Me me me, my my my, me me me, my my my...

That's all I read there, Chai. Your supposed to bend until you break, right? WRONG. He knows perfectly well that Plan B means Plan B until conditions are met; just like NC means NC--no halfway. You are merely following thru with what you said you would do in Plan B. HE wants some cake and is prolly still surprised with your strength. Don't stoop to his level; make him RAISE up to your level...

I also see your daughter using daddy's tactics. It's a shame really...me me me, my my my...

Believer,

Thanks for telling me that. I'm praying that the baby is healthy with not too many issues.

I must be in a nightmare....

"I wanted very much to call, but I was afraid the phone would have been answered by OP. Try and imagine how that would have felt to me."

OK, you guys gave me the needed whack upside the head. You are absolutely right - like father, like daughter. They know how to make me feel guilty. D@mn, I hate when that happens.

I think the court date and the fact that it is now 5 days away is causing me to get a little antsy. I think that I just need it to be over. Maybe then I can finally let it go. There is still that little shred of doubt that creeps in on me every now and then. SD, is that quote something that I said? I was going to go back and look, but rereading those things could be a trigger.

OK, I also need another 2x4. I sent an email to my cousin's friend. The one in the Peace Corp. It was really nothing more than introducing myself and offering to correspond. Is that OK to do? Just to offer friendship? I'm not looking to date or anything like that. Besides, he is on the other side of the world for another year anyway so dating wouldn't exactly be an option.

I am on the D train now, and the station is in sight. Not sure how long it will take after Monday, but it's coming full speed ahead.

It was my thought of what to say when you said this


but I'm with SL.

Think sludge when you think of him....he's as good for you as sludge is pleasant. The things he is dealing with now are logical consequences of his actions. If he'd been a contributing member of the marriage, this wouldn't have happened. He checked out of the marriage so now he has to deal with the ramifications of it. Daughter chooses to use drugs; so, she has to deal with the consequences.

You don't do drugs. You have good home. You benefit.

You don't cheat on your marriage partner. You don't pack up and move and hang out with an op; so, you don't have to deal with the things the law says are appropriate consequences.

You dance - you pay the piper.

Walk a good walk. Just keep making the next right decision.

Chai, if DD REALLY wanted help, she would get it. There are TONS of places out there that would help her in a minute. She wants a shortcut and never have to face what she's become. In a place like that, she WOULD have to face things.

To her, it's easier if mom would just let her shack up at her place... no fuss... no muss. She could continue on the way she is. You are FORCING her to make decisions, and that's a good thing.

I don't know if you know the story about my DD and the father of her babies. Long story short, he was abusing her, she finally ran and started making good choices. He's sitting in jail now in another state and will transferred here to Texas for prosecution for what he did to her when he's done there.

My DD called in tears the other day because she was worried about Christmas and my GD's birthday on the 21st. She had like $45 to her name until next payday (after Christmas).

As a result of her getting out of that situation she has been going to counseling. Tuesday night the counseling center (for victims of domestic violence) surprised her and loaded her car with tons of already wrapped gifts for her kids for Christmas. They even ordered her a brand-new car seat for my 4-yr. old GD. She didn't have one before.

Now, because she is making GOOD choices, she is getting the help she NEEDS.

Your daughter could do the same if she CHOSE to change her life. Her decisions are not your responsibility or your fault.

Let go of that guilt. It's not yours to keep.

(((Chai)))

Chai,

You have gotten some really great advice and MissMeggy's post really hits the nail on the head about DD.

So, 5 days til court? What are you doing to prepare? I see you have a hairstyle plan,,,,,,FABULOUS! Once you have the Goddess Wear planned out make sure to get that manicure/pedicure scheduled the day before.

Then, what are the Comfort, Care for Chai activities you will be doing between now and then to stay grounded and busy? Make a plan.

You are going to come out of this in a much, much better place!!

Cinder, PM, Bugs,

Thanks for the support. An PM, thanks for the encouragement regarding DD. I know that you are absolutely right about her. She needs a place to live and I am the logical landing place. I know that once she walks through the door, it will be an ongoing arrangement. I know that I could never kick her and a baby out. I just don't know how I'm going to refuse to let her come there in the first place. If she has no place to go with a newborn, I know that I'm going to have a hard time saying no. I'm just not sure how to do it....

Cinder, thanks for reminding me that he is sludge. Yes I do believe that the consequences of all of this are now hitting him like a ton of bricks. I'm sure he will be spewing venom all over the place on Monday.

Bugs, I sure hope you are right and that I come out in a better place. Not sure where that will be, but I'm keeping that in the back of my mind....

Hi Chai,

I don't have any wisdom, people are saying exactly what's on my heart. But I wanted to say hi and let you know I'm here.

Bored at work because it's a snow day and wishing I could leave.

Ooops NO SNOW THOUGH...........

Hi Queenie. Thanks for stopping by.

I actually had a nice surprise tonight. I took the invitations down to DD to address, and when I got there decided to check out that house. She told me they cleaned it up. Well, it looked much better than I thought. She then showed me all of the things she had for the baby. Lots of little outfits she either bought or someone had given her. She had the used clothing washed and put in plastic bags, and she had an outfit picked out to bring him home in. Maybe there is hope here. At least she isn't selling stuff like everyone thinks she is. I still don't know what will happen after the birth. It may go to h3ll in a handbasket, but at this point I see a ray of hope. I guess the old guy says she can stay there. It isn't ideal, but I'm hoping that she will get her act together and want better for the baby.

There was a house next to her which was vacant and for rent. She said she asked her dad to move into it with her and he told her that I would just think that I could drop by anytime I wanted. Besides he said, he wasn't going to stay in town; he was going to move out of state. My attitude was "who gives a flying f#$%? Let him move.

At this point, he has absolutely no other family except his brother who doesn't speak to him as far as I know. The only other family (cousins) have sided with me and don't talk to him either. In fact, they invited me to their home for Xmas.

And as far as me "dropping in," I was in one of my moods and told DD that after Monday he need not ever see me again. Amazing how he continues to be so hostile to me. What a schmuck.
I'm realizing that he will never get it. Trying to R with him would be nearly impossible. He just isn't someone that you can reason with or talk to. Too bad.

So, I feel pretty good tonight. I'm finishing up some painting on my 1st floor, so that floor will be done. Then I'll clean the condo this weekend because I would like to invite some friends over for the holidays. I bought a new cookbook and I'm going to try some new recipes.

So, did you decide to go for the LSA or the D? I forgot.

Maybe your daughter will turn her life around. That is worth praying for.

The comeback, though late, about how it would have been hurtful to you for ow to answer the phone was great!

I filed the LSA and he came back with D. Remember, he claimed gross neglect, cruelty, the M is irreconcilable etc.

Cinder, I hope she can turn it around. I pray all of the time for that.


For some reason, I'm not getting this. SD sent one over my head.

your dd said wh was hurt/surprised that you didn't call when he was sick. You were blamed for having failed to make contact at that time so he was hurt.

But, you could turn that around and say that you didn't not call him because, if you had done so, ow might have answered the phone. Therefore, you chose not to call. Not calling kept you safe - - kept you from being hurt by possibly having had to talk to ow. Calling him meant you took the risk of talking to her and you simply did not call in order to protect yourself.

LOL Cinder. Thanks for explaining that to this block head. For some reason, I kept thinking that it was supposed to be a joke and I wasn't getting it. My mind just hasn't been where it should be this week. I'm beginning to worry about myself.

Don't worry about not getting it. You have a lot on your brain these days. It will be ok.

This is only one season of your life. If you were to draw a line as long as a lifetime and were to mark out the period you have been going through, you would see that this is a short time....though it seems like forever while you are in it. It is only a season. There will be a new one.

Well, in little more than 24 hours I will be face-to-face with WH. I wish there was some way that I could go and not see him, but I don't think that's possible. Not sure how things will go or what I will say, but I will let my atty talk whenever possible.

If anyone has advice, I would sure appreciate it. I never thought that I would be facing my H in court.

After 35 years of M, I feel like my entire life was a waste. Just two years ago I thought that we were set up for an early retirement. Wow, how things change. The house is gone, our savings is gone, our family is gone, our M is gone, and there is nothing left but debt it seems. I must fight to keep what little is left of my 401K, and fight to keep him from sticking me with debt that he used to support OP. I just hope the judge agrees.

I just want to feel indifferent towards him tomorrow. I hope the sight of him disgusts me.

Keep your eyes on your attorney...and anyone else that might be there to support you.

If possible, always stay "downwind," on the side of your attorney that blocks the sight line of WS. That way it makes it hard to look at you as well, which he doesn't deserve.

You know that, right? He doesn't deserve to cast his eyes upon Goddess Chai!

If you end up on the stand and WS is in front of you at his counsel's table and you have to look in that direction; keep your eyes "glazed" and let it pass over him without really looking at him. Look through him, as if he isn't even there. Keep your eyes on your attorney as much as possible.

Look at opposing counsel when you are questioned so the judge doesn't see this as being rude. I looked at oc at that time for that reason. (Okay, and there was a HUGE danger that Shiny was going to cause me to burst out laughing so I couldn't look at him over there too much. LOL!)

Lift your chest with your abdominal muscles--this give you a good posture whether you're walking, sitting, standing, or whatever...(learned that one in belly dancing). No danger of slouching when you do that. Head high.

Charlotte

Hold yourself high and be glad that you fought as hard as you could.

Chai, hold your head high and your back straight. You have done all that you could. And you do have a daughter and I hope that she handles her life better when she is responsible of someone else. It seems like that to me.