Mornin' Guys!<P>Well, I haven't been here a whole lot for the last few weeks, lurking and posting just a little (what a break, huh, NB??? )<P>Things have been moving quickly around here. I have found out from my infamous MIL that H has been doing a lot of thinking. Has been, actually, almost since he left, it seems. He's been calling regularly, coming by to "help" around here each weekend, but never once giving me a single sign (except by treating me well) of the things he's been saying to everyone else. ('Course I KNEW, thanks to that wonderful lady!!) He did say earlier this week in one phone call that he couldn't stand PT. (what is this? Intimate conversation???) In another, a sweet "I really miss you guys." (And yes, I cried!) But that's about it. Now, you "oldies" know me - a Plan A diehard!!! (ok, we'll forget my 2 letter lb weekend!!) I NEVER ask questions, never talk about us, just try to have fun with him. That's been getting easier and easier.<P>He was supposed to come yesterday to fix the dryer and do some other things. Called me on the way here. "Wanna take a ride?" (I almost fainted!) "Sure, where?" "Don't know, just to get out for a while." So we jumped in the car with no real destination in mind and wound up heading for my brother's house, about 3 hours away. He brought up a few more "personal" things on the way and we talked about them, until he would change the subject. You know me, I just "go with the flow"! Went to b's house and surprised the heck outta my SIL. Then out to their new farm to surprise B. Froze to death on the farm for a couple of hours while we all talked and looked at the remodeling. Then headed back to B's house, following him. Talked some more. Then, out of the blue "If you'll have me, I'd like to come home soon." Well, my dear friends, I wasn't sure whether to scream, cry or run naked through the street. Driving at 65 sorta ruled out the naked thing! So I remained calm (always the patient one, right, Lucks?? ) We talked just a little (no I DON'T need to tell you my answer, right?) and then were at B's.<P>Stayed a few hours, had a great time, made plans to come back for the weekend to help w/ the farm in 3 weeks (yes, he invited me and D to come w/ him) and headed home late. Stopped on the way home and he took me out to dinner. Took an "alternate" route home. (Uh, that means we were talking, not paying attention and missed our exit and didn't really care so decided to see if there was another way!!! ) The drive home was an extra couple of hours - who cares!!!! He even brought some house plans for me to look at to start on our new life together.<P>We talked and talked. About just about everything. I'm not particularly curious, so it was mostly about "this time around", not details of what went on with them. Heck, they LIVED together, doesn't take a rocket scientist, right?? Besides, that's not my priority!! Not sure of the timing. He had wanted to delay it a while, got some issues to work out w/ PT (yup, he's talked to her about it - just a little though, he wasn't sure what I was gonna say - DUH!!). But, after yesterday, he's in a little more of a hurry - I think I'm the one moving a little slower. NOT that I would shut the door, I just think HE and our daughter need a little time. I've waited too long and been too patient to try to rush things now (and YES, it's killing me!! But not as bad as I thought!!)<P>Anyway, nice conversation, great time, and tons of compliments. All in all, a VERY eventful day!!! A wonderful day! He loves me. Always has. Just had to realize it and work through his issues. We'll work out the details and he'll be back soon. There's lots of work to be done, but BOTH of us have learned some important lessons. We're gonna be just fine.<P>OK, you newbies! This is the SAME man who, 6 months ago wished I were dead, wanted nothing except a divorce and I didn't even know WHERE he was for weeks on end!!! Thanks to my friends here, I learned my lessons, Plan A'd my little butt off and put NO pressure on him at all. And guys, my h is gonna come home!!!!!!!!! If you really want this, get it right and don't give up. It CAN happen!!!!<P>Thanks to everyone. I'll be around. Lurking and posting just a bit. (Over 1700 posts, it's like I sorta HAVE to, huh? )<P>Just thought you guys might want to know!!! <P>Love to all,<P>Lori<BR><p>[This message has been edited by lostva (edited January 30, 2000).]

Lori,<P>YAAAAHHHHHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P><B>I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!</B><BR> [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]... and on and on and on...<P>Your work paid off... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>...do catch your breath... little bumps on the ride may come (after this post they may look like mountains)...<P>You've made my day... with this wonderful news!!!!<P>I'll still be praying for you... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>Jim

Thanks, Jim. I'm really excited. I know the road is long, but, heck, it cant be much worse!!!<P>Keep the prayers. They work!!<P>Lori

Sounds wonderful!!! As a newer person here, I've read some of your 1700 posts, and found several words of wisdom that have helped me. I'm so glad to see this post from you!<BR>Kathi

Lori,<P> [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>Knew this was comming, you have to know you are a saint of a woman. PT never realy had a chance...<P>Extra prayers for you....<P>Bill<P><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Kam - thank you. Words of wisdom...I don't know!! Lots of words - ask NB, but I'm not so sure about the "wisdom" part!!! <BR>Still lots to be done, but a wonderful start anyway. The talking was GREAT! We've both learned so much, and that's gonna help a lot.<P>Hey Bill - That's ALMOST as many smiles as I have today!!! "Saint"??? I don't THINK so!! Persistant, maybe. Determined, well, yeah. You doing ok? Still working on your letter? Thinking of you, too.<P>Lori

Lostva,<P>I am so happy for you! I am relatively new here and I have been following your more recent posts. I am glad to see that things are looking up for you! You have given me a new courage! I am going to get out that "Surviving an Affair" book and start reading and follow Plan A to a T!!! My husband just moved out. BUT, he did not move in with the ow! He moved in with his brother and his wife. His brother and his wife care very much about the both of us and are going to make sure my husband gets some much needed help for the depression he is going through. You can find my posts and read a little about what has been going on in our lives. He left us Tuesday night. Then he came back Wednesday night and was incredibly mean to me and basically was forcing me to file for a divorce. I saw him 5 minutes on Thursday and Friday he was back home. Fortunately, his mom and brother were coming to visit. My h and I talked a lot on Friday. I gave him no hope of reconciling in the beginning. He felt like he didn't have a chance to stay together after the way he has treated me. The thing is, I know this is not my husband. This is the depression that has taken over my h. This is why he is doing these things to me. I still love this man more than anything. The conversation finally turned to my h asking me, "What would it take for us to stay together." I told him he needs counseling, antidepressants, he needs to quit his job and get away from the ow, and move far away! Well, his brother and mom showed up while we were talking. He had been crying all through the conversation, but at that point he started sobbing. He didn't want his family to see him that way. I told him they were here because they love him and they want to help him. He had told me Wednesday night that he didn't want his brother calling him and telling him to get his priorities straight, he didn't want his mom calling him and telling him she is worried about him and he didn't want me telling him what to do. He said he just wanted to be left alone. Well, I was shocked when he came home Friday. Of course he was out of money and had no place to stay. The ow is living with her sister right now. I had already gotten stuff rolling with a divorce. No papers have been filed, just was in the process of getting a lawyer. Well, my h's brother took him out to supper to talk. I think that helped quite a bit. When they got back, it was like we were all afraid to say anything. But then, I said that we needed to do some things to make this work. I said he needed to quit that job and move away. His brother's wife had already told me that my two boys and I could move in with them if we wanted to. Well, I have to stay where I am for now. I don't want to pull the boys out of school and I don't want to quit my job. Not yet anyway. So, I said that maybe he could move in with his brother. That is 3 hours away. Then he needs to get counseling and on medication. His mother is already seeing a counselor and she talked to her yesterday about my h's situation. So, they are going to try and get him in to see a counselor. My h was a little reluctant at first but then he went with it. This is a huge step for him. I am scared to death! I know we have a long hard road ahead of us. But, this is so much better than just filing for divorce. His mother told me that if we had gone through with the divorce he would have become a falling down drunk. He says he doesn't want a relationship with this ow. He just can't stay away from her though. So, this is really scary for me still. He said he is going to go apply for jobs everywhere on Monday. He said he would just work all the time. We are going to stay in touch through e-mail and Pow Wow, the chat program. We also have games we play online. So, we are going to play those online together. Thank God we each have our own computers! He is networking his computer together with his brothers. So, we will stay in touch that way. I am going to take it really slow in the beginning. I am just going to let him contact me. We are planning on trying to get together on the weekends. It will be tough for me and the boys. I suddenly feel very isolated! They all live out of state. Yes, it is only three hours away but it is such a distant feeling. I think this will be good for us. I am still afraid to get my hopes up though! But, your story is an absolute inspiration to me. I feel like I have a good advantage as my husband didn't move in with the ow. I see that your h did move in with the ow. And look at you guys now! You know the saying... slow and steady wins the race... well, I think that applies in this situation. I see you are taking it slow too. So, yes, I will start reading and get my act together. My brother-in-law is going to have to help me remember to keep my mouth shut about the ow. It was just so hard to before due to the fact that he kept seeing her. I felt like I had to say something. I guess the main thing here is that even if our marriage isn't saved, at least my h is getting the help he needs! I do hope our marriage will survive! We need counseling also. My h has lots of issues he needs to deal with from his childhood. But, we have issues too. I told him we have a lot of learning to do! I am hoping we will be able to sell our house by the beginning of the summer and that we will be able to move back to where my h is now! AND BE A FAMILY AGAIN! It will be nice as we will be closer to all our families! I think we needed that kind of support all along and just didn't know it! <P>Well, I am really happy for you and I couldn't help but share my story with you! I will pray for your family while I am praying for mine! Take care and best of luck to you!!!!<P>~Woozy

YES! Just a little sad to not be getting any more recicpe ideas though. Lora

Woozy - I haven't been posting much, but I have been lurking and reading some of your posts.<P>You're looking at some VERY positive things. Baby steps. Lots and lots of baby steps! Keep that attitude and keep learning and you'll do fine.<P>I really would like to recommend another book, and I RARELY do this on the forum. I've gotten and read Harley's books, and just ordered a few others that were recommended. But my B and SIL gave me one that I absolutely LOVE and has helped me focus more than any other book I have read. Maybe it's sorta 'cause it "fits" my basic personality anyway, but I'm on the third reading and STILL learning and finding out more about myself and how to treat H.<P>Dr. Phil McGraw Life Strategies: Doing what Matters, Doing what Works. <P>I LOVE it. If you can, check out a copy and work with it. It's interactive and requires a journal to help you along, but I think it's great!!! <P>The best thing I've learned through all this? Not from any book, or maybe from all of them, and my friends here and whatever else this mess has brought my way.<P>I concentrated on me - as a person, finding out all that I could be, becoming better on my own. Him, as a person. Not as my husband - face it, with little or no contact at first, and him living w/ PT, I didn't HAVE a marriage to work on. That was his first comment to his family. I really LIKE the person that Lori is. And lo and behold, he started changing too. But, ya know, even if he hadn't, I would have been ok, even better than before.<P>But thanks so much for all your kind thoughts. I am happy and a wee bit excited!! (OK, BIG understatement there!! ) Just hang in there, OK?<P>Lora - Thank you. I know, it IS a shame about the culinary delights that we all are gonna have to do without! Oh, well, we'll just have to muddle through, I guess. I have to say this. Yesterday, while talking, he started talking about trying to eat better (ok, I did good through the first part!). And then said something like "trying to not eat so many PopTarts and stuff". I lost it!! Absolutely, positively LOST IT! Started w/ a gasp, turned into a giggle, full blown guffaws, followed by snorting and tears!!!! He just looked at me like I had taken complete leave of my senses and then got tickled 'cause I was so out of control. We wound up laughing like crazy and he never did ask what was so funny! I'm glad, 'cause I couldn't tell him now!!!<P>Lori

Happy for you, sweetie... <P>Very!!

Lori,<P>I'm doing the happy happy joy joy dance with a big smile plastered on my face for you !<P>This is beyond wonderful.<P>Please keep us updated !<P>Thank You Lord for the wonderful things you have done in this marriage !<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

lol, yes Oh Patient One....<P>You're winning the race, and at just the right speed for you!<P>So...after he moves back in, what about you both planning a romantic recommitment weekend? <P>I AM dubbing you the MB Plan A Poster Child.<P>{{{{{{{{{{ happy mega-hugs }}}}}}}}}}}}

*<p>[This message has been edited by Being a better Arik (edited February 21, 2000).]

Lori,<P>WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P> <P>If anyone ehre deserves a break, it is <B>YOU</B> girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>I am extra, extra happy for you!<P>More prayers coming your way!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

lostva -- Sounds very very encouraging. I'm very happy for you.<P>God Bless

Sheryl - thanks so much. And for your ear when I needed it...and all the support, and all the future support!!!! I'm thinking of you too - read your latest e-mail and thread. Love you. Hang on!<P>Deb - Yippeee!!! I'm dancing w/ you!!! Thank you for everything -remember you were the FIRST response to my first post!! I prayed pretty close to the same prayer last night!<P>Hey Lucks!! Slow and not-so-sure wins the race???? Thanks for ALL those nights of listening. Not done yet, ya know? That's actually one of the things he said, not to ME but to my b and SIL. That we should take off once a month, just the two of us and GO somewhere alone. Sounds good to me!!! Keep your fingers crossed!<P>Arik - good to hear from you. And NOT to have to lecture you to boot!! LOL<P>I'm feeling some peace. Things are gonna work out just fine. We've both learned so much. Like he said, we have a lifetime to make all this up to each other. I agree wholeheartedly! I'll be around. Always have been really. So, don't worry, you got "momma" when you need a good swift kick!!!! (Hey, Is THAT why you've been hiding out?? )<P>Desiree - we ALL deserve a break, girl!! I'm just lucky enough to perhaps be getting one! Thanks for the good wishes. I've been keeping up with you, just a bit preoccupied and not feeling very wise and witty! I'll be here if you need me.<P>ES - Thank you so very much. I am excited. And inside, I do feel that the time has come. I wasn't ready b/f. I am now. Been thinking a lot about you and Hopeful. You guys ok? I answered the last threads I saw, but I don't always have time to check EVERY part of this new forum. <P>Thanks, everyone! <P>Lori

I'm so happy for you. Just don't serve the man any poptarts <P><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)

Lori,<P> <BR> <BR> <BR> <P>doing the happy naked dance....well, the kids are here, so I'm not naked...but in my mind I am...LOL<P>I say reclaim the friggin' poptarts...serve them up....naked.... except for a big red bow!!!!!!!<P>How could you ever doubt that he would come home????? to you, especially... the beautiful, PATIENT, wonderful, ever-loving, gracious, forgiving, mother-of-his-child, you that you are...(ok, so I see how you could doubt, but hey!! tryin' to be positive here, girl...)<P>Lori, all the best wishes to you and H, from us over here.....continue as you are...it is obviously working....<P>luv 'ya!!!!<P>dylan<P>

Praise God! Praise God! Praise God!<P>I am sooooooooooo happy for you. Take things one day at time just as you have been. Gosh, I'm just so happy for you. <P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Waaaaaaahhhoooooooooo!<P>This is so great!!! It's what we have all been praying for. My H was sitting on his side of the office thinking I was a nutcase for doing the happy dance for you! <P>Keeping you in my prayers and saying a big thank you that He finally said yes to somebody!!<P>Jodi