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Joined: Jun 2005
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You're doing just fine. Unfortunately parents of WSs rarely stand up against their children. The ones that do are a godsend. Don't apologize for fighting for your family. You're not going to help her rip your family apart. She can do that on her own. Glad to hear that you are talking with your lawyer. Her mother thinks it would be good of me to give her some money to give her time to get a job, get on her feet, and save up. I told her that I though it would good of them to do it. I love your response. Your MIL sounds foggy herself. Stay clear of her too.
BW(me)
DDay EA 4/05
DDay PA 6/05
In recovery
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Joined: May 2008
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I discovered the A on 8/22/08, after 4 breaks in NC, she is moving out. Obviously, she needs her space to find herself. Of course, she isn't leaving to be with him, she just feels we need time apart. Sure!!!!!
Anyway, she is mad that I told the boys she had a realtionship with another man without her there. She wanted to handle it as a family. And, I am packing her stuff to deliver tomorrow and she wants me to hide it from the boys so they do not see it.
Too late, it is stacked in the garage.
I guess my question is, should I feel bad about this?
I worked Plan A from August to the last secret cell phone yesterday. She has continued to lie and hide it. She made her choice to be with him, so I feel comfortable handling this how I feel is best. You should feel good that you refused to sugar coat a pile of manure and feed it to your children like you 'wife' would have done. You're a great dad and she's a lousy mother.
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Joined: Oct 2007
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Ouch!! I hoped I was being responsible and acting with integrity.
I just got a nasty vmail about her stuff being stacked in the garage where the boys can see it. She said I have got to stop thinking of myself and think of what I am doing to the boys. I don't know. I would think that trying to help her stop the A would be acting with integrity. It was HER choice to go outside her marriage. Giving her money so she can continue her affair more easily is the opposite of that. Have you read any of the threads here, to see what happens when the BS doesn't act swiftly and strongly to make the A look as slimy as it is? They get walked all over and end up miserable.
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Joined: Oct 2007
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And, she continues to text me, saying that we have to communicate due to the boys, says my way of handling it is stupid. Block her on your phone and computer. You are giving her her fix. Let her feel the full weight of her consequences! That is the ONLY way she'll decide the A is a bad idea. Oh, and have IM tell her that you think that she no longer has any right to decide if what you do is stupid or not; she lost that right by having an A; now she can deal with YOUR rules as a consequence.
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Joined: May 2008
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Her mother thinks it would be good of me to give her some money to give her time to get a job, get on her feet, and save up. I told her that I though it would good of them to do it. Like mother like daughter! Good response! Cut her off 100%. See the lawyer. File abandonment. Save your boys!
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Joined: Dec 2007
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Cut off the money now. If her parents tell you to support her. Tell your inlaws WW is having sex with the OM, so let the OM pay her bills, WW left you for the OM.
If they persist and say OM won't or can't. She left me and gave herself to OM. It's OM's job now. If OM won't do his job, then as her parent's why don't they help her? WW is still their daughter. WW is no longer my wife she left me, so I will not support her.
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Joined: Dec 2008
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Today, I delivered the remainder of her stuff to the apartment. She said that she loved me and felt that she would regret this in the future, but that loved him too and she wanted to be with him right now.
Nice...anyway, all credit cards and debit cards are shut off and she only has about $60 in cash. We will see when she asks for money.
She said they have discussed marriage - with a guy whose divorce finaled in June. What are the odds??????
The lies never stop.
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Last night at midnight, she sent this text "I know Ive put u through so much. I know Ive hurt u really bad. Im sorry I don't have any answers right now. Im sorry Ive been so ugly to you. Im just so confused right now.Your r a great man and youve done so much for me and those beautiful boys. Im just so sorry. Give the boys a kiss good night for me. Love you all, WW" SAVE this TEXT and make sure your attorney knows about it.
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Her and her mother were upset with the fact that her stuff was in the garage waiting to be delivered where the boys and the neighbors could see it. Apparently, that leaves the boys in a bad position and makes them feel horrible. I have been told that as soon as I start putting them first, things will get better for us. The problem is that I keep thinking of myself. Funny how stuck being stacked in the garage makes the kids feel horrible but the wife f*ing another man is fine by them. If your WW was not moving out, her stuff would not be stacked in the garage. Yet, she blames you for being selfish. If they keep bringing this $hit up, tell her that you do not think this is right, you will not act like it, you will not condone it b/c you want the boys to grow up to be REAL MEN. Not those who walk out on their family.
Me: 32 BS DDay: 9/14/08
Slowly coming to the realization that I
am one of those who can't get past it.
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All of her stuff is out, cards are cut off and I am feeling relieved.
Extremely angry but relieved. The tough thing is that the store he works at is located at an intersection that I have to drive by everytime I want to go somewhere. So, I get to see if he is at work, or f*ing my wife.
I have reason to have suspicions that she might have opened another bank account and has be siphoning off money. I can't find definitive proof yet, but I have a feeling. I also get the feeling that I am messing up their planning. I don't think they expected her to move out until January.
She has said that she doesn't want me to worry about her, she will be fine. This coming from a girl that has never had a job, has no idea how to open her own banking account (probably doesn't even know which bank our accounts are at), and has never lived by herself.
Today, should be fun. At some point, she will find out that she cannot use her cards. The text messages are already starting to fill with anger that I am not responding. I know, I should block it so it doesn't affect me, but right now, I like it. I want to see her uncomfortable for a little bit.
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even if she had been taking some money, it probably wasn't enough to keep her in comfort for long. Plus, she will have to change her lifestyle....women don't like that. You did well....
oh, liking to see her suffer a little....don't feel bad. It sounds bad, but when you have been through the hell we have been through, well, it is what it is....
not2fun
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Yup, my WW is very, very angry that her lifestyle is changing. I mean, when you leave your husband for a man who has no money, no car, no teeth, no job, no home, owes 10 grand in back child support, AND is your second cousin, you should expect a drop in your standard of living.
Me BH 49 WXW 50
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08
Divorce Final 3/19/2009
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These kinds of stories just blow my mind. I cannot fathom thinking I could leave my husband for another man, and that hubby would financially support that. What planet do these women come from?
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Joined: Dec 2008
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Advice please ...
My middle son did not want to go stay with her tonight and cried that he wanted to go. Is it right to make them stay?
And, how do I handle Christmas? She wants to be at the house for Christmas morning. I said no. She asked how I could do that to the boys. She says I am being selfish by saying no.
WTF....
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Joined: Oct 2007
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Yup, my WW is very, very angry that her lifestyle is changing. I mean, when you leave your husband for a man who has no money, no car, no teeth, no job, no home, owes 10 grand in back child support, AND is your second cousin, you should expect a drop in your standard of living. Hee.
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
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Advice please ...
My middle son did not want to go stay with her tonight and cried that he wanted to go. Is it right to make them stay?
And, how do I handle Christmas? She wants to be at the house for Christmas morning. I said no. She asked how I could do that to the boys. She says I am being selfish by saying no.
WTF.... Just laugh at her the next time she says that, and say 'I guess you should have thought of that when you were scr&wing OM.' Let her spend Christmas with him.
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