I'd rather have a filthy house, a recovered marriage and my whole family together than a clean house and this... lonliness.

Thanks B for your encouragment...

Being alone still sucks...

Me too, Amazin. My family was split apart by the affair. I haven't seen ANY of the step-kids that I raised for 16 years. Usually they stop by, but so far, NOTHING.

I'm with you guys. Today was hard for me too. I have very little family, so ended up going to a friend's house for dinner. She's D'd, but her daughters, sisters and their H's, and grandkids were there. It made me miss my family so much. WH and DD were all I had. WH is gone, and DD is gone to the world of addictions.

Thanks CL.

I'm sorry that all you hold dear to your heart has been torn from your life.

My sister called me today. She's a good Christian woman. She prayed with me. God has a plan for those of us who are suffering.

I felt much better after talking with my sister. I know I'm doing the right thing with reguards to my daughter and my WW. I still have a chance to make a big difference in my daughters life. And I'm praying for a miracle for my marriage.

My sister told me an inspiring story about one of her friends. She was an alchololic who was delivered from the addiction. But her husband has left her twice. He called Christmas eve and said he wanted to work on the marriage. Miracles happen.

Amazin.

Hey Amazin,

Yes, miracles do happen. I'll be praying for you too.

How's the book?

Fox

It's an easy read. I'm on chapter 4.

My WW was the reader. She could read a book in a couple of days. I'm not so fast... I take a little longer.

I'm not really in the reading mood right now...

I'm still loney. The kids are still with their mom. I've pretty much been alone since the 24th. The quiet is nice... Just not at Christmas. But on the other hand I probably would have still cried my eyes out yesterday even if they were here. So it's probably a good thing they were with their mom. No reason to ruin their Christmas with my boo hooing.

I'm pretty sure my daughter went to WW's yesterday. She may have even spent the night last night.

They came home to drop off their presents yesterday. They caught me crying. DD-15 asked what was wrong and I told her. She went to the tree and brought me the present she got for me to try and cheer me up. I told her that was nice of her but I'll wait until we all open our presents together. Then DD-15 gave me a big hug and held me. That just made me cry harder. The turd... There is a loving child in there and she pokes her head out once in a while.

I think I'm ready for plan D.

My ex-wife taking the kids to WW's house, spending Christmas with her and OM... Then all of them lying about it and covering it up... More deception and lies.

I've had enough. I'm disgusted with all of them.

Any advice? I could use some here...

I'm about ready to give up on Plan B and go to plan D.

Tomorrow is one year since D-Day. Nothing seems to have changed. If anything she seems to be worse.

Wow, what is up with your ex-wife? I can't figure out why SHE would be so involved in this.

There is no hurry to divorce. I would wait this out and see what happens next. You are a good man and will do just fine if and when you are single again. But I would hold on a bit longer for your family, unless it hurts you badly financially.

Amazin,

Someone on here has a footnote that says something about the A not killing the M, but the lies killing it. This is exactly what happened in my case. Rather than my WH giving me the ILYBINILWY speech and moving out, he continued to fake recovery and keep seeing her. For 9 months I discovered lie after lie after lie. Of course, one lie too many broke the camel's back. I found out about so many lies that it ruined my trust in anyone for life.

So yes, I know where you are right now. You feel like you can't believe anyone. With my DD's addiction, she lies as a matter of getting through the day. So with both of them spewing lies, I had to get away from them both.

I guess that is why I love and protect my condo like a fortress. I feel like it's the only place I can go where I have peace and truth. When I walk through the door at night, I turn off my phone. It's the only place life is real.



We will get through this....

Well... I've talked to a girl at church about this. She seems to think that she is just as much of an enemy to me as ever. My EX would like nothing more than to see my marriage fail and get $crewed over in a divorce.

The other thing that's going on is everytime I do something that the kids don't like they call mom... and mom calls me... It's a sick triangle and I'm not playing anymomre.... When they're living in her house she can make the rules and enforce them... I'm the one living in this house not her.

I messed up when it came to discipline and my kids. Intermittent Re-enforcement... It's a fancy phrase that means you're inconsistant with discipline... you don't follow through.

Here's an Article.

Discipline for the Strong Willed Child.

Now I'm following through and it's making my kids miserable. They have never realy had to deal with the negative consequenses of their negative actions and now they don't like it. Sorry... That's real life. It's a boundary thing... My ex thinks I'm just being mean... or that I'm miserable because of the separation and I'm just making the kids miserable. My Ex invited herself to spend Christmas with me and I un-invited her... (She's an over the road truck driver) so she retaliated by taking them to WW's for Christmas and spending it with her and OM.


I'll try Believer... but I'm almost to the point that I don't believe my WW will ever do anything to change. It will take a miracle of God to get her to change. He'll have to do something to put her on her knees and ask for mercy...In her twisted mind she thinks she is justified.... that she's done nothing wrong. And based on her serial cheater past and the fact that she's an alchololic... I think she'll just bounce from one destructive behavior to another for the rest of her life.


I know... Eventually I'll be fine and I'll be recovered.... Right now I'm just trying to fix the mess I made with my kids.

Yep.... that's about where I'm at...

The affair hurts... but the lying and decieving, is just as destructive.

My DD-15 tells me that I have trust issues all the time... I don't think that's the case. I think she says' that for three reasons...
1. to push my buttons.
2. Because she heard it from someone else.
3. Because she has the mind set that she can continually $crew someeone over and then expect them to trust her... I wonder where she got that Idea from... I'm sure I perpetuated it... but she saw how WW was doing it to me and learned it from her.

For those of you who are Believers, Please pray for my 15 year old daughter.

Yesterday she tried cutting her wrist. (It was superficial and mostly a cry for help) But it was enough for the police to remove her from the house for her own safety. She is in a hospital and getting the best psychological help available. Right now I think that’s where she needs to be.

Oh, so sorry to hear that. What was going on?

Prayers going up for her.

(((((((Amazin)))))))))

I am so VERY sorry for this turn of events.....What happened and what else can we do to help??? (the prayers are going as I write this...).....Please take care of YOU as well. Eat, sleep, workout and PRAY....keep us posted....

not2fun

Amazin,

I hope you don't mind, I put out a new thread calling for prayers for you and your DD. I do believe that you and your DD are under such a dire assault right now. I am just so deeply saddened for you......anyway, I know not everybody always gets a chance to see all the threads, so I wanted to get as many prayers going for you as I could.....

(((((((Amazin)))))))

not2fun

It's kind of a long story ...

Yesterday morning my DD-15 came to my room and asked if she could spend the night at a friend’s. I said "No, you have 3 F's and a D. Until you bring your grades up and start treating me with respect you're not going to spend the night at anyone’s house."

She didn't like hearing no and began to argue with me about it. I just kept my cool and told her I wasn't arguing about it and that she needed to leave my room.

She left, and threw a temper tantrum. She started knocking things over, throwing things. Just tearing the house up. I locked the door to my room and stayed there. I didn’t get upset or even acknowledge that she was doing anything. About 15 minutes later I took DD-17 to work on her senior project. When I came back DD-15 was in the bath tub. I had previously given her some house rules and told her that if she acted out that she would lose a privilege. The only thing she has a right to is food, shelter, clothing and medical attention. Anything above that is a privilege. So when I got home I went up to her room and confiscated her IPOD. Before I could leave the house she had come down stairs in a towel, and commenced to tear the house up some more. She knocked over the Christmas tree, broke a bunch of ornaments. I went outside and called to cops. They show up and one goes in to talk to her and get her to calm down and I stay outside with the other. After a while the other cop comes out and while I’m with both of them DD-15 brings me the phone... It’s my EX wife. I told her I didn’t have anything to say to her. She asked to talk to the cops so I gave them the phone. The cops told my daughter to go in her room and stay away from me. And I was to do the same. After the cops left I went to my room and locked the door. About 45 minutes later the phone rang and it was my Ex wife. DD-15 answered the phone. It rang again about 10 minutes later and again it was my Ex wife. A few minutes later I hear someone come in the house and I assumed it was my Son. Whoever it was said something so I went to see who it was.... It was the cop who was at my house an hour earlier. He said “Where’s your Daughter?” I said “I don’t know ... she’s probably in her room.” As he started up the stairs she came out and her wrist was bleeding. (Not spurting blood ... but a little blood) The cop asked her “what are you doing?” and she got real nasty with him. She said something like “Nothing.... this isn’t anything Don’t F-ing worry about it.”
At that point the cop had seen enough. He told her that he’d seen enough to take her out of the home because she was a danger to herself and others. They brought her down to the dining room. I was just watching... not saying anything. She looked and me... flipped me off and said.. “F-you... you F-ing [censored]. What are you looking at.” Then the cop got in her face and said “That’s your father DON’T talk to him like that. She replied to the cop...F-you I can say anything I want. I have the right to free speech... That’s when the second cop chimed in... How old are you? ... 15... Then you don’t have any rights. You don’t have any rights until you’re 18. Until then your Dad is responsible for you. ...

Anyway... they took her to the hospital. I guess my Ex wife called the cops... Then she called CPS and made an accusation that I was beating my kids. So... while I was at the hospital a social worker came and talked to me. She said that there’s going to be an investigation. I would be contacted on Monday. And that until then I shouldn’t see my daughter.

I understand the Ex’s concern. But she's not in the house... And this is the same woman who gave my son no boundaries and no discipline when he was with her. At 17 ... his 16 year old girlfriend was sleeping in his bedroom. My ex wife thought that was ok. The girl’s mom drove her there and picked her up.... This is the same woman that lived 2 miles from my house when these kids were little and went 18 months without seeing them. This is the same woman who refused to pick them up when she was supposed to and refused to pay child support. When I took her back to court for back child support the first thing they did was arrest her for outstanding warrants. She had written over $10,000 in hot checks to support her drug habit.

I know how to pick’em don’t I....

She’s not helping. She’s making things worse when it comes to boundaries for these kids. Every time I say no to the kids they call and whine to mom... then mom calls me... “You leave those poor kids alone..."

Well... I’m not playing... She can call all she wants to but I don’t have to talk to her.

Like I said it was a long story...

Thanks Not2Fun. I appreciate it...

Prayers going up from Texas.