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Let us know when you are ready to START!!! started yesterday. Yeah, I heard :RollieEyes: ... you made an ATTEMPT "yesterday" to expose to OMW, but only left a message and are now using that as your excuse du juor for not exposing further. Like I said ... SAME EXCUSES ... DIFFERENT DAY!!! He's doing fine, taking Steve's advice. Let's not instigate.
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the first thing she will do is warn OM. The last time I confronted her, her first question was "have you told OMW." Yeah....but....I'm sure she is of two minds about that. Half of her doesn't want to rock the boat so she can continue the affair. the other half wants him all to herself. I saw it in my WW. Went to great lengths to hide and continue A, but the saddest she got was when the OM decided to stay with his W. Anyway, stay focused and patient. If the OM doesn't mention your call in his chat, maybe the OM'sW hasn't seen it yet, or is pondering, or is looking for the right time to call you between kids and work and her H being around. It hasn't even been 24 hours, just breathe deep..
Last edited by Mike_C2; 12/17/08 12:37 PM.
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He's doing fine, taking Steve's advice. Let's not instigate. I'll tell you what, Mike ... you advise as you see fit, and I'll do the same. You very well may be the LAST person on this forum that I would listen to ... you may have forgotten your responses to my honest inquiries when you first returned to MB, but I assure you ... I HAVEN'T. 
Last edited by MyRevelation; 12/17/08 12:46 PM.
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If you do it from a position of care and concern, there is no problem with you exposing this to OMW's family if you have to. This [censored] is their son-in-law. They need to know what is going on so they can SUPPORT her.
Just call -- ask if they can help you get ahold of OMW. Tell them it is urgent and is in regard to OM. Found OMW's sister on peoplefinder.com. It had 5 or 6 phone #'s but none of them were valid #s
Me, BH - 26
WW - 27
d-day - 10/28/08
d-day 2 - 12/15/08
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tc9,
Do you even want to stay married at this point? Why not just call it a day, file for D and file a lawsuit against the OM as well. I'm pretty sure that his BW will find out abou t the A when he gets served.
Me 42 BS
Wife 41 FWW (exwife now)
Divorced 10/14/2008
S 21
D 18
D 16
S, S 13 (twins)
Grandson 8 months
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file a lawsuit against the OM as well. what lawsuit could i file against OM? Do you even want to stay married at this point? At this point, yes. I still love my WW. I will work at fixing our marriage until I have no energy left. When all my energy is gone along with my love for WW, it will be a no-brainer to walk away, I'm just not there yet. If I walk away now while I still have energy left, I may look back on this for the rest of my life and wonder if I truly gave everything I had. I don't want to live the rest of my life like that.
Me, BH - 26
WW - 27
d-day - 10/28/08
d-day 2 - 12/15/08
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TC9,
Love is a feeling, you should plan you life with you brain and thinking. We can always have regrets but are you seriously going to consider having children with this woman? That would be very very foolish.
As far as the lawsuit, how about alienation of affection?
Me 42 BS
Wife 41 FWW (exwife now)
Divorced 10/14/2008
S 21
D 18
D 16
S, S 13 (twins)
Grandson 8 months
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As far as the lawsuit, how about alienation of affection? Doesn't apply in my state. We can always have regrets but are you seriously going to consider having children with this woman? that is something I would have to consider once the A is over and were are in recovery.
Me, BH - 26
WW - 27
d-day - 10/28/08
d-day 2 - 12/15/08
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TC9,
I really hope this works out for you, you seem like a sincere young guy. As a much older guy, who lived through alot of pain, I really think you should walk away while things are less complicated.
Me 42 BS
Wife 41 FWW (exwife now)
Divorced 10/14/2008
S 21
D 18
D 16
S, S 13 (twins)
Grandson 8 months
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I really hope this works out for you, you seem like a sincere young guy. As a much older guy, who lived through alot of pain, I really think you should walk away while things are less complicated. thanks for your concern, I really hope things work out too, but I do realize that ending the A is just the very first step in a long road to recovery. And I realize that recovery may not be possible. We are not planning on having kids for at least 5 years, if ever, so the situation shouldn't get anymore complicate. I use the words "planning" and "shouldn't" like a fool, but we are extremely careful, always have been.
Me, BH - 26
WW - 27
d-day - 10/28/08
d-day 2 - 12/15/08
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Have you thought about sending a certified letter to her, restricted (where only she can sign) with a return receipt requested?
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Have you thought about sending a certified letter to her, restricted (where only she can sign) with a return receipt requested? Yeah, I was thinking that too. If he could find where she works (if she does) that would be another way to make sure OM doesn't intercept.
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Have you thought about sending a certified letter to her, restricted (where only she can sign) with a return receipt requested? Yes, that thought has occurred to me. It will take a couple days to get there, but I should probably just send it now in case it takes me longer than that to get her on the phone. Would you recommend that I explain the whole situation in the letter, or should I just urge her to call me again? If i just tell her to call me, she might ignore it, but seeing that I went through the trouble of actually sending a certified letter, she would probably have to take it seriously.
Me, BH - 26
WW - 27
d-day - 10/28/08
d-day 2 - 12/15/08
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Yeah, I was thinking that too. If he could find where she works (if she does) that would be another way to make sure OM doesn't intercept. She does work, but I don't know where. I was thinking of calling a PI to figure that out. A certified letter will most certainly arrive while she is at work, so they would leave a note on the door about delivering again the next day. She will also be at work the next day, so then they will leave a note to come pick it up from the post office. Do you guys know if the notes they leave say who the letter is from? If it says it is from me, she might not bother to go pick it up.
Me, BH - 26
WW - 27
d-day - 10/28/08
d-day 2 - 12/15/08
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I was thinking of calling a PI to figure that out. I think this is your best bet to make SURE that she gets it. In the letter I would explain who you are and tell her that your W and her H ARE having an affair. You don't have to lay out all your evidence in the letter. Just say that you still love your wife and are trying to save your marriage. Ask her to call you so you can talk.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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You are right, the certified letter may tip the OM.
Well, again, it is less than 24 hours since you called. Maybe just give it a day. It would be great to find out where she works.
Do you have any clues as to what her line of work is?
The other thing to remember is -- she probably doesn't want to know. The OM has told her you are crazy and obsessed, etc. He's kissing her butr so she thinks everything is cool.
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In the letter I would explain who you are and tell her that your W and her H ARE having an affair. You don't have to lay out all your evidence in the letter. Just say that you still love your wife and are trying to save your marriage. Ask her to call you so you can talk. I have already exposed the A to her one, 6 weeks ago, so she knows they had an A, and who I am. She just thinks that things are over between OM and OMW.
Me, BH - 26
WW - 27
d-day - 10/28/08
d-day 2 - 12/15/08
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Do you have any clues as to what her line of work is? All I know is that she has her masters degree in math. I met her in person once before finding out about the A, and something tells me that she is a teacher, but the day I did expose to her 6 weeks ago, she was out of town at a conference, so that probably rules out teacher.
Me, BH - 26
WW - 27
d-day - 10/28/08
d-day 2 - 12/15/08
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I'd really like to tell WW's sister about this while i am waiting to hear back from the OMW. I think I can trust her not to tell her mother or to call WW, I'm not positive. It is really hard to just hold this info and wait.
Me, BH - 26
WW - 27
d-day - 10/28/08
d-day 2 - 12/15/08
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I dunno, it seems teachers go on an awful lot of conferences. If she is a teacher most local schools list faculty.
Do you know where she got her agree? You could look through their alumni, or maybe classmates.com
I wouldn't bother telling WW's sister, what's the upside? Vent here.
So, use this time constructively....what exactly would you say if the OM's W called right now?
I think you have to get it right out in front in cases she hangs up, or maybe even starts by saying don't call me.
Maybe:
"Look, I know they had sex last Friday, I have definite proof, you and I have to be allies to break this up."
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