No, I don't have a church. I've been away from church for a long time, but in January they are starting a series of classes called DivorceCare in my area that I think I will go to. I'll try the unitedway thing too. I just need to keep going and take each day as it comes I guess.

This may seem like a strange question for someone in Plan B, but I'm just not sure of what I should do here. Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'll be meeting my WW at our usual spot so I can get my son for Christmas day. The last time we met, I said absolutely nothing to her even though she was chatty. I still plan on saying nothing, but what if she says "Merry Christmas". I would feel funny not saying it back to her, or anyone for that matter. Would it be wrong to just say "You too" or something even though I'm not supposed to be communicating with here.

I don't think you have to be completely mute. If she says that then say "You Too" or "Back at You". Keep it small. Actually you could just say "Thanks" and then leave with the kid.

Actually you could just say "Thanks" and then leave with the kid.

I like that. I think I'll go with that if it happens. Thanks.

Man, I happened to get a look at her work email today (she had no idea) and it was a little frustrating to say the least. One email was from a friend of hers at work congratulating her on her newfound freedom. Not that bad.

Then, I find an email where she is communicatin with her 1st husband. I've known they email each other from time to time, he initiated contact with her a couple of years ago, apologizing for his behavior and telling her he's married now and happy and living in Korea. Anyway, she was telling him about various things and then I see that she is saying she is going to be filing for divorce on me sometime after the holidays.

Seeing that just killed me and I know it might just be the fog, and I shouldn't even be paying attention in Plan B, but I couldn't help feeling very low. I actually felt physical pain in my heart like it was stabbed or squeezed. For some reason, I can't shake the fact that she is serious and will be filing for divorce soon. It is really hard to believe that she is going to come around and realize what she's doing to the kids and me. The fact that she's telling people, including my stepson that we are going to divorce, sounds like she really plans on doing it. Is that normal?

Well, the reason you are supposed to cut off all contact in Plan B is just for this reason - so you don't see what's going on in her fog-filled head, and take it seriously.

Look at it this way: The ONLY way she will ever decide to dump the jerk and try your M again is if you take yourself out of the picture and say 'I won't wait around for you' (which is what she wants - to get some of her ENs met by you and some met by him.

If you take yourself out of the picture, she'll have to rely only on him, and you KNOW OM simply aren't interested in playing husband and daddy - they just want the game and the sex.

Stay dark!

Well, I guess its hard because I really can't be completely out of the picture, because we work at the same place and we share the kids. I did see her this morning to get my son and she did say "Merry Christmas" which I replied with "Thanks" and that is th only words that were said to each other. I'm staying dark so far. The only contact we've had is regarding my son.

Are you working on changing that?

Can you see yourself and your WW continuing to work at the same place, even if your M is recovered?

No, I can't. However I'm not going to leave myself. I have a son to support regardless of what happens between us, so I'm not going anywhere job wise. If we were to work on our marriage, I believe she would have to quit just to make sure there was NC with the OM. But right now, I can do nothing about it. If you've read earlier in my post, the HR department won't do anything about it and I've exposed to just about everybody, but nothing more is happening to them so I'm out of luck on that front.

Sounds like the OM is working there too, correct? Frankly, if I was in that situation, I'd be searching for another job. Even if HR decided to fire WW, continuing to work in the same place as the OM would be just too uncomfortable and the risk of the WW "accidentally" bumping into him, e.g. at office gatherings where spouses are invited, would still be there. So, either he would have to leave, or I would. Also, until that situation changed I would be on the hunt for a different job - I wouldn't be waiting for him to leave, and I certainly would not be comfortable working in a place where cheating/adultery was apparently acceptable behaviour. And once I found a new job, I would be out of there.

So what really is your plan, job-wise?

I've been there almost 10 years and built up a good salary and benefits and yes the OM works there as well. I don't feel like leaving that job would benefit me, it would probably hurt my chances of being able to support my son and keep my home. The job market here is terrible. I've been told that the OM may be on the way out (fired) anyway and that they don't like him all that much. It is very uncomfortable and awkward at times, but I have to think about my future and I like my job and they like me a lot.