Rod,

Here is my take on your situation.

1. Your W is having deep emotional problems and was having them before this affair. People with these types of problems often "act out". Your W is doing that.

2. Your decision to give this 6 months and then reevaluate is a sound one. It gives the affair a chance to die or weaken.

3. I would say (I am guessing here) that the only thing that will shake your W up is you filing for divorce. Something very very painful will be required for her to "feel" anything. I am not recommending you do this now, but do speak with a counselor.

4. You are not dealing with your standard WW. You are dealing with all of the WW issues coupled to her documented mental health issues. Until someone really addresses these issues, your marriage has no chance. You can "love" her back to mental health. You can give her time to face them and deal with them. It seems to me you are doing this.

It seems the children in these families have been reared with good morals. It is shame that they have to face losing their family do to selfishness, lust, and mental health issues.

Hang in there, I think your plan makes sense. I would strongly encourage you to have your W checked out very carefully for physical causes for her behavior, this includes brain tumors of course.

God Bless,

JL

I appreciate someone seeing my viewpoint .Yes ,as per our Doctor , Minister her sister, mother and brother and my counsellor my wife is in the middle of a huge depression .I cant get her to get help .She has to do that on her own. I have to give up and hang on at the same time. I have no grounds to file for sole custody .

Rod,

I think you might have such grounds and it is her deep and documented depression. Explore these things and encourage her to get a physical. YOu could let the doctor know your concerns and see if there is something physically wrong with her.

God Bless,

JL

Our Doctor cannot ,as per his comments, act on my suspicions and comments alone .She has to reach out ot him for help. I have informd him of all the strange behaviours over the last 6 months .She has been on antidepressants ,prescribed by him for some time but , has only shown him "I'm a little depressed but the world is aok" face .She has not acknowledged the problem that lies beneath .She is in a huge state of denial about everything.Once again I am on hold with my hands tied waiting to see what if anything will happen. I must move on but am finding it very hard .

Just found out that our 13 yr old son asked his mother if this ws really worth all of this last night .She said " I have been asking myself that a lot lately ". Maybe the perfect world is starting to crack .Now I must be very careful not to get burned twice. Have to think with my head and not my heart.

Last night my WW stated that she was taking the separation agreement to a lawyer next week .This got me down for while but I guess that is how this has to progress .I refuse to give up hope despite others experiences. Time will tell . "All we need is just a little patience" !

Rod,

I came to you before, told you what NEEDS to be done, and you've latched on to what you mis-perceive as someone agreeing with you.

Waiting 6 months isn't a bad idea as long as you're doing everything possible to end the affair.

Right now you're doing nothing and you're letting WW dictate what happens.

If she takes legal action first, then you're at a disadvantage.

You need to stand up as man and be firm that your sons aren't going to go anywhere and will stay in the marital home.

Standing up, upsetting WW, and sticking up for your family are the things which will get you results.

Plan A. Then Plan B, but you're in a forced Plan B now.

Get out of this state of denial you're in and understand that the stakes of what you're involved in are super serious since your rights as a father are at stake if you don't take action.

What are you actively doing to end the affair? You confront the OM? You expose?

What have you done?

It is now time to move on .I love my wife .I would do anything for her but , she has chosen to live life with another man .I have done all I can to ensure she gets help with her present depsressive mental state .I am continuing to provide my sons a safe ,stable and reliable home when they are with me . I must consider my marriage null and void. If and when she decides to turn back in my direction I will be there whether or not it is sjut as a friend .I can no longer go on beating myself up waiting for her to "crack" and wake up from this delusion she is living. I must move on . I am not giving up I am moving on !!!!!!!!!!

My WW just called and lost it on me because everywhere she goes she is running into people who know "Her business" . She threatened me with a liable suit .That was pretty silly. I told her i'm not coverring up for what she has done .Whenever someone asks me how I'm doind i tell then that my wife is having an affair and has left me . She says she knows what she has done and doesnt need complete strangers knowing her business .I told that this is my business too as she left me . Got down on myself but now i am here. Letting it out by entering it on my thread. I hate the place i am in in life right now and have to believe that it will get better. I am jsut hoping that the cost of what she nas done is getting too much to bear !!!!!!!!!!!1

Make it clear to her you are exposing her affair because " you love her and you will do anything necessary to save your marriage."

Don't let it come across that you are doing the exposure out of anger or for revenge, because that is not its purpose.

You need to try to fill her EN's and draw her back to the marriage, not push her away.

There has been a twist in our sordid tale. My WW has now told the kids that the OM is going to spend more time at her apartment . The 13 yr old has now taken a stand and told he he will not be going there .The 6 yr old then jumped in dtating that he doenst want to go there either with the Om there . My wife now has a problem .This is the first time in this mess that I have felt "Free" if not empowered in this game .The cost of this devistaing decision on their parts (WW/OM) is now becoming more evident. I told my kids I will support them in whatever they decide. If the little guy is forced to go to WW's this will be her doing I will not assist .

She is reaping what she has sown. Her sons will never respect her again. They might love her but eventually, when they grow up, she will have to pursue them. They will only let her in so deep in their lives. How do I know? Because my mom did exactly what your wife did. My brother and I are extremely attached to our wives and when I first married I had dreams about her cheating for 3 years. I wish I could give your wife a heads up as to what her future relationships with her children will be like.

I have repeatedly asked my WW if she has any idea the amount or kinds of damage she is doing to her boys by way of her actions .Of course she has no answer for this and apparently no concern .Her love affair is far more important than any children born of her womb.This is the cse right now but ha life is a long and winding road.

On this day our two children took a stand and refused to go with my WW to her apartment for her visitation.I was on my way home from work .She told them that the OM was to spend more time at her apartment from now on .They told her they didnt want to be there if he was to be there. I now have custody and she has visitation rights. i hope the true cost of this is becoming evident to her .

Was she the reason the first marriage broke up?

Your kids seem to have a level of maturity that exceeds their mother. It is their family too. They have every right not to associate with the man that is helping to destroy their family. I guess she will have to choose between the POS and her kids.

The reason for the marital breakup was her telling me that she was having an affair and had a "Special bond" with this man unlike anything she has ever known(Nov 1st) .Prior to July when we first went to the Doctor about anxieties ,depression and menopause problems our marriage was happy (My opinion and that of our families ,our church and our community) .She never once told me she was unhappy prior to dropping the bomb on Nov.1st.

I meant the first marriage. You mentioned stepkids.

My WW's EX ,from my years of dealing with him ,is a completely self centered unreliable dork who thinks of no one but himself .I was also told that was why their marriage broke up . He was a uninvolved father.

Your wife will now start to bribe the kids I imagine. I am sure I don't have to mention this but you should be very proud of the stand they have taken. In fact, if your wife complains to you about it, all you have to say is "so let me understand this. You want me to encourage my kids, our kids, to compromise their principles like you did, so they can learn to accept being betrayed. HMMMMMMMMMM..... Let me think about that one."