Thank you all.

My kids are swung right back into it now too...mom's @the puter crying again, dad ain't actin' right, they know something's up. DD/12 keeps finding reasons to come over by me, DS/9 is finding reason to be far away. This is their drill.

It could be a deal breaker anyway. I'll announce to him the requirement. I don't want to spend the day with him!

Julie,

There is a very small window of opportunity after an alcoholic drinks for their "guilt" to work on them to DO what is necessary to get themselves sober...Right now he feels bad enough to perhaps get help...Soon though the rationalization stuff will kick in in his brain, telling him that he doesn't need AA, he can do this on his own and other lies...Personally, I wouldn't miss the chance to set your boundary...But I defer to Mel and Pep who know far more about this than I do...

Mrs. W

I know it is! But, if I've got one thing right now it's honesty.


I won't dwell, it's not something I do anymore. That's why I need to get going - I found during Plan B that misery's biggest defeater is BUSY.

And those awful frown lines are GONE - I'll be d*mned if they come back. I hear you, sister.

I think you are right, Ma'am. I need to pick up and get going.

Mel - How many AA meetings do you average a week?

Mr Pep does one a day unless he has to be on set at 4 AM or some other unholy hour.

Julie - the AA success stories make a lifetime committment to it.
Are you up for your H going to frequent meeting for the rest of his life.



THAT is my requirement, and I must tell you, we are joyful and at peace in our life.

I suspect that you think your H will go to a lot of meetings, get fixed, and then slowly cut down on meetings. That is how people fail at this.

This is true. Would it be ok for a WH to see his OW every day as long as he doesn't speak to her and avoids eye contact? I wonder how long the affair would stay over?

To expect your H stay sober while smelling booze while around drinking ppl is an impossible expectation. It is a test of will in a battle he already lost.

He already lost the battle and he keeps going back to get shot again? How smart is that?

Pep, yes and no. Or, I'm not sure.

I know that I was a "Lifer" at Al-Anon & my kids were very into Alateen just a few months back. I'm not sure if I'm ready for H to go often because he seems so intent on having a vice...what if he picks up a chick? Or starts a "bad boys movement" within the group?

YES I'm afraid he'll fall back again. So then, what's the point? If he doesn't wanna he ain't goona! Mel, who's very very familiar w/my sitch & many like mine, already hit it on the head: it was inevitable.

Anyway, he's in the basement. It's where he goes to hide. "Dad's pad when mom's mad". I'll go down & tell him. Do I wait for an answer or do I leave him to decide? FYI, that setup is VERY reminiscent of how the separation begain 12/28/08 - quit drinking & recover our marriage, or leave. Then I walked out and he was gone in 2 hrs. Very triggering.

Julie- I know you are madashell at him right now. Do you love him?

If only I didn't.

Yes, I do.

And I hate him right now. Yep, both. I swear it.

I'd planned to run him to Walgreen's this morning to buy & utilize one of those check-up-on-your-teenager test kits. Glad he confessed first, I guess...

Julie, I GET IT

The hate will fade quickly - the love won't.
You're stuck loving a flawed man.

Get away from him for a few hours so you can cool off. Call a friend. Go for a walk. Go to the gym. Go to a church.

WHY ARE YOU MAD AT HIM?? I don't understand why you are mad at him? You knew he would drink again. I told you this. YOU AGREED TO THIS SET UP.

I don't understand why you would test him if you KNOW he is going to drink again? What is the point? If a drunk hangs out in bars with drinking people, THEY ARE GOING TO DRINK.

There is no point in testing him. IT IS A FOREGONE CONCLUSION.

Julie - he's mad and disappointed in himself as well.

Tell him : "GO to a meeting today. Go tomorrow. Go twice a day if you feel anxious."

He needs new friends. His drinking friends are off limits. This is a VERY hard time of year for sober alcoholics.

My H did not go to his show's rap party because he knew the booze would be flowing. We go to AA parties, and we have a blast. The one last week was so much fun, the hostess set up a karaoke machine and it was crazy fun, but sober 100%.

OK. DD/12 went down there by him about 10 min ago. She's trying to feel him out. Such a smart kid. He's not telling her. Yes, I'm eaves-dropping. I gotta get outta this house. Thanks Pep. Calling my mom now. If Momma can't come, I put on my jogging shoes. I'll be back...

I will just say it again, a drunk cannot sober up while living in this environment. The problem is not that he drank last night, THAT WAS A FOREGONE CONCLUSION. The problem is his lifestyle. Julie, you have AGREE TO THIS. You AGREE to live with him while he lived a drunken lifestyle.

Uh huh. Got that. Thanks though. Trying to plan my life now. AGAIN...

And don't nag. Give him permission to take the time to go to meetings.

...and stop yelling. I know the facts & I'm (still (or, again)) trying to make it right. Does "I told you so!" feel that good? I didn't come here for pity. I accept lashings, I need help.

good luck

I won't post to you again.