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Like I said Vladie - I wish you a happy life and all the best!
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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But wouldn't it be better off to err on the side of caution? I mean, what's the worst thing that can happen?? You miss a year or two of homecooked meals or nightly snuggling and sex?
In the big picture, that's a very short time to be alone. And not that you have to be alone. You can still have an active social life with family and same sex friends!
If you meet a wonderful person that God wants you with, don't you think that person might still be around in another year?
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I attended a divorce care group, and that was one of the first warnings - do not get into another relationship for at least 2 years. Actually, they told us 1 year for every 4 years M, but that's a little crazy. Anyway, lots and lots of reasons why but mainly something physiological dealing with decision making in the aftermath of such emotional trauma. Your decision making skills are impaired and you just don't realize it. Maybe someone who understands that stuff better than I can explain it. and for people that actually NEED a divorce care group, this may be sound advice. Others manage to get back on their feet quickly and thrive. This is SO true! If you need this then sound advice. Actually I could name a few on these boards who will never be ready to date again. I feel sorry for those people. Still pining for their waywards years later. Low self esteem, no self respect I suppose. Thankfully, a problem I got through. As for in my own fog, there are those who would say that of people in so called 'recovered' marriages.
Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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But wouldn't it be better off to err on the side of caution? for some, yes. for others, no. I mean, what's the worst thing that can happen?? TIME is the MOST precious commodity. Child bearing years pass...people get sick...we should all make the most of our time and IF that means a person gets involved quicker than some of the MB'er clan feels they should...oh well. Life is out there for the taking. People give up YEARS to infidelity...not everyone has a NEED to give up additional time. If you meet a wonderful person that God wants you with, don't you think that person might still be around in another year? Not necessarily.
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But wouldn't it be better off to err on the side of caution? I mean, what's the worst thing that can happen?? You miss a year or two of homecooked meals or nightly snuggling and sex?
In the big picture, that's a very short time to be alone. And not that you have to be alone. You can still have an active social life with family and same sex friends!
If you meet a wonderful person that God wants you with, don't you think that person might still be around in another year? I totally agree with being cautious, just not plain stupid. I really like you but I have to wait 2yrs?? Not for me. The best things in life come when we least expect it. Grab it!
Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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As for in my own fog, there are those who would say that of people in so called 'recovered' marriages. VERY TRUE.
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IF that means a person gets involved quicker than some of the MB'er clan feels they should...oh well. The "clan" as you put it is paying heed to best practice psychological advice, starting with Dr Harley. Where are you getting your information?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Posts: 862
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Like I said Vladie - I wish you a happy life and all the best! I know BigK, just enjoying a good old fashioned clashing of opinions!
Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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Ah, with this BK..it is an opinion...just as it is for Dr. H.
It is based on life, observations and such....no different than Dr. H..except that he writes for the masses and needs to offer general advice that cannot be tailored for an individual unless they coach with him.
I have a psychologist that would agree with me that it is really based on the INDIVIDUAL. In fact he is a PhD and an MD that is very well respected in this area.
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for those that have made a HEALTHY decision to date shortly after divorce or the death of a spouse...feel good about your decision so long as you have processed your grief in a healthy fashion. MB'ers tend to be a bit myopic when it comes to certain things. As a very wise man (Lemonman) once stated...some of the most dysfunctional people on these boards are those in so called recovered marriages.
Be careful....be sure you are done with the marriage. But do what is best for your life. If that means waiting...then wait. If it means getting back in the saddle sooner...do it. MEDC the whole point is that the person in this situation is not the best judge of any of these things. Their judgement is flawed. They will all belive to their core they are making a healthy decision. Many BS's even believe they are done. THEY believe they have processed their grief in a healthy fashion. But their judgement is probably flawed. Think of physical wounds - there is a typical recovery time for any given wound. Same for emotional wounds. And as with phyical wounds some heal faster than others. As for judgements being flawed, as I've said, my judgement must have been flawed when I wanted my sham of a M with a self indulgent cheater back. Well all good now! Each to their own I suppose I can tell you MY judgment was temporarily flawed. I wanted that POS to come home and then fog lifted. I DESERVE better then someone who would cheat (twice) on me. There is no fog in my head. I have learned what a HEALTHY relationship can be. XH was not it.
FBS - 28
Status: Divorced (thankfully)
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Well you know what they say about opinions. Above you disparaged psychologists and now you agree with one.  I believe you and your psychologist would be in a minority. Does your psychologist BTW think that the person in the midst of the situation is best qualified to offer an opinion of their readiness to date again?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Well you know what they say about opinions. Above you disparaged psychologists and now you agree with one. I believe you and your psychologist would be in a minority. Does your psychologist BTW think that the person in the midst of the situation is best qualified to offer an opinion of their readiness to date again? Perhaps you missed the word MOST. most psychologists are better off ignored It is time for you to stop manipulating what is being said and actually read what is written. :RollieEyes: The person in a situation is often times...now, please note that does not mean always..the best qualified to know of their readiness.
Last edited by medc; 12/10/08 09:56 PM.
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Well you know what they say about opinions. Above you disparaged psychologists and now you agree with one. I believe you and your psychologist would be in a minority. Does your psychologist BTW think that the person in the midst of the situation is best qualified to offer an opinion of their readiness to date again? So, can you give me a timeline as to when my relationship will blow up in my face? It has been a year and a half long now... When can I expect the bomb to drop? I want to prepare myself for the inevitable. (that, or I'd like to come back here on that day and tell you I told you so... )
FBS - 28
Status: Divorced (thankfully)
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The person in a situation is often times...now, please note that does not mean always..the best qualified to know of their readiness. OK that is YOUR opinion - what does your Psychologist say?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 812
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Just so you know, the only reason I even say this, is in hopes of saving someone from unnecessary pain. I mean, if I thought you would all be happy marrying two months after divorce, I'd be wanting a seat at the wedding! (I tend to love a good romantic story.)
But I've seen the opposite prove true over and over. It just makes me CRAZY to see someone jumping in fast, and nothing I say can stop the runaway train. (But I still try, out of love and concern.) Then they come back in a year or so and say "Why didn't you just shoot me?!"
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I believe you and your psychologist would be in a minority. and what are you basing this on??? Dr. H is in the minority with some of his methods...that doesn't make them all wrong, does it???
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MEDC, you didn't rush out and remarry did you?
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OK that is YOUR opinion - what does your Psychologist say? I'll make sure to ask him. 
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MEDC, you didn't rush out and remarry did you? No, I wasn't ready...I had a lot to process when I got divorced. I know other people that were ready amd have led very happy and healthy lives. And BTW, we are talking dating..aren't we???
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MEDC, you didn't rush out and remarry did you? No, I wasn't ready...I had a lot to process when I got divorced. I know other people that were ready amd have led very happy and healthy lives. And BTW, we are talking dating..aren't we??? I was thinking of dating and/or remarriage. Often, the former leads to the latter.  Another concern I have, is the children (in applicable cases.) It seems to cause more resentment and confusion to a child if Mom or Dad is "replaced" quickly, than if a longer time elapses. It would seem preferable to spend that first couple of years bonding even more closely with the child and helping them heal from a major life blow.
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