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Hi...
I would like to know what are the right reasons for wanting to try and work at a marriage?.
I know what they are, but my WW seems to throw that up at me. A lot of you are aware of my situation.
She says she is really looking forward to me coming to see her.
I seem to get a lot of mixed messages from her.
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Maybe I should add some more info..
We have to kids together and we have separated them I have one here in Australia and she has the other child with her in Denmark.
Please dont start telling me how bad a person I am for this I have heard it all before from these boards. You all have to believe me when I say this I want nothing more to have my family back together as a whole unit.
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I don't know your story.
Reasons for desiring to work on the marriage vary but usually there's more motivation if children are involved and if the marriage is a longer one.
Someone married 10 years with 3 children has a lot more reason to save their marriage than someone married 18 months with no children.
Someone married for 32 years with children and grandchildren has a lot of reason for wanting to save the M, too.
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We posted at the same time.
You're not a bad person, you're just in a bad situation.
My ex and I agreed to 50/50 custody, with the children living with him for six months and then me for six months. Then he moved several states away (about 900 miles) and the courts would not change the custody arrangement because I could not "prove" that it would hurt the children. I think things could have been better for them but 11 years later they're happy, do well in school, and seem as confident as any teens. No drug or pregnancy problems, no record with the police.
I have a relative who went through a nasty divorce and the daughter stayed with her and the boys with their father. It worked for them.
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I have been receiving a lot of mixed messages from my WW of late.
My problem is I seem to over analyse it. Sometimes I get the feeling she wants to work at it, she has told me it is a slow process and to be paitent with her and to give her time, if I hear that once more I will scream we have been separated 12 months now, and I still want to work at it.
When is enough enough?
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She says she loves me, but does not have the feeling there to want to jump my bones. What does that mean?. Is sex that important when it comes to a young family and having them split up. I have told her that feeling can come back if she is willing to want try and work at the marriage we have been married for 10 years.
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Hi pottsy,
I remember you from last year. I'm sorry to hear you are having so much trouble. Is she still with her paramour?
Charlotte
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She says she is'nt but its hard to tell but they are just friends now. One thing she did say to me was if we were to get back together she would want to have the OM as a friend and I told her that would be a really big problem for me. So in answering your question Charlotte I am not entirely convinced she is not still romantically involved with him.
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Pottsy,
Friends of mine from Denmark told me that the social welfare system there was so good they had no worries, do you believe that contributes to her reluctance to get back with you.
Unlike in the USA where we work like slaves to enjoy alot of material junk and hopefully health insurance, but with no safety net to catch us if we fall off the machine. I think this keeps some USA couples together.
NJ
Last edited by newjersey; 12/19/08 06:54 PM.
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I dont think that really comes into it NJ.
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When do I let her go. I must say she is talking about us a lot easier than she did earlier in the year. She has told me something just clicked in her what that means I have no idea
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before anyone waste their time on this poster, I suggest looking at his history. HE intentionally divided his two children for his own use....to cause his wife pain and to ease his. He took one of his children out of country and left the other one behind.
Without a doubt, this is an example of the worst parenting and parent I have ever seen.
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Here we go again. Always great to hear from you. Just get over what I did to my kids in splitting them up. I am trying to fix it.
Why cant you just leave me alone.
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Quote:PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE NOT CONSIDERING GOING ALONG WITH THIS PLAN TO SEPARATE THE CHILDREN. medc
Quote:I am because I cannot live in this country I cannot speak the language and if I was to get a place of my own I would not be able to do the basic things in life.I also need to have my support network around me.
I just feel that if we do go through with this plan then I want her to suffer as much as I am.Pottsy
ENOUGH SAID???
Last edited by medc; 12/19/08 07:54 PM.
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MEDC hav'nt you got some gang bangers to go and arrest just stop adding your 2 cents worth of criticism to my posts
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Nah, I have plenty of time here to make sure that anyone that decides to post to you KNOWS full well that you were willing...and did...divide your children for your own sick, twisted benefit.
I quoted your own words...you used your own child so you would not be alone...and to hurt your wife. YOU made a decision to leave the country...leave your daughter and divide her from her brother.
If I am wrong...go back to your old posts and refute what I have said.
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You're not a bad person, you're just in a bad situation. He split up his two children to hurt his wife. That is the definition of a bad person.
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****edit****
Last edited by Dufresne; 12/19/08 08:11 PM. Reason: TOS Violation - Profanity
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Look, before you go spewing profanity at me...tell me where I am factually wrong. You DID the things I have pointed out and yet you still fail to see how dysfunctional and cruel that was/is. The ONLY way for you to redeem yourself is to get those children back together immediately...and beg them for forgiveness.
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Lets get a few things straight. I am not the one who had the affair,I am not the one who did not want to try and work at the marriage. Yes we are responsible for splitting our kids up.
It makes me very angry when you portray me as a bad parent. I am not a bad parent and I will not take you portraying me as one.
At the time I wrote those posts that you seem to pull out of your behind I was in a world of hurt.
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