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Joined: Apr 2001
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That's what I was originally thinking. I think this guy is misinformed and if he has a head on his neck, he'll see that this weak connection to some chick 2 hours away just isn't worth the hassle. That may be the case. It won't hurt you for trying, and may very well run him off. It sure ran off my H's OW!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Willy, I want to emphasize here that the main problem is not this OM, but your wife and her very dangerous lifestyle. Her meeting met for ONS off the internet is extremely dangerous. It exposes you to STDs. I am also concerned that she brings these guys around your kids. It is her LIFESTYLE that is the enemy here, not an individual OM. She is not addicted to a PERSON, but leads a very destructive lifestyle.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: May 2008
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Well, other men. My WW has been visiting a couple of dating websites and has established contact with one local and one distant guy. She has indicated to the local guy that she wants to meet him. I have the ability to get a message to him. Here it is: You may already know that Laura is married. You may already know that she has 3 young children. What you may not know is that she has a husband who really wants to save their marriage. You should also know that she has had 2 physical affairs during her 8 year marriage.
Her husband loves her, loves their children, and is willing to do whatever it takes to repair the damage to their marriage. That includes notifying the people she has had inappropriate contact with. Even if you haven't actually seen her, she is having an emotional affair with you. Divorce has not been filed and they are still living together. You are probably just looking for the sex, but at what cost? Do you want to be someone who contributed to the destruction of a family?
Please reconsider any intentions you may have of meeting her or even continuing conversation with her. It would be best for you and her if you do not contact her at all any more. It's baggage you don't want.
This is being sent to you because Laura is already very much loved. What do you think? Is there anything I should change? This has to happen soon, like within a few hours. She's indicated that she wants to meet him this weekend. Thanks. Hmmmm...2 previous PA's. I'd suggest that when she leaves to meet him you change the locks so she can't return. Then seek counseling as to why you despise yourself so much to tolerate this behavior. It will be a big help to your children as well so they don't think this is how people live in marriage.
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Joined: May 2002
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She can't financially support our kids, so she'll just have to leave them with me. She's thinking she'll sue for custody, child support,and probably alimony. I doubt she's worried about financial repercussions at this point.
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Are you prepared for the response "obviously you couldn't keep her satisfied, mate" or "your wife obviously needs someone else, not you" or "can't you keep her in line" or just nothing back at all. The response you WON'T get is "oh, I'm so sorry, I'll back off now and I apologise sincerely." First off, I am a strong advocate of immediate, decisive action, including confrontation. Based on my own experiences ... IT WORKS!!! Willys needs to be in the right frame of mind to handle the conversation that you mention above ... I KNOW ... I heard the exact same things that you quoted above, almost verbatim, but I was PREPARED for it, and in a very determined voice shared with OM ALL that I knew of him and how much I would ENJOY blowing up his world ... that was the last time we ever heard from him. Now my WW made 2 half-hearted attempts within 3 days to break NC for "closure" as she put it, but OM NEVER REPLIED, and that is what Willys is seeking at the present moment. He can deal with WW's issues later, but OM MUST be out of the picture NOW. OM are COWARDS looking for CHEAP fun ... put a little pressure on them and they will FOLD, as the price of their fun just went way up. It will also SMACK his WW in the face just how CHEAPLY OM valued their fun ... she may be angry at first, but SHE'LL KNOW down deep that she was just a piece of meat to OM. Willys isn't looking for WORDS from the OM, he's seeking the ACTION of avoiding contact with his WW. What OM says is meaningless, what he does (or better yet, doesn't do) is the key.
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Joined: Aug 2007
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My above rant about confronting OM was for Willys benefit ... for regaining some of his own self-respect.
As far as attempting R with his WW ... one A may be successfully recovered from, but 2, regardless of time frame, speaks of much bigger issues, and IMHO, his WW simply isn't worth the effort necessary to R.
Instead, use her "fogged up" state to negotiate a favorable custody and property settlement agreement ... move on and learn from past bad choices and live your life well.
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Joined: Oct 2007
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Willy, I want to emphasize here that the main problem is not this OM, but your wife and her very dangerous lifestyle. Her meeting met for ONS off the internet is extremely dangerous. It exposes you to STDs. I am also concerned that she brings these guys around your kids. It is her LIFESTYLE that is the enemy here, not an individual OM. She is not addicted to a PERSON, but leads a very destructive lifestyle. And consider that the reason she is doing this is that she has no respect for you, because you're a doormat! She probably laughs at you behind your back, you're so weak. Show some backbone.
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Joined: Oct 2000
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OM are COWARDS looking for CHEAP fun ... put a little pressure on them and they will FOLD, as the price of their fun just went way up. My H was , years ago, an OM. He dropped the married OW like a hot potato - "cheap fun" .... I donno ..... my H did spend family $$$ which turned out to be VERY costly for my H (if you get my  drift).
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 32
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Thanks all.
As I posted in my intro thread, my wife has now expressed a willingness to work on reconciliation. I'm just glad I can work on Plan A with a willing partner now!
Expectations are still tough for me though. I have to constantly remind myself to eliminate them.
Thanks again!
I'm 29, she's (the WS) 29, we have 3 kids, 6, 4, & 2. We've been married for 8 years.
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