But, He gave us the freedom to choose. If we are grieved so much, imagine how he feels. Remember, we are His children and He hurts when we hurt.

Ok, so what do I do to make him happy and stop hurting for ME?

Live well. Work to find your own peace. Love and follow Him.

I think that is all we can do.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As much as I didn't want a divorce, I eventually filed because I had no peace. My body was being harmed by the stress. I had to find sanity and that meant I had to get some things taken care of. Maybe it was a tough love strategy.

I'd put up with x's antics for so long that I was really having physical reactions to the stress. I had to take control of some things. I had to get rid of him because the life I had was toxic.

It was sort of like the exhortation to shake the dust from my sandals and leave him behind. I couldn't focus on God if I was tormented by what wh was doing.

I think I filed, in part, as a measure of my love for myself. I would have taken wh back. But, I had to embrace myself and find some peace. Even after filing, had wh changed his ways and repented, we could have talked to see if things could have been worked out. However, as long as he rejected G-d's plan for our family, I couldn't endure it any longer. I could not stay in the situation.

I talked to a number of the leaders of my congregation. They knew me and loved me. They even loved wh. But, they also knew the background and how it was affecting me.

Letting him go, sending him those papers was so, so , so very sad. And, it was one of the most liberating things I have ever done. It was like letting a dead part of my life go...very painful. But, I got to embrace life and walk with G-d without this weight dragging me down.

Thanks Cinders.

I keep wondering if filing for D won't finally bring me the lasting peace that I am so looking for. I didn't want to do Plan B, but in the end I was so relieved of the pain from the WH and his poison. Maybe being at choice and making it my decision will give me the strength to move past this and truly just build my life. Without him..... without my H and just me and G-d. Certainly a lot for me to pray about....

Sorry Chai for the t/j.

Chai, I just had a yucky experience....checked my email and one of my LYSs is closing.....service there was spotty at best.

Here is the 'contact us' message I sent after reading their website:

I regret to read the news about your closing. I will miss your shop. I do wish, however, to tell you about my last shopping experience in your store. I came in on a Tuesday afternoon - about 4:30 p.m. I wandered around the store a bit before being approached by an employee. I showed her some yarn I had purchased elsewhere and discussed the fact that I was unsure what to do with it. I explained that I needed some ideas and was perfectly willing to buy other yarn to go with this yarn to complete an appropriate project. The employee showed me one store model and dismissed me, returning to the knitting corner where she picked up her own project and began knitting. A few minutes later, while I continued to wander the store, she answered the phone and complained to the caller that she was working for someone else who could not come in that day. Her tone on the phone was that of a totally grumpy person. I was totally unimpressed with the service I received and, though I am a repeat customer, I did not feel valued. This occurred about 3 or 4 weeks ago and I can only describe the employee as caucasion, reasonably petite, with short, dark hair. I don't know who she was. And I know she wasn't interested in me....otherwise she would not have treated me as an non-valuable interruption in her own personal agenda. While I don't know the reasons for the closing of your store, I do know that instances such as this could not have been good for business. My mother, my daughter, and I will all miss your store but we won't miss such experiences as this.

Yikes. It's a tough business, especially in times like this. It's like any other retail store - it's only as good as the people working there. Sorry you had such a bad experience. And sorry the store is closing too. What a bummer.....

I take more documents to the atty tomorrow. I'm taking only what I could easily put my hands on. Most of what WH is asking for I don't have anyway. We'll see how it goes....

Sorry you are having to go through the whole paperwork ordeal. However, if I can survive it, you can survive it. It's not easy. You can make it through, though.

As for the LYS, service there is iffy. Sometimes it's excellent and sometimes they ignore you. They've been in business 14 years in a really high rent area. One of the owners had her second or third child within the last year. I think she may have burned out.

Aahhh, burnout. Yes, very common in the retail industry. Especially this business. I could tell you some stories.....

Well, I still have Haus of Yarn 2 miles away and I hear there's another one 25 miles away and yet another one 15 miles away.

Found this in my e-mail announcements from my son's school:

MARTHA'S AT THE PLANTATION
Meanwhile, also from 5-7 pm (on 12/10/08), in Martha's restaurant behind the Belle Meade Plantation on Harding Road, the KNITWIT students from Hillsboro High School and University School of Nashville will be selling their beautiful hand-knit items like scarves, caps and mittens with one hundred percent of money raised going to support Saigon Children's Charity students at Hillsboro East #1 and Hillsboro East #2 in Vietnam. Hillsboro High teacher and Coach Dave Young is a driving force behind SCC, and Hillsboro, combined with our partners, is the largest single contributor to SCC from the United States, sponsoring over 140 students with scholarships to attend school and help feed their families.

Snacks and festive beverages will also be available at Martha's that evening, with a percentage of those proceeds also going to SCC.


Found this in my e-mail, from the knit shop:

Ms.Thomas-

I do appreciate your honesty and letting us know about incidents like this.
I will say that most of my employees are quite upset about the closing and sometimes it's hard for them (and me!) to rise above that. Also, our employees are not allowed to knit on our time, so she may have thought she was leaving you to do some thinking about project ideas and went to work on something we were helping a customer with. We have been working on last-minute repair jobs and sometimes customers leave us an item to rip out a row or two on.

In any case, I do apologize for the way you were treated and hope it won't color your memories of us. We are mainly closing because both Andrea and I have new paths to do down (I have two young children) and it's time for a new chapter. We really do hope to go out on a good note!

Happy Holidays!

Pam Butler

Hi CL,


...and until you get at least a clear sign of interest from WS and a reason to invest in re-evaluating what you want... keep putting your energy on 'doing what you gotta do'...


Good luck with this CL.

You're right Luna. To date, there has been basically no interest on his part. I honestly don't think there will be. I'm beginning to see just what he is capable of, and I would have never in a million years thought that he was capable of such lies, deception, etc. It's an eye opener.

I just came from the atty. The hearing is on the 22nd. I'm OK. I thought that I would leave his office with my stomach in my throat, but I'm OK. Now, I know that tomorrow may be a different story, but for now, I'm OK. I'm OK, I'm OK, I'm OK. I love the sound of it.

I think my atty is on board and is in fighting mode. Finally I almost didn't think he was going to get there. He has it mapped out as to how much we are asking for etc. I told him that WH would not show up, but atty says he has to. I need help!!!

How do I react when I see him? It will have been 14 months since we last saw each other. Do I ignore him, say hi, talk, what? Can someone who has been through this advise me what to expect and how you handled it? As advised by many of you, I will conduct myself with grace and dignity to show what a classy person he gave up for the bar-beeatch.

And, I gave my atty my gun. WH made such a big stink about it, that I decided it wasn't worth it. The only thing that I asked was that the gun be held by atty or the court until such time that WH could show proof that it is really his. I know that he can't because I've had searches done on the serial number and everything comes up empty. We'll see what happens. I may end up getting it back, but if I don't I'm OK with that too. I hardly ever shoot anymore anyway. Some things just aren't worth fighting over.

So, I could be nearing the end I guess, if WH agrees to the support issue and division of debt/assets. When I first came here, I never thought it would end like it has, but I was wrong. I just need to start writing the next chapter of my life. Maybe I can look forward to something good, but with my DD's sitch I think the worst is yet to come. I have to at least be strong enough to protect myself and my home from her world. Stay tuned....

{{{{{{{{{{{{{ CHAI }}}}}}}}}}}}}}

It seems so redundant and superficial to keep saying. Just TRUST G-d. He knows what is happening. He has a plan..

I wish I knew what to say, but I don't. I just have my simple FAITH and my commitment that you will come out of this ok.

I don't have the answers to tell you how to feel, or even possibly know what you are feeling with so much on your plate, but I do know I love you, I do know I'm not leaving or abandoning you and I do know that there are a lot of people on here who are walking with you on this as well.

Does it help, probably not at some moments....

Hi CL,


Yes, CL, focus on this and it will help to get you through it.

...I will certainly have a great example to follow for courage and strength and class.

You are in my thoughts, CL.

...think of how to treat yourself with 'simple pleasures'...it's what I wish I could do for you....

... and please imagine me giving you a REAL, LONG hug...
CL

Hug for Chai from me, too! [php][/php]

Chai,


You seem to have answered your own question -


That is Exactly what you do. Chai in Full Goddess-mode!!

It's really your choice on if you speak to him or not. For me, I worked hard to look as 'casual' as I could,,,,,,we never actually entered the courtroom together. We were both out in the hallway, each with our attorney. I spent most of my time with notebook in hand, making notes. Mostly, I wrote down the prayers I was praying. Asking God to give me strength to endure the immediate situation, asking for His love & guidance, and I even wrote down prayers for people I saw around the courthouse in an effort to get the focus off how hard it was for me. Heck, I even wrote down prayers for Drac! I did everything I could to occupy my mind and my physical body so that I would not fall to pieces.

I did not speak to Drac at all. Frankly, I had nothing to say. All that came to mind was, "Please do not do this.", and we all know how futile that would have been. So, I chose to say nothing.

I'm glad to hear your A is finally getting with the program!! Stay on top of him to protect yourself!!


No maybe about it. You CAN, the question is will you choose to? I can't imagine how incredibly difficult it is dealing with your D's sitch, but you are doing a great job of letting her walk the path that she has chosen and protecting yourself. Keep that up. You have your own path and it's going to be a wonderful one.

Chai

Bugs,

Thanks so much for the help. I will do exactly what you did and take my notebook with me to help occupy my mind. At this point, I don't have anything to say either. He is still spewing venom so I know that anything said would go in the ears and come out the mouth converted into a ball of fire. It would serve absolutely no purpose.

I still can't get my brain wrapped around that fact that I'll be sitting in a court room across from the person I vowed to grow old and spend my life with. How does that happen?

And Goddess mode it will be. I dressed for my wedding and will dress for my D. I've made appts at the salon already. I have the outfit picked out. I will hold my head high (and keep a vomit bag in my purse!).

I'm not good at off-the-cuff responses, so if he talks to me I guess whatever comes out of my mouth will be what I have to live with. I never say the right thing at the right time. It's always the wrong thing at the right time. UGH. I hate that about me.

I do intend to ask my atty not to go in without me. I would hate walking in alone and running into him.

Oh, he's at it again. Told DD that he can't help her because I'm going to cause him to lose too much money on the 22nd. Yeah, that Chai is going to bankrupt me. Funny how that wasn't a concern when the credit card rutting points were freely flowing.

Don't you just love it (NOT!) when such stupid idiot fogese spews from their mouths. If he'd worked on his marriage instead of chasing a posow, this wouldn't have happened and the two of you, together, could have dealt with daughter.

Hi CL,

I don't quite understand your situation. Have you agreed to a settlement, and on the 22nd going before the Court to confirm settlement, or will you be presenting your case and let the judge decide?

I hadn't realized your Court appearance was going to be so soon....but, then again, no amount of time is ever enough to BE READY for something that you don't want?

Sorry, CL....be the CLASSY act that you are...as this, too, shall pass.

CL