No he does not HAVE to show up. It's in his best interest if he does, but court will go on regardless. There are many no-show parties at hearings who manage to get default judgments issued against them. If it were a criminal case THEN he would HAVE to show up.

If he does show up keep reminding yourself of his past AND current behavior... it'll make it easier. If he says anything to you, look through him and keep on moving. He doesn't deserve your attention!

My daughter has bouts of tenderness and pity for her ex... but then she reminds herself that he tried to kill her. It's easier to continue on with the prosecution against him that way.

Luna,

Actually, I didn't think court would be this soon either, but evidently the county that I moved into gets them through pretty quickly. My atty filed for spousal support, so this hearing is for that. I'm having trouble keeping all of the bills paid with the little amount of income that I have.

PM, I will keep those thoughts and hopefully it will be easier to make it through. I still think he will somehow find an excuse not to show. Maybe I'm wrong.

I'm pretty sure now that the A must have imploded. My DD said that he was coming to see her Sunday. He has been down there quite a lot lately which means that something has changed. If he were still with OP, he would be spending weekends in her state. Also, him going to see DD so much doesn't make sense either. Maybe guilt has set in. Guilt over the fact that when we both needed him he didn't come home. Guilt over the fact that when I forced our DD to go to rehab, he didn't come home yet he supported OP's son by going to rehab with him. Guilt over the fact that instead of being here with his own family he was passing himself off as a D'd person at OP's family gatherings.
Yes, PM, it's getting easier. Much easier.

It still doesn't change the fact that I don't want to be D'd. There are still many days where I just feel totally lost with no direction or future. No identity. It still sucks.

CHAI

You have an identity as G-ds child. Reach for him Chai, he is RIGHT THERE, with the direction HE wants you to go. TRUST him.

In the end, all we really have is G-d. He doesn't leave us, he loves us as we are, and he knows where he is taking us. Please look to him.

I love you girl.... I'm sorry you're hurting....

Chai

No one will ever love you like God does. You will survive all this.

If you were in a cheerier place, I would tell you about my latest project.

Queenie!!!!I miss you. Wish you were closer.....

Cinder, you can tell me about your project. I'm not on suicide watch yet....

Your joking right?

Yes, I was joking.....

Bear in mind that I like quick and easy projects......Today, I decided I need a Christmas scarf.

I'm knitting a 7 stitch wide, ribbed scarf.

2 strands of cream colored Plymouth DreamBaby and two strands of Sirdar Tuscany in Harlequin. Long and skinny. Will have it finished by Saturday evening.

A Christmas scarfe is one thing we never need in Australia!

They are usually hot with heaps of flies and in the tropics, you usually end up at the beach or in the pool!

So, you would be more likely to need a Christmas sarong? I guess a 'white Christmas' would refer to white sand at the beach?

CL


...yep...familiar feelings....

I think that's the challenge, CL.

To not feel as you say 'totally lost' means having plans & goals to give us some direction...and yep... the 'identity' thing I also find hard... it means having to redefine ourselves somehow... personally, I just haven't yet figured the 'how' or the 'what' out yet ...it seems part of it is going from 'being married' to being 'divorced'...and not by choice!

...I suppose this is where the 'trusting' part comes in... and to give time for things to 'unfold'...as unfold they will, whether we like it not.

This is where, if you can't think of anything else to do, BREATHE DEEPLY (can't really go wrong with that! )

Just needed to write a few lines here today as a form of therapy, I've been doing quite well actually. Sometimes it surprises me.

This morning I had an incident that took the wind out of my sails though. I thought I should have a baby shower for DD. The whole thing is a tragedy, but the baby has nothing and I can't afford to help her with much. My niece stopped by this morning to tell me that she and her mom felt that having a shower is sending the message that the baby brings attention, parties etc., and that Dd will probably sell whatever she gets anyway. In other words, they won't come. Wow, I guess I never expected something like that. That thought didn't even cross my mind actually. So, I cried for a bit then called a couple of friends who understand the situation and asked for their advice. In the end, I decided to have just a couple of very close friends who support me. They understand that Dd may not be able to keep the baby, and they also know that anything given may not last. Will my DD sell the baby's things? I really don't think she could stoop that low, but I guess people think that she will.

What a nightmare all of this has been. I keep thinking that this really can't be my life, but it is. I'm running out of steam....

Oh, Chai

I really don't know what say. So.....

Chai


(author unknown)
YOU

Are a woman of


Wisdom,


Courage, strength, compassion



& creativity



Go forth, then, with the fire of

Confidence in your heart, kindle it with care

& never let it’s brilliant flame go out!!


Fox

Chai,

Are you talking to G-d? Or still trying to do things for yourself. Have you picked up the bible lately and just thumbed through it for passages. I'm not nearly as equipped to give you a sermon or passage to read, I just KNOW the answer is there.

It is SO SAD, and sadder yet, there is NOTHING you can do. Will she take the presents and get money? Who knows, don't know what she is THINKING. She isn't thinking. She is ACTIVE in her ADDICTION.

A life is on the line because that ADDICT can't get it STRAIGHT enough to care for someone ELSE other than HERSELF.

I would have the party, I would know that I did what I could do and leave the result to G-d. That is ALL you can do.

I love you so much.....

The fact that you didn't immediately think she'd take the presents and sell them shows that you still have faith in your DD.

That is what she needs right now, your faith--and your prayers.



Not that you should weaken in your resolve so far, just that she needs you to at least pray for her.

Thanks for the support all. No, I don't actually think she would sell those things. Through all of this, she still has her ring that I gave her for high school graduation. It's diamonds and sapphires, so there are some things that she holds dear. She could have sold that long ago but for some reason she holds onto it. Everything else is gone, but she still has the ring.

And I am going ahead with the shower. It will be small but I think that it is important to do it. There are days where she disgusts me, but I just have to keep reminding myself that this is a disease.

WH still keeps telling her that *I* am costing him a lot of money. Not his own actions, not the OP, but me. A few more withdrawals and I may very well be in the red at the ol' Love Bank. Up to this point I've had overdraft coverage coming from somewhere, but not sure how long that will last.

Chai!

Yeah, sometimes your love bank does get overdrawn. Just know that it will eventually be back in the black.

As for your daughter, follow your heart.

And don't worry about idgit-h

Hi CL,


I think the fact that your DD may not be able to keep the baby will be a hard enough lesson/loss for her to bare. You seem to have thought about it, and not helping her with at least the 'basics' for the baby's arrival doesn't seem to sit well with you... so do what you gotta do. Yes, DD could sell the items she receives....her choice!

...one day, she will have enough regrets to want to 'turn her life around'... you and your DD need to continue to think this is possible...continue telling her that you love her, be clear on options she can count on you for support (getting healthy)... then, let it go!

...similarly to a Plan B... conditions for WS to meet to be part of your life... if not, life goes on! (at least, that's what we are trying to do here! ...most of the time )

CL

Thanks Luna, Cinder.

I just spoke with DD. I'm feeling like a schmuck because I won't let her come to my place. I know that my life will be h3ll, and I just can't allow it. She has no regard for privacy, she contributes nothing, and I know that within a few days I would have every addict in town here when I left for work. I'm feeling sorry for her right now. I need to protect my home so that I can be strong. This place provides the only only peace that I have. After everything that I deal with, I look forward to walking through the door at night to a quiet, peaceful place. This is such a hard thing for me.

She had just spoken with her dad and evidently they had a fight about something. She also said that he doesn't understand. I said understand what? She made some comment about the D etc. Something about how awful I was because I had my friend call him when he had the heart attack, that I didn't call myself. I explained my position that as long as he is with OP, I won't talk to him. She said something along the lines that he feels life or death situation is different. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision in not calling him, but it still stands that he made the choice, I didn't. If he wants this M, he has yet to show any desire for it.

I had my hair cut and colored today, and I have a stunning outfit picked out for court. I will hold my head high.....

Chai - I hope you remember my sons' friend who was pregnant with twin girls and a meth addict. Anyway, she had her babies and they were immediately put in foster care. They tested positive for drugs. But they both came out very healthy. For that I am grateful.

I really had very little hope for the babies.