Get it or let me get it for you. It will save you lots of grief, and works very quickly.

It is hard at first, because you have to verify where they are, set consequences, stick with them, but once they get the idea, they get in line.

Our 15 year old daughter was skipping school, being very disrespectful to her dad, sneaking out at night, taking the car, and just was completely out of control. It even worked with her.

Good point!

When I made her apologize for the nasty email she sent me and the nast way she talked to me she wrote a sincere apology. Then did it again a few days later. Then she wrote another not so sincere apology expecting to get her way again. But she didn't.

So I see what your saying Meggy.

None of the local book stores have it. So if you want to send it to me I'll email you my address.

Good. You need this.

Is it the the hotmail address on your profile?

Yep. (And for those reading here, although Amazin is a little cutie, I'm old enough to be his mama).

If my mother was still alive she'd be 86.... You don't look that old to me B...



My oldest brother is ... 65 this year... when we would go out together he would tell everyone.... this is my little brother... and they'd say... Right... Whatever.... that's your son... LOL

You've got Mail....

(what is this book you all are talking about???? I have a 14DD as well....I need to be in the loop as well......)

not2fun

we're not telling...


Na na na boo boo Stick your head in poo poo....

Amazin - It is on the way. Should be there tomorrow.

Not2 - Maybe Amazin can send it to you when he is done.

(((((Amazin)))))

hey just wanted to pop in a say "HAPPY HOLIDAYS".....

I'm still keeping up with you (have you gotten that massage yet??????), but as I too have a DD14 I don't have much to add. She's a pretty good kid, compared to a lot of others, but don't worry, my DD11 will give me my greatest grief......so if nothing else this is good learning for me.....

anyway, I was thinking of you and it dawned on me that you are coming up on your Dday anniversary. Probably is helping your mood either....keep that in mind.

Anyway, hang in there and enjoy the holidays. If nothing else, you can reflect on the the past year and all the changes YOU have made.....I am proud....



not2fun

Thanks Not2Fun....

That was very sweet of you....


I got the message....

Dang it!!!!



That say's Massage again doesn't it....



No.... I got the message not the massage....

quite the little brat aren't we???? Now we know WHY your DD gives you so much trouble..... :RollieEyes:


But hey, it TOTALLY looks like a book I could use for DD11......

My mom used to tell everybody that when my sis and I would become teenagers, she was going to lock us in the basement. Well, then came the time for my brother to be a teenager (he is 16yrs younger than me, 12 yrs younger than my sis....), so then she decided that she would just lock herself in the basement........


not2fun

Hi, Amazin!

I don't post much, but I read all the time. I have been reading your post with much interest. Strong-willed people run in my family.

In a way, you need to look at these issues with your daughter a bit like saving a marriage: it's a marathon, not a sprint. You have got to set boundaries, and become a drill-sargeant when it comes to enforcing them. That means, don't allow her to cross that line even if it takes months of keeping that demeanor. It means seeing through the manupulative "good" behavior and achieving real change.

My oldest decided during his last semester of eighth grade, he would just not do anything, or at least the bare minimum to graduate. He's extremely intelligent, but got extremely lazy and disrespectful there for a time. I knew what was going on, so I warned him in advance of the consequences. I guess he didn't believe me, because he still made the bad grades. So, he ended up not being allowed to walk during graduation. He was grounded the entire summer - I took away his Wii, games, computer, cell phone, movies, tv, etc. - and he was not allowed to got out at all. All he could do was read! He also tried to negotiate, whine, manipulate, complain, etc. to get an early out. I kept it up until I saw his grades for Freshmen year, they were A's and B's. It was long and tough (because basically, when your kid is grounded that way, so is everyone else in the family) but it was worth it. If I had backed down an inch, I'm sure he never would have achieved those results.

My kids also know that certain behaviors will bring certain consequences. Disruptive behavior at school means Mom will go to school with them for a day, stay right at their side and embarrass the he77 out of them (would anything be more traumatizing for a teen?). Coming home drunk means Mom will shave your head whil you're sleeping (goes for the girl, too), plus getting them up at 5 AM with a hangover and starting an entire day of hard labor with yard work, and no food or water - for a while. Outright disrespect - well, haven't had much of that, they want to live until adulthood! Point is, I can be one evil, mean Biatch of a Mom, and they know it! It's a line they don't want to cross.

You, however, have a history of caving. In a way, it's a lot like dealing with a wayward and you're still the BS settling for crumbs. My ex-BIL used to do this with his parents. He was 12 when I first met my now ex-husband, and a cute kid. I watched him spiral down - became a drug addict, alcoholic, fathered a kid out of wedlock (when he was age 15, kid was adopted out), high school dropout, and spent 2 bouts in rehab. He was a master of manipulation and he knew how to play his parents. He would do something wrong, Mom would ground him, then about three days later he would whine, pester, and bother his Dad until he caved and took him where he wanted just to get rid of him for a while. Or he would do something good, like mow the lawn or bring his grades up temporarily to get what he wanted, and once he got it, the bad behavior resumed. Today, he is about 30 years old, he's still a drug addict and alcoholic, his wife just divorced him, he has a restraining order against him and can only have supervised visitation of his three kids, cannot keep a job, and is probably facing jail time for assault against his ex-wife and not paying child support. AND HIS PARENTS ARE STILL ENABLING HIM!!! But what is really sad is seeing this once bright kid turn into a complete loser with the brain activity of a snail.

Get control now. It's time to rule with an Iron Fist.

Raquel73
Age 35
Married 3/12/94
ExH moved out 2/1/06
Dday 6/4/06
Divorced 8/10/07
Son 14
Son 11
Daughter 8

"I am so Smart! S-M-R-T.......I mean, S-M-A-R-T!"

"My kids also know that certain behaviors will bring certain consequences. Disruptive behavior at school means Mom will go to school with them for a day, stay right at their side and embarrass the he77 out of them (would anything be more traumatizing for a teen?)"

YES, Raquel. When my youngest was 17, he started skipping some classes and hanging out with bums. I took my vacation from work, showed up at school and got permission from his teachers to sit with him in each class. Actually, I DID give him a break because after the first day, he begged me to stop and SWORE he would never miss a class again.

He is in college now and STILL never misses a class.

That's awesome, B. I love that story. Thanks for sharing.

I'm gonna DO that, B, if this ever happens with either of my DDs. Occasionally, they joke about skipping school. The next time that happens, I will pop this little doozy in the conversation.

They know I'll do it, too.

Fox

Wow I leave for a hour or two and youse guys take over....

Great advice Raquel....

So.... I went Christmas un-shopping.... LOL I took back two guitars and a Nintendo DS. I got $550 back.

They don't appreciate the little things they've already got so they're not going to get any big things.... I've spent enough money on designer clothes from the mall ... They're lucky they didn't get coal this year.


One of the girls at work has a 12 Y.O. boy. She's a divorced single parent. She told her son to give her a list of five things that he wanted for christmas. She said if it's rediculus or expensive he's not getting it. And he'll probably only get two or three things on the list.

She said she's trying to teach him that Christmas is not about him. It's about Christ.

I thought it was a good idea.

One of the best Christmases my kids ever had was in Tennessee. My H and I had lived there the 1st year we were married and were blissfully happy (and naive - lol). We got this bright idea a few years later to up and move back to Tennessee, where we were happy before. We sold everything, packed up the kids and moved up there.

Unfortunately, we both had a hard time finding work and didn't realize just how poor the economy was there (no, we didn't do our homework). Anyways, come Christmas we were miserable, homesick and broke. We bought this skimpy little tree and maybe had one gift each for our four children.

Christmas morning, there was a tapping at our living room window. My son opened the curtain, looked out the window and screamed. Lo and behold, there were his grandparents, all the way from Texas. They came bearing gifts. They bought us groceries, paid our rent, and made sure the kids had a wonderful Christmas. (They also talked some sense into our heads to return to Texas where we could make a living. They ended up paying our way home and setting up in an apartment.)

My point: my kids learned the value of receiving when they truly didn't have anything. They still talk about "that Christmas."