My sister called this morning. She talked to my DD-15 last night. She suggested that I start letting DD start spending time with WW.

I feel like this is just manipulation by my DD and by my WW. A way of trying to inflict more pain on me... Maybe not... but that's how it feels.

Setting Boundaries … And Keeping Them

What about the parent who sets the boundaries, witnesses her child cross them, follows through on the predetermined discipline, and then begins to feel sorry for her child, and cancels the punishment in midstream, before the entire "sentence" is served? Woe to that parent. The fancy term for what transpired is intermittent reinforcement. Modern science has proved that sporadically reinforced behavior is very difficult to extinguish.

Parents exercise intermittent reinforcement for two main reasons. They feel sorry for their child. (After all, Little Johnny has been inside for two whole days now, and all the neighborhood kids are frolicking right outside his window.) Or, they are too exhausted to administer the punishment. Strong-willed children are persistent, and as the parent of one, it is important for you to be more persistent. If your strong-willed child can wear you down or convince you that you were overboard with your discipline, he will. If you are inconsistent with your discipline, your strong-willed child will battle longer, imagining that this is another time that you will give in. If you are consistent, the chances of your strong-willed child eventually giving up the fight are increased.

Giving in is the opposite of winning the battle. It is losing the battle. Remember that winning the battle is one of the "Rules of the Road" for a successful journey. I was most guilty in this department when it came to potty training. Again, there was a stark contrast between my first, compliant child, and my second, strong-willed child.

I can still hear my mother saying, "All you have to do is feed him oatmeal for breakfast, every day at the same time, and then have him sit on the potty." It sounds so simple, doesn't it? And that is exactly what I did with Matthew, and within weeks he was done having accidents. (Do I need to remind you again of my amazing skills as a mother? Just wait, my big head will deflate soon enough.) So what did I do with Aaron? Why, of course, I did the same thing. And when he didn't respond as rapidly as his older brother, I immediately tried plan B. That was the reward plan, as I recall. And in a few days when that had no obvious result, I went to plan C. I think that one was some kind of a point system. By plan F, I was thoroughly frustrated with Aaron and with potty training. Talk about something that he alone was able to control. In retrospect, I realize that I was not consistent or persistent. I intermittently reinforced his noncompliance by switching strategies. In short, I didn't do a very good job. Fortunately, he finally decided that it was in his best interest to join the ranks of the potty trained.

Parents, every day you have to decide where you'll draw the line—what behavior is permissible and what will not be tolerated. You'll have to be ready for battle every day until your child makes his own decision to stop battling. The hope is that his determination for control will lessen each day. But until he decides to acquiesce, I guarantee you that you will be pushed and tested. The more often you give in, the worse it will get, and the longer the process will take. If you hold firm, your strong-willed child will eventually give up engaging in many of the fights. Don't be shortsighted. Raising a strong-willed child is not a sprint; it's a marathon.

You are entitled to your feelings.
However, I doubt they get together and discuss ways to "inflict more pain on Amazin".

But I think both of them know that it bothers me and are more than willing to push my button.

Thanks for that... Laughter is good medicine.


I've been working on that as a matter of fact. One of the girls from church gave me a little excersise. Discovering your core fear. And the fear cycle. It helps you to see what buttons are being pushed.

Setting Boundaries … And Keeping Them

What about the parent who sets the boundaries, witnesses her child cross them, follows through on the predetermined discipline, and then begins to feel sorry for her child, and cancels the punishment in midstream, before the entire "sentence" is served? Woe to that parent. The fancy term for what transpired is intermittent reinforcement. Modern science has proved that sporadically reinforced behavior is very difficult to extinguish.

Parents exercise intermittent reinforcement for two main reasons. They feel sorry for their child. (After all, Little Johnny has been inside for two whole days now, and all the neighborhood kids are frolicking right outside his window.) Or, they are too exhausted to administer the punishment. Strong-willed children are persistent, and as the parent of one, it is important for you to be more persistent. If your strong-willed child can wear you down or convince you that you were overboard with your discipline, he will. If you are inconsistent with your discipline, your strong-willed child will battle longer, imagining that this is another time that you will give in. If you are consistent, the chances of your strong-willed child eventually giving up the fight are increased.

Giving in is the opposite of winning the battle. It is losing the battle. Remember that winning the battle is one of the "Rules of the Road" for a successful journey. I was most guilty in this department when it came to potty training. Again, there was a stark contrast between my first, compliant child, and my second, strong-willed child.

I can still hear my mother saying, "All you have to do is feed him oatmeal for breakfast, every day at the same time, and then have him sit on the potty." It sounds so simple, doesn't it? And that is exactly what I did with Matthew, and within weeks he was done having accidents. (Do I need to remind you again of my amazing skills as a mother? Just wait, my big head will deflate soon enough.) So what did I do with Aaron? Why, of course, I did the same thing. And when he didn't respond as rapidly as his older brother, I immediately tried plan B. That was the reward plan, as I recall. And in a few days when that had no obvious result, I went to plan C. I think that one was some kind of a point system. By plan F, I was thoroughly frustrated with Aaron and with potty training. Talk about something that he alone was able to control. In retrospect, I realize that I was not consistent or persistent. I intermittently reinforced his noncompliance by switching strategies. In short, I didn't do a very good job. Fortunately, he finally decided that it was in his best interest to join the ranks of the potty trained.

Parents, every day you have to decide where you'll draw the line—what behavior is permissible and what will not be tolerated. You'll have to be ready for battle every day until your child makes his own decision to stop battling. The hope is that his determination for control will lessen each day. But until he decides to acquiesce, I guarantee you that you will be pushed and tested. The more often you give in, the worse it will get, and the longer the process will take. If you hold firm, your strong-willed child will eventually give up engaging in many of the fights. Don't be shortsighted. Raising a strong-willed child is not a sprint; it's a marathon.

be warned - when you move your buttons - the monkey REALLY pushed harder - in an attempt to regain control over the situation

There is an excellent book on Amazon called "Back in Control".

Reasoning: If adults use reasoning to change children's behavior, and the children disagree with their logic, no rules are set and the kids can do as they please.

If you don't clearly state your rules, whose interpretation of those rules are your children likely to use, yours or theirs?