No it wouldn't.

That would be a step up.

When did you meet the son?

How long were they living apart when you met him?

He was living in an apartment down the street from the house his wife and son were living in. He moved back into it about 8 months later (when he started cheating on me). I met the son around that time as he was still living there but not spending all his time there.

He had been living in the apartment 2.5 years when I met him.

I'm confused, so you met the son when your boyfriend began cheating on you?

Neb,

I repeat, did you call his wife at the time and ask her if dating him was ok with her???

Right around that time, yes. Keep in mind he was only emailing and talking on the phone to the OW. They were planning to establish a life about a year+ from the time they had reunited. He was just keeping me around for the interim. She knew about me but she didn't know how serious he had talked with me and still was.

This is the email he sent her a few weeks after I found out what was going on (the bold are parts I asked him to change/remove). I "allowed" him to stay in contact with her just because I figured he would just go behind my back again otherwise:
______________________________________________________________

Dear Tina:

When we saw each other in August, I said I was seeing Leslie and am in love with her, but had some trepidations about our direction. I have experienced many loses of my own in the past few years and have felt unsettled and even frightened about my future.

As I mentioned the last time we saw each other my relationship with Leslie has grown considerably over time since I have known her because I have let her into my heart. She has come to know me well and I have made a commitment to both of us. I have not regretted making this decision, but it hasn't been easy. I am grateful that we had the opportunity to reconnect and explore where we have been and where we are most likely headed.

You must know that I am utterly committed to Leslie. I can only have one love in my life and I know that you understand that. Having contact with you would only cause her pain and confusion and I am not willing to put her, or me, through that. I will not pretend to you or Leslie that you are not a very special person but I can not find a healthy balance for both of you and Leslie in my life at this time. Perhaps some day this will change; perhaps not. I will know that you are well through my sister and that I want to stay in contact with you as a friend that is interested in what you are doing with your life. But in order to strike a healthy balance I want you to know that my focus is on my relationship with Leslie, (my son), and my work here in (state).

Be well and safe,

Dave
_________________________________________________

She wrote back (paraphrased):

Dave,

When we were in (state), you'd asked whether we would consider "growing old" together. I did not hear your mentioning that you were "in love" with Leslie. If you'd used those very words, we would not have re-entered each other's lives, not even for a brief moment! I remember your mentioning that you were seeing Leslie and that she was 10+ years younger and you weren't sure which direction things were going. Otherwise I do not think you would have even thought to ask for us to "grow old" together, Yes?

I was truly relieved to have received your mail, 'cause, if we'd committed to each other, I would have acted in reliance (willingly, of course) in purchasing property in (state), selling off my various real estate investments around the world, and more importantly, since I have no Beneficiary - prepare my Estate in the name of ... (your son).

How grateful I am that your mail came. Truly! The timing could not have been more appropriate. Maybe (I will see you at a future event) this time with your future family? So happy for you and Leslie. Enjoy your lives together.

Stay well.

Much love,

Tina

Sounds like you the same treatment as his wife.

Karma.

No. I trusted his word (if you met him you'd understand why). Plus I saw her dating profile about a month later.

Oh yeah. I loved it.

You know what? [censored] you! This is a man I thought I might spend the rest of my life with. It's also a man who told me his wife neglected him for years.

For the record AGAIN... a lot of people nowadays stay together for financial reasons or the kids. I would have never gone out with him had I known they didn't really have an agreement.

It really sucks when the karma bus runs you over.

Okay so you were naive/immature and stupid when you took this guys word. Don't do it again and leave his exwife alone. All you are to his exwife is one of his OW. You said his exwife saw through him, so you know she knows he is no good. You would be insulting her to act like you know him better and want to help her by educating her about his ways. My assumption is that his exwife could probably give you an education on this man and had you called her in the beginning you would not be in this position today. Your choices put you where you are. Make better choices next time.

Be thankful that you did not marry or have any children with this guy and do not date any more married men.

Hi,

Pardon me for asking but what exactly are you hoping to accomplish by contacting his ex?

Charlotte

I can only imagine the lies he told her about me as he probably made up all the things he said about her.

I would like her to know I woudln't have gone out with him had I known they really didnt' have an agreement to date and I'd like her to know whatever he has said about me, as he did to me about her, is probably lies. She probably doesn't even have a clue we broke up because of one of his ex-girlfriends.

Why would you ever agree to date a married man? Married men always have an excuse to date. Who cares if his wife was okay with it? You shouldn't have been okay with it. There are more single women than single men. Why couldn't you just limit your search to single men instead of having an affair with a married man. Married is married, case closed. If he wanted to date you, he should have gotten divorced first. It really is a black and white line. Don't cross it again. Besides, the type of man that would date while still married is a scumbag that you should EXPECT will cheat on you later.

It is called a marriage liscence. You can't agree to date when you have one.

Nebulachic --

Why do you care? Let it go.

So some woman, who has never met you, was told lies about you.
Sounds like this guy tells lies to everyone. Is this about establishing yourself as a legit girlfriend??? You don't want her thinking you were just one of many (even though you were just one of many....)

You can't control this. He's probably going to lie about you to future girlfriends too.

Be glad you found out what kind of man he really is and move on.

From you well over a year ago. What kind of game are you playing?

Sorry... I hadn't ever dated a SEPARATED/MARRIED guy before.

Plus, and sorry to be redundant again, is anyone here familiar with the fact that a lot of couples nowadays BOTH AGREE TO DATE OTHERS WHILE SEPARATED?????

But oddly enough... SOME PEOPLE HAVE! AND SUCCESSFULLY!!