Yes, Hh, unfortunately, your thread has gone from tragic to reasonably pathetic. Its hard to respect someone who doesn't respect themselves, and it is evident by your stories of sloppy seconds that you don't respect yourself.

You tell us these stories of your interactions with her that EVERY SINGLE PERSON HERE IS APPALLED AT, yet you then go on to defend her and relay how great a person she used to be. Take that into consideration. All your happy stories about her are past tense. I think you should reread this whole thread, especially concentrating on Just Learning's posts. This woman is not holding you back. You are holding you back. Don't you want a healthy relationship with someone? This woman cannot give you that.

Your thread and your justifications are quickly approaching a vomit stage.

There comes a point where people stop posting because the person who allows themselves to be victimized over and over again just doesn't get it and seems oblivious to feedback and advice and simply continues to take it and take it.

To us you may as well go and fetch JO water while he's doing your girlfriend in front of you so that he can replenish his fluids and keep going while you polish his shoes and iron his shirt.

Shake his hand after he's done and pat your woman on the back for taking it so well and be happy she enjoyed it so much.

That's what you're basically doing by not taking action and letting this woman continue to come to your house after sleeping with JO and going over there over and over again while you "really show her how hurt you are!"

She doesn't care.

And you're letting yourself be abused.

I don't even feel bad about her. You're permitting this abuse.

And it is really sad to see you held hostage by your own fear and horribly low self esteem.

This girl is trailer trash.

You know what they say, "you can take the girl out of the trailer, but you can't take the trailer out of the girl."

You should seriously sign up for the Jerry Springer Show. Your story is unfortunately their kind of material.

This is a ridiculous comment. She's no different to most 23yr old out there. The only crime here is this posters need to change and control her.

Are you saying that most 23 year old women spread their legs for multiple blokes at once, ****edit**** out their bodies, then go home and tell their boyfriends all about it?

and...

if the boyfriend is really lucky then he might just qualify for ****edit****

This "woman" has probably got a ****edit**** than the most virile of men.

Are you 100% sure that the majority of 23 year old females are like that? Just like HIH's "girlfriend"?

I agree with you about HIH wanting to control and change her. He might as well be flogging a dead and rotting horse - HIH will catch something if he spends any more time near her.

Funny, I like the ****edit****! Most 23yr olds today don't want to be tied down is my point. As far as I was aware there was only one guy involved.

Apparently the poster stated she confessed that one time when she was drunk, JO's roommates played with her up top while JO took care of her down below. She had a foursome. She is NOT like most 23 year-olds.

Nope, multiple fellas all at once.

She is more "potent" than most 18 year old males

My word truth is stranger than fiction sometimes.

Look Dude, it may feel like your getting hit with a lot of 2x4's on this board; however, if people didn't CARE about your situation, people wouldn't have posted. I think we all would like you to take steps in the right direction. If you sit and REALLY THINK about how you been treated, I believe that you would come to the conclusion that you are extremely unhappy with the way things are going. We can talk to you all day and offer up advice just as long but YOU have to be the one to take action. We can't do it for you. YOU have to make the changes in your life and we'll be here to help you along the way if you need us. Hang in there!

Point taken! She's not like most 23yr olds...I HOPE!
However if this poster is happy with 'seconds' there is nothing we can do to help him. His lack of self worth needs to be addressed first. I personally think he needs counselling

MFIL is right


The way HIH writes and the tone in which he writes indicates that he has the self esteem of an ant. Honestly, it makes me cringe.

HIH for your own sake get rid of the toxic piece of trash girlfriend. Only after you've detoxed from this piece of waste, i.e. around 60 days of NC with her can you really get to work on your self-esteem which is at the crux of the issue here.

And once you have done that, believe me, you will be sickened at what you've written here when you revisit.

Just get it done. Cut off that gangrenous arm that is this person.

HiH,

You don't understand what we are telling you do you?

We are telling you to dump this girl, but we ALL are telling you far more than you seem to realize. She is NOT the problem.

The problem you have is that when she leaves you and she will, you may or may not have a child to take care of. You may or may not be happy she left. However YOUR problem is that the next woman is very likely to be just like her, and the one after that, and the one after that.

Predator men can sense a vulnerable woman. Predator women can sense a vulnerable man. You are a weak, defenseless, vulnerable man, and they can tell from a mile away. Our advice isn't about her particularly, because we all know she will use you and use you and use you some more, and then when she finds a better target, she will be gone.

So you just hang on to your foolish dreams and you won't have to get rid of her...she will get rid of you.

But, your real problem is that the next predator will come along and it will start over.

Your the one we are talking to. YOU are the one we are trying to encourage to grow a back bone, YOU are the one that needs to develop some respect. After all why should any one else respect you when you clearly have no respect for yourself?

What you are doing is NOT NOBLE. It isn't love as someone posted earlier. It is just infatuation and a need to be a victim.

Time to get some counseling.

God Bless,

JL

HIH, I've been thinking about you, and about how we've been beating you over the head with this. I know, from your side, you probably feel betrayed, coming here only to get pounced on like this. But sometimes something is so obvious just from someone's words that we all can't help but want you to see it, too.

I know all too well how hard it is to see a pattern from the inside. You have all these people telling you all these harsh things, flaming at your partner, tearing them down, and it hurts! I know! Your first instinct is to scream 'you just don't know her like I do!' I don't blame you.

But you are the one here, not her. If she were here, we would be chewing her out for hurting you so callously, trying to knock some sense into HER. Because there's not a single person here who can even justify what she's doing to you. But since it's you here, we are trying to show you how toxic she is to your mental health, so that you will 'get it.'

I know how scary it is to think about being alone. And how that makes you do unbelievable things to yourself to put up with someone who hurts you. I've been doing it 30 years. But at what cost? I have perennial medical issues from the stress and unhappiness; may even have to have surgery for it. We don't want that for you. We don't want you to know only being a doormat for people like her. And 'people like her' is the correct way to describe selfish, self-serving people who are willing to walk over someone else's feelings to feed themselves.

Please consider what we're saying in the spirit in which it was given - concern for you - and not in the method of the 2x4's, lol. We only want to see you getting the happiness and respect you deserve.

Ditto what Catperson just said. I also add the following info about borderline personality disorder. I've dealt with this type of woman in my past. Nearly every serious relationshipi I ever had was with a woman of this type and I am very consciously trying to break that pattern now.

The part about taking care of her feeling like a full time job is very applicable.

**********************edit***********

I am not sure what to make of this!!