I am not sure what MB suggests that you should do. I know that you should be in plan A for a few months and than go to plan B for your own sanity. It is very stressful to plan A an active WS. Please create a "bump" thread and ask for help if you want some vets' opinions.

I hope that you will find a way to feel better. I strongly encourage you to do something, make a plan and follow it. Feelings can follow actions and if you do things you will feel better. Make yourself do it. You are a strong young man and you can do it! Re-organize the house or learn to play the trumpet. Bake bread, that's what my councellor told me to do when I was at my lowest.

I will not be here for a few days but I wish you a good christmas. Take care of yourself.

I knew she knew about this site; I guess she finally poked around the forums and found my posts/username. She now knows all that I have posted here including the tactics i was forced to take to find out the truth. I think it is ok that she knows all of this, in fact probably a good thing. To me truth and honest is my #1 EN and i think this is part of that openness.

With that said, i have used this forum as a place to give my thoughts and feelings and ask for advice - almost my journal of sorts. I am not sure if it is a good idea or not for me to continue to post her for her to read. She knows how i feel about her and she knows i want to save the marriage. I will gladly open my journal to her when she is ready to do the same.

I am not sure if i will post moving forward or not, but if not I just wanted to say thank you to all that have supported me through all of this. Feel free to PM me. I am sure i will get through this.

Wonder why she would want to see what you're typing on these forums? It doesn't make sense to me. Why do you think she would care what you're writing here?

How do you know that she's been poking around here?

I know because she told me in an email today (first contact in maybe 5 days). In the email she told me because she figured i was tracking all she was doing so i would find out anyways.

I think she cares about me. I think she worries about me. I do not know if she wants to fight for our M or not. But i know that if she decided to leave for good - she wants me to be happy and to be ok without her. I think she has a lot of guilt on her mind.

I'm not an expert but it sounds like maybe she's checking to see if you are still interested in her by checking out your posts.

Maybe it gives her some comfort to know that you are still waiting in the wings while she has her A. Kind of like a safety net for her. This is purely speculation but maybe if she was truly in the dark for a while, not knowing whether you still have feelings for her or not, maybe she would truly start to miss you and increase your odds. Not sure though.

I think that going dark would have to include not posting here so that she couldn't check up on you.

Does anyone with more experience know what 88 should do? Is he allowed to start another username so that he can still post without his WW finding out?