I'm trying to prepare for the storm, and Sam would be happy to have her parents involved if they want that. She is going to try hard to hide all of this until the baby comes.

The grandparents could possibly make some argument to custody but Sam is the bio father so he has more rights.

I am concerned that he picked a woman like his mother, but this girl does not seem the same, mostly terrified of her parents disapproval and trying to live up to their standards. I'm glad Sam felt able to tell me about this.

I am really pissed off at the xW these past few days about the complete disappearing act but we are divorced. I am also angry at myself for staying with someone so damaged for so long, how could i have done that? I'm also trying to put the just divorced, newly grandfather and turning 42 all in the same head right now.

Well I've got a news flash for ya! Becoming a grandparent will be one of the most wonderful things that has happened to you in a long, long time. It's a blast! I've got 4 grandbabies with another on the way and I gotta tell ya, they are pure joy. At least you'll have THAT to look forward to.

Thanks princess,

I am a complete sucker for babies, I always have been. I'm going to be there when the baby comes, Sams GF asked me to be at the hospital. I'll be sure to get my time cuddling the new baby.

6,

There is a saying that I thinks bears on Sam's situation.


I suspect you are misreading this. Sam loved his mother and she betrayed him, you, and his siblings, therefore now he hates. That will fade as time and life moves on. Anger is a secondary emotion driven by primary ones such as: pain, fear, anxiety, frustration, etc. You suppose Sam feels any of those, I think he does. He lost his mother.

The rest of your children on the other hand, seem to feel indifferent, perhaps because she ceased being a mother while they were much younger. There is little chance they will actually ever really care for her if that is the case. In fact, they simply won't care about her one way or another.

Part of me says, great she is getting what she deserves. However, for the kids sake it might be good for her to have been or be in their lives. That may never happen, and thus the normal support young adults receive from their mother, be it marriage, childbearing, etc, they will miss. Sam may as well, but his hatred means there is still love.

Just thoughts.

God Bless,

JL

JL,

You are probably correct that Sam actually has the most feelings for xW. I hate to see him in pain over this and I am sure that the hate is partly a mask for the pain of having his mother fail to care about him having a child.

6,

I think you need to have a man to man with him about this. I think it would also be wise to discuss your concerns with your mother, and your MIL. These two women are going to be surrogate mothers to his child as time goes on. These two women may be surrogate mothers to him as well.

Talk with them, see what they say. There is nothing wrong with his feelings, but there is also nothing wrong with the adults in his life watching out for him as well. He is going to be under a lot of pressure pretty soon.

God Bless,

JL

PS: He has no clue the time and effort a new born baby takes.

Just checking in,

Things are sort of quiet right now in my life. Sam's GF is determined about her decision, although she seems pretty attached to our family. She sends us emails about her doctor visits and always tries to make sure I will be there when the baby comes. Sam says he will call him Gabriel (after me. ). The baby and mother both are healthy and looks like we should expect a full term birth.

The rest of the family have slipped into the routine. Sam still hates his mom but the others never mention her, except in family therapy. She has not contacted us at all but I think she has been speaking with her mother.

I've been getting happier myself as well. I'm doing great at the gym ( I'll be a buff grandpa soon ). Work is going well. I know some of you don't approve of the casual sex with the young woman from the gym but that is also working for me right now.

Occasionally I get extremely angry and guilty about the stuff I put the kids through and xW's disappearing act. But I can get people to beat that out of me at the gym. I'm trying hard to make it right.

You've still seen hide nor hair of your XWW?

It seems really odd. 0.o

Rose,

I have not heard boo from her, as people around her say. I think she is still in Italy. I'm not sure how long her settlement money will last her. I also think that the longer she goes with no contact the harder it will be to start. I think that when she wants contact she will work through her mom. xMIL and I are on great terms so that would be a way to start.