Rusty, I know it seems scary, but what you did offers the greatest hope for your marriage because it will cause the greatest damage to the affair. She will be angry, but she will get over that.

On the other hand, her continual association with the OM at work caused her affair to get more and more entrenched. She was scared to be exposed at work for good reason: she knew it would interfere with her affair. The very best thing for your marriage is for her to lose that job.

So, please don't despair. She will be angry for sure, Rusty, but it won't be for naught.

I found out that he had called her a couple of times from work using someone elses cell phone since OMW monitors their bill now. I told her in no uncertain terms that if he calls her again that I will contact OMW and tell her. She got pretty mad but then he called her tonight and she told him that it would be best if he didnt call again. She doesnt know that I am checking her cell calls...so I will know.

She caught him in so many lies that she says she loves him and all but wants to get away from him. She is also upset that he will not leave his wife for her. lol SHe seems to swing back and forth on wishing he would be with her and wanting him to just fall off of the face of the earth.

If he calls again, I will contact OMW even though she doesnt want me to. She would probably actually be glad that I let her know about his sneaking around, even if she wouldnt say so.

I also told the wife today that I realized that I cannot make her mind up for her and that I cannot make her come back if she doesnt want to but I can damn sure make sure that the adultery ends.


Is exposing not big LB?

It "is" a LB, if simply judged by one action you can take to totally pi$$ off a WS.

But when you know that a marriage cannot begin to enter recovery until there is No Contact, and exposure is the #1 weapon a BS has to crush the affair, it is not considered a LB.

Feels like one, though, doesn't it? :MrEEk:

Sure does.

Oh well, I will do all I can and then the rest is up to everybody else.

Actually, when the exposure is complete and the fallout is apparent, the rest is up to you.

Ensure that NC stays in place.

Do a brilliant and committed Plan A.

Fill her EN's whenever possible.

Court her like you did when you first got together.

Be creative and thoughtful in your efforts.

Don't allow yourself to be drawn into confrontations.

Don't respond negatively to her fog. Humor her, without making fun of her.

Tell her you believe in your marriage and will continue to do everything to fight for it, even if it's uncomfortable for her.

Believe in your efforts.

What do I do when she says stupid stuff like she is considering moving an hour and a half away? How do I handle the total BS that spews from her mouth?

It's fog talk. Just nod, smile, and go "ummmmm hmmmmm" and change the topic to a bite to eat at her favorite eatery.

ok. 1 more question for tonight, I am naturally a big baby. Any tips or tricks to fighting back emotions?

Think how exposure is going to most likely make the OM go "man, this chick is more trouble than she's worth!" And most likely (won't say FOR SURE) drop her.

That may help calm you down.

Oh god I hope so. She starts building up resentment and all for him and then he calls or comes to her at work and sweet talks her. He tells her he wants to be with her blah, blah blah, but cant lose all his stuff with his marriage.

WW already knows he has slept with a few of the girls that worked at this job but she says she is special. lol.

I just wish he would go away.

Tell her you exposed so that none of the other women in the workplace would find themselves feeling just as special. His reign of using women in the workplace should be over.

So I should tell her I told them at work before she finds out on her own? Could she then sabbotage it or ???

No-- DO NOT TELL HER.

The efficiency of exposure is best when you let them find out about the fallout from it on their own.

What if she/they just deny everything?

I am planning on plan Aing until Feb and then plan Bing. Sound good?

Also, in plan A I dont mention the kids being sad about all this or anything else that makes her feel bad, right?

My WW is on a big kick tonight about wanting to move in with a drug addict and when I said my children will not be allowed to come over she went off. Her main theme in all of this is me trying to control her life. She wants to be independent, blah, blah, blah. Is this a big wayward theme or did I just get "lucky"?

Classic wayward, rusty. A lot of waywards classify you standing up for your marriage as being "controlling and unreasonable!"

Rusty - this is the same wayward script that has been repeated ad nauseum since the first WW.

Hang in there - there are stories of successfully turning this around. Search for mywifeIlove or toomuchtoosoon - your story isnt unique and it can be turned around.

Concentrate on making the marriage the best alternative while making the affair more difficult than its worth. Think of ways to put some conflict in affairland.

Might want to visit a doctor for some AD's to keep the emotions in check. Being emotional is normal in this situation but you have to control this for the time being.

Are you still living in separate households? Do you still have the primary care of the kids?

Rusty? What is this about? Who is this drug addict?

you do your BEST to make her see the consequences of her adultery. Tell her about their grief. I would also make sure she understands that you will make it very hard for her in any legal action and will try and gain primary custody because she is so unstable.

What is your visitation like? Have you contacted an attorney? How old are your kids, Rusty?

The drug addict is a girl she works with. She has stayed with her a few days. She is wanting to move and hour and a half away because she says that it is closer to work and that is where her friend wants to live. I know it is to be closer and more convenient to OM.

After a little snooping, she snuck out for sex with him yesterday morning. I guess I should tell his wife, even though she doesnt want me to. He bought an affair phone since his is being monitored.

Told D7 what was going on this morning. I probably should have told her before, but I did this morning.