Hogfan,
You are hung up on this notion of getting "proof", but telling her parents does not require that you have dna evidence, photographs with her and OM holding up 2 forms of government id, etc...

You have proof that her and OM were saying "I love you" to each other in texts. Thats ALL YOU NEED, to expose this to her parents. You have GOT to get off your [censored] and start making this hard on her. Right now you are protecting and enabling her adultery. Everyone here sees it but you.

By your own admission, her father was noticing something was up. Show him what evidence you do have, and get him on your team. Make her life uncomfortable. The status quo will continue until you take steps to remove yourself from the drama.

I don't have the "that is what I love about you" texts to show anyone. It would be my word against hers, but I am going to tell her parents. I really am so tired of this, and I have listened. I know it may be time to go ahead and blow this thing up. I can show them how many times a day that they texted up until late September. That is when she changed her password, so I do not know how many times now. I know all of you have been through this before. I guess that my hang up is after OM1 my wife seemed to had changed and was trying. It lasted for about 6 months when the differences started again. It took another 3 months for this to start. Same scenario different sitch. I need help with this on how to go about telling her parents. Who do I tell first when I go and expose.

I think it's time you became a real husband and allowed the OM to move in.

You don't have to.

It's enough that YOU'VE seen them.

Why are you so worried about proof.

Are you a known liar?

If not, your word as a concerned husband is ENOUGH!

I'd have a one on one with her dad.

He is a man of God. He should have had training for this.

Funny!

That is what I was thinking would be the best thing to do. Is get him in a one on one sitch. I am not worried about proof to give them. Her dad already knows what happened with OM1. My w told him about that sitch in front of me. But this time I am going to tell him on my own.

Tonight.

http://www.cellular-spy.com/

http://www.mobile-spy.com/

http://www.parentalsoftware.org/cellphone-spy.html

i am not sure what phones have windows but i think blackberries do. if you look on these sites i am sure they will list what phones it works on.

Thanks!

Hogfan,
It sounds like her dad knows something is not right anyways, so he will probably be on your side without irrefutable proof. But in case he is hesitant, I would just tell him about the text message volume, the "I love you" messages, and then ask him to do something simple for you. Have him randomly ask to see her phone someday when they are together. He can judge for himself based on her reaction.

Once her dad is on your side, her mom will probably join him, and you can ask them to help put pressure on her to end it so that you can work on your marriage.

That is a good idea. I would have never thought to ask him to do that. If in the end my w and I can get through this and start recovering I am not sure if I have what it takes left to make it through that tuff process. If that makes any sense. Want it alwasy be there for me of what she has/ doing. want it always be there that it could happen again.

The way you tell her parents is to pick up the phone and tell them. You say, "WW is having her SECOND AFFAIR. They talk on the phone 40-50 times a day and my PI caught them in a car together. He is a married man named Cooter and is destroying our marriage. I am trying to save my marriage and WOULD LIKE YOUR ADVICE." [asking for their advice is real important because it gives them buy in]

On the same day, you would want to expose to any other key parties, such as the OMW, close friends, family, but most especially YOUR CHILDREN. Your children need to be told the truth so they are not misled by your wife.

Since they work together, I would send a letter to the director of HR, along with their supervisors and a key company VP. We have a template. It is best to have this all hit on the same day.

and it doesn't matter if you don't have nekkid pictures of them in the ACT, what they are doing constitutes an affair and needs to STOP.

No, it's not funny.

So far no one has gotten through to you. Maybe shame will work?

Will you hold their clothes for them when they use your bed?

That is all you need!

What married woman should be texting a married man more than once or twice (assuming there was some reason they needed to pass information) AT ALL?! NO MARRIED WOMAN! Her parents know that. Your parents know that. Her friends know that. His wife knows that.

THAT IS ALL YOU NEED.

CALL FIL TONIGHT.

I don't text married women at all. I don't text single women at all and any women I have email contact with always has copies that go to others at least a Bcc or a cc: to her husband or another person who can hold us accountable.

In the context of business, an occasional SMS or email might be necessary, but hundreds of text messages between a man and woman never means business...

Well, maybe monkey business.

I get about ten emails from my wife a year. She calls me about once every couple of days while I am at work, usually with a problem. She's usually sound asleep by 9:30 every night.

During her affair, she called OM ten times per day, sent him emails about 20 times per day and called him 5 or six times per day. When I was out of town, she stayed on the phone to him till after 2 in the morning and was back on the phone with him at 6 in the morning. She called him on her way to work, during lunch and on her way home. She talked to him for hours every day. She guarded her phone as if it were Fort Knox.

Her affair was easy to spot and easier to prove. I busted her with cellphone records and hacked email stuff including pictures, poems and short stories she sent him and he sent to her. Her response..."We're just friends..."

Yeah, right...

Friends send each other pictures of the kids, the dog, the cat and the backyard covered in fresh snow not the kind of stuff they sent each other.

The only person who will try to make this not be an affair is your wife and you don't have to prove it to her since she already knows what it is.



And then call OMW, also tonight.

Mark

Two affairs??? Are you really sure you can't do better?

Well last night did not go very well. the usual go home cook dinner, do dishes, do laundry, take care of the kids. I confronted my wife while she was texting. I do not know who she was texting, but I finally told her look I am not comfortable with this and it has to stop. Do not text Om in my house again. She replied with "he is my friend" and all you do is ecuse, ecuse, me of doing something. She said no one is going to tell me who I can be friends with and the only reason you are upset is because you do not know him. I said look this may not be a PA yet but it is an affair, and you are so wrapped up that you are tearing this family apart, and it needs to stop now. I said look I caught you with OM1 and now OM2. I said I do not care who or What OM is stop it in my house. I said a married woman that cares about their family does not tell another man "that is what I love about you", or "love you to". She replied with I care about him. I tell all of my friends I love them. At that point I looked at her and asked her why do you just not leave then. She said I do not want to. I said you so wrapped up with OM that you do not even know what is going on around you, (with the kids, finances, or family) and you need to leave. Pack your stuff and get out of my house. She said if I leave I am taking the kids with me. I said if you try and remove them kids from the home I will call the police, now you need to leave. She never would leave. I then told her that I have already told the kids what is going on. I think that I made a mistake here because I then told her that the next person I was going to tell was her parents, OMW, and her bosses. She said you are crazy and people are going to think you are and if you tell me boss I am going to get in trouble. shoud I have mentioned exposure? It was so hard not to tell her that I knew that OM was in the car with her. I then told her that I was tired of all of this and it had to stop. I told her that I have been busting my butt to work on our marriage and she quit counseling that she had set up. She said I quit because no one is going to tell me who I can talk to and how long, and what I can talk about. I said the counselor was talking to you about boundries, and you have crossed a boundary with me. She replied with I do not have any boundries and no one is going to place boundries on me. I was furious. This is what I am dealing with. I finally just quit and went to bed. She came back there a gave me a kiss, and then this morning left a note in my lunch box that said I love you, and left me a voice mail at work saying how she would be thinking about me. Can someone chime in and give me some advice on what to do now?

Where is the template letter for expsoure at work etc.

You refuse to do a proper exposure.

You were told not warn about exposure.

You only do what you want to do.

You never do what you are supposed to do.

You only come here to have a pity party.

You know what?





It's always about you, coming here to be told what you want to do is the right course. You do not want to man up and do what has to be done.

You have been here since November 14, 2008. What/why are you waiting to take action. Telling a few friends is not exposure.

Telling WW's parents, her siblings, OMW, work: CEO, Director of Human resources, board members. That's exposure.