Hey SD,

Just here to offer support. Since I don't have little ones now, I can't imagine what I would do in that case. Maybe one day you will get to total indifference and it won't matter. You may even get a personalized license plate that reads "THKS POSOM."

Remember When Harry Met Sally? Sparks don't necessarily have to fly on the first date. Hang in there....

Last night DD5 and I went caroling with my neighbors, and it was a blast! I had WAY more fun than I would have imagined. One of my neighbors is an old choir singer and missed it, so she wanted to do some of the more difficult songs. I found that I could still dredge up the bass part (or most of it, anyway) for Carol of the Bells from, like, 20+ years ago. I didn't realize how much I miss singing. It was ostensibly for the kids, but I could tell who was having more fun.

It fits with the theme of getting one's life back as we Come Out the Other Side of the ordeal (that I've been reading about on Amigo threads). Caroling with neighbors is something I wouldn't have done with the SCQ. In fact, the SCQ's leaving allowed me to get closer with my neighbors than I've ever been. I like most of them better than the SCQ, anyway.

Life is good.

Yes, sir, indeed.

Oh My!!! Another one who found life after D. I hope I'm the next one to do so....

I know survival is possible! I know there are worse things than what the waywards have done to us! I know life can be much better. It doesn't always mean you possess more in terms of material things. But, you can have so much more peace and joy than living with someone who is not participating in the marriage.



PEACE ON EARTH!!

SD, and everyone else .....

When I have the exh around the kids for functions like Christmas, it does not cause any resentment in me. I do not feel that I am sacrificing. I think that I would have been sacrificing to stay in a M with someone that did not love me...

But, the question was also brought up about IF the exws had a significant other, especially if it was the OP.... Well, my exh and his gf, along with her kids, have been at my house for my kids birthdays. And, it was fine. His gf is pleasant enough, and my family talked to her, she felt REALLY nervous (you could tell), but when they came in, I greeted them both warmly, and introduced her to everyone.

She was well-liked by my family, and it seemed to alleviate some of the concerns that my parents especially had about her.

Could I have done it if I had even a FLICKER of hope that one day we would get back together? Nope. I don't want to get back with him, I am happier, he is happier, the kids seem ok. They know that they are loved, loved so much, by everyone in their lives. I could not have thought this was possible two years ago.

And you know what? I do think that if I were to try to teach him a lesson, to show him what he lost, (such as not inviting him over on Christmas) it would affect the kids more than him. He is not going to learn any lesson that I would try to teach him. I would just come off as being mean. Because what would my reasons be for him not to come over? Ummm? I have NONE. Other than to be vindictive. And, as I have gotten older, and wiser, I have realized that there is not much joy in doing things JUST to hurt someone, JUST to show them. I only pull out that card if I HAVE to... and believe me, I know when I have to!

And SD, ONE more dating tip... when I am asked what happened in my M, I usually crack, "well you know the story- I became a horrible person, and I was unbearable to live with!" I then laugh and say that we just were not right for each other. And I leave it at that. I know that I can answer, when I have been asked, "were you ever unfaithful?" I can, with a clean conscious say NO, and then I will say that I do not have tolerance for that. Then THEY know.

I am going to finish up some baking, and some, sigh, laundry, and then, I am off to bed.... I hope that all you have have a wonderful Christmas, may you all be filled with LOVE!

:happyholidays:

I think this is a good example of what I had eluded to earlier, Sadmo. That some folks can be happy co-parents. The hurt from the affair is gone for them, they are better off, and the DESIRE a friendly relationship with the ex.

However, I would like to point out that NOT inviting your ex over for the holidays is in no way vindictive, if you are doing it to protect yourself. It's not meant to hurt the ex. It's not done JUST to hurt someone else.

In Guy's case, it is quite early to be inviting SCQ over. Not even a month ago, he was still holding on in his Plan B. I think some more time SHOULD pass before he delves into a friendship with his ex.

In my case, it's the same. WAAAAAAAAAY too early to attempt this. I know from seeing my STBX at football games that I would prolly throw a SHOE at him or at least feel hurt with him around.

Maybe the future will hold different things for us, but for now, I'm not betting on it.

Sadmo,

Lucky for all of us that we each get to make our own decisions. What you feel is right for you and your family is not necessarily right for others. Sames goes for everyone.


If your exh "gf" is the OP and you are welcoming her.......

You are sacrificing whether you believe it or not.

Come hell or high water, this would not happen in my house. And it has nothing to do with being vindictive.

WOW SD, so much going on with you! I agree on the Plan B forever BUT my sitch is a little different and it's actually healthier for me...

So glad to hear that you are enjoying your neighbors...

yes Chai, there is life after D...LOL

merry Christmas SD!

I was thinking about you last night, Guy Smiley, and realized I called POSOM "wonderboy" in my previous couple of posts. Sorry.

They are all one and the same to me.

Merry Christmas, my friend.

Fox

No worries, O Foxy One, I knew what you meant. And I'm with you on your comment to Sadmo. I can't imagine that POSOM will ever be welcome in this house. Sometimes I consider POSOM. On good days, nothing registers, which is how I like it, but other times my wishes for him range from painful death to crippling injury to eternal damnation.

Almost all days are good days lately. Some day he'll get his.

DS9 and I went to the Poinsettia Bowl last night and had a good time. The Boise State Broncos and the TCU Horned Frogs, and it was an exciting game. I'll spare you the discussion of how "cold" it was. DD5 should be here soon, but she's sick, so we'll probably be shut in for the next couple of days. It's cool. We've got stuff to do.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

MC!! Hope Santa was good to the kiddos this morning.

:MerryChristmas:

Hope your day was wonderful!

Hi SD,

...I know I am running late on my comment....but I am with SL on the issue....


Looks like you are steadly 'sailing' ahead, SD...

Hello all!
With my exh, it was not that I was inviting him over to see the kids on the holidays, he would ask, and I would let him.

I think that I have just come to a point that the less drama I have the happier I am.

I could see how getting a D could eat you alive. Heck, I was in that boat for a while. But, after all was said and done, he did not want to be with ME, and I would not have settled for someone that just 'settled' to be with me. And that was kind of freeing for me. Sure I still get upset once in a while that the kids are being raised without both of their parents, but what could I do? Anger and resentment can eat you alive. I chose to put aside those feelings, for the happiness of my kids. It works for me. As I said too, I would not be able to do it though if I wanted to be back with my exh even a LITTLE. It would hurt too much.

I am not saying that if it would upset anyone that they should do it, I am just saying that I am happier now just moving forward. Not dwelling.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas! My kids and I did!

Sadmo, you're a better woman than I am! I DID NOT want POWS in this house to celebrate anything...I can't give him an inch, he'll try to take a mile!

I think the holidays have him wanting what he has lost...

SD, I'm with you, not no, but He)), no! with or without another woman...perhaps in the future but I can't see that right now...

I think POWS is still hoping and wishing to some degree...

Sure can. That's why I don't live there anymore. I've truly moved on, but I've moved on in such a way that does not include the Z in MY existence. The relationship he has with his son is his to do with what he can/will.

For me, that means not talking to him, not hangin out with him, and not giving my son any false hope that we will ever be together again; I know my kid, and he probably hopes even without his dad hangin out with us.

Also, the Z would never ask to come over for the holidays. HE'S moved on. This is our dynamic, post separation/divorce, and that's okay. My son will have to live with things the way they are. THat's tough, but coming from a family of divorce myself, that's just the way the ole cookie crumbles...

Thanks for the Christmas wishes, everyone. We had a pretty good day. It was raining, so we couldn't go to the beach, but both kids were sick, so it was just as well that we stayed home. We got out a little bit yesterday and a bit more today, so we're not doing too bad with the cabin fever.

Yesterday, the OMxW called me on my cell phone. I only saw the number, because she didn't leave a message. It's messed with my peace a bit--what does she want? Did the infidels get married? Is she going to tell me POSOM is taking his kids along on the trip to visit xILs? In the past, I tried to help her, but she was never able to help herself, and now I don't have much use for her. She hasn't called again.

One more day with the kids, then they go back over to the SCQ. Hope everyone is having good holidays!

Jesus! What is it with these ppl? OW called BUGS not to long ago...now, you with this...

There has to be something in the air around the holidays! I'm glad that you didn't decided to call her back or anything...no sense in opening up wounds or anything like that!

I KNOW that you are enjoying the kiddos! We've been playin the Xbox since they got home!