etc. Affairs are enticing, exciting, and misleading -- not to mention wrong. Please end it now. If you have any integrity, this lie is going to eat you up and I promise you will regret betraying your H and your son. Maybe not today, but you will eventually and the sooner you can put a stop to this, the sooner you can get to dealing with your H and your marriage.

I also strongly recommend you confess to your H about your affair. Seriously. This sounds crazy, but you really must do it. You cannot fully commit to saving your M or seeing if your M can be saved without complete and absolute honesty -- the good, bad, and the ugly. If H leaves, that's your consequence and you move on from there. If he stays and wants to commit to recovery, then the M stands a chance and you may find the M to be good after all and perhaps even stronger.

There are many experts here who will be able to give you clearer, better advice than I. I just wanted to give you my perspective as someone who was where you are not too long ago.

Take care, Diva.

God did not send OM to you as a soulmate to rescue you. :RollieEyes: Life is full of temptation and you are failing God, yourself and your family. Your H has his problems obviously but you are the one seeking approval of your behavior by a warped version of how this is God's doing. Shame on you. The Lord gave man free will. You are the one choosing to crap all over your family and turing away from God...YOU. If you want to live your life in sin, it's your life. But you will face consequences during your earthly life and most definetly in the after life.

Your 'soulmate' was sent by Satan, not God.

Your 'soulmate' is a POS who fools around w/married women.

Your 'soulmate' only wants you to drop your panties.

Haven't posted in a VERY long time. You've brought me out of the woodwork. 2 parts to this situation, and they're not totally related. Your husband and his habits? All those broken promises? Run as far and as fast as you can and don't look back. I can tell you from experience. Decades down the road, and chances are sky-high you'll still be swimming in the same swamp.

And your "special" OM? Been there, done that, too. Men who deliberately choose to prey on unhappy, wounded, vulnerable, struggling married women (and don't tell me "He's not like that." Yes, he is!) are deserving of a special degree of contempt. If your mind and heart ever get to a "good" place, you'll be able to see that for yourself.

L4, I think you basically said all that really needs to be said. Well done. I wish you well for your recovery - both yours and your M's.

you want unbiased Christian opinions? So we will do what? Encourage you to have an affair?

What your husband is doing is wrong.
What you are doing is wrong.

It seems that is the opinion of everyone here.

You may not be able to control what your husband does. However, you are able to control what you do.

Now, are you going to behave like a Christian? Or, are you going to behave otherwise? What is the God-centered choice for your actions?