I don't remember the details of your story. To long to go through but didn't your WW want to move kids and put them in another school.

But you did not want their lives at school and their sports participation disrupted.

I would call your lawyer as she may use this move to just exactly do this a short time down the road from now.

The Road makes a really good point.

I hope to move DS to another STATE, which would mean a definite change in visitation, but the Z has to APPROVE it. If you two already have physical custody and legal custody all ironed out, she cannot enter them into another school without your prior approval.

Thanks, guys

You're probably right on the leaving the question open. It left the door open for the fight I didn't instigate by saying all the stuff I wanted to say.

It's the old response to the trigger thing. If I'd responded right when I found out about the move, I would have hammered her with all that stuff, which would have started a big nasty fight.

If I'd waited a while longer and breathed a little more, maybe I would have left off the last bit. I'm still fighting the urge to try and control the situation. "Why can't she see that it's not good for the children to sit in traffic for over an hour each day? Won't someone tell her?" Sigh. I left open the option to tell her.

It's a good, thought, Road, but I'm nearly positive she won't do this. My kids are at a great school in one of the best school districts in the county, and she knows that. When she has filled out school stuff for the kids, she lists my address as their home address. I've heard my ILs talk about how she values the school they're in. Plus, I would fight tooth and nail to prevent it, and I would almost certainly win, and I think she knows that, too.

Finally, there's nothing in it for POSOM. He (and the SCQ) both commute from Oceanside to work in my area.

You need more sleep.

Readjusting from vacation time, but no argument.

SD,

Well, not unexpected but a b*tch just the same. Can you force her to always be the one driving to pick up and deliver the kids?

That would be one way of interpreting "I will not come there." There really aren't many direct transfers, so it shouldn't come up much.

No reply from her.

Hey, SD Guy - remember I live in Oceanside, just in case you ever need something.

I know you read WildHorses74's thread...

Thanks, B. I hadn't forgotten and will keep you in mind.

I was the inspiration for that skit. I just can't remember if it was for the Swayze character or the Farley character?

Trigger Alert!

The only direct switch of kids that we have is Sunday noon twice a month.

Here's today's email exchange, in response to my email of "I won't be coming there. You understand that, right?"

SCQ: That is fine then the Sunday schedule will need to be changed
SDG: You can pick them up, or we can meet somewhere in the middle.

In case you're wondering, POSOM is not welcome at our house.

SCQ: No the deal we have is who ever has the kids drops them off. If you will not drop them off on those Sundays that I am to have them at noon then we can modify the schedule to eliminate that problem and move to full weekends all the time.

No I wasn't wondering. If POSOM happens to be in the car when I drop stuff off at your house or pick up the kids (which I won't be doing on the Sunday mornings we are discussing) then so be it.

SDG: Do you really want to fight about this?

and, a couple of minutes later

SDG: If you want to have a spiteful relationship with me, then go ahead and rub POSOM in my face.

From my perspective, POSOM (and your decision to "be with" him) is
--the reason we are divorced
--the reason you got fired from your job
--the reason you walked away from our marriage without lifting a finger to save it
--the reason DS9 and DD5 can't be with their father half their lives

and now the reason DS9 and DD5 have to commute 25 miles each way to their school. Over an hour a day in traffic, right? Nice.

I could go on, but I think you get the point. It's all because of him and your affair. This is how I see it.
I already know that it's not how you see it, but you will not change my perspective. Neither of us can change the other's mind (God knows I tried), so we might as well work with what we have. I ask you to respect my point of view and feelings. Keep POSOM away from me, and our relationship need not be hateful.

On the other hand, dating is really fun. Last night I had another first date, and it was very enjoyable. LilSis once called it "intoxicating," how exciting it is to have smart conversation with a new member of the opposite sex. It was easy and relaxed and invigorating and intellectual and just a lot of fun. By the end of it, she asked for a second date, and I agreed.

It's three first dates in about a month, so maybe there's something to this barrel thing.

UGH. Dark is definitely better. I can see that she always has to come out on top.

Oh, good, another date. Just be certain you don't fall madly in love. Keep on going on first dates.

oh, boy, I hate email exchanges like that. Reminds me so much of many that I had with the Z.

Well, you knew that was coming. You knew you couldn't hold it in forever.

Honestly, I just got to the point with the Z that I no longer cared about recovery, so when he ticked me off, I would spew venom. Not pretty, but I was mad as h3ll and I couldn't take it anymore.

Now, we rarely email unless there is a change.

The SCQ cracks me up. She always goes to extremes when you suggest a change; ALWAYS. She always threatens you. What a weakling; trying to hide behind THE AGREEMENT. OOOOOOOO, "it's in the agreement that we such and such, so nah nah nah na boo boo...keep pushing me and I'll bring up this AGREEMENT again, and then go to some idiotic extreme"

...thank god for Bugs Bunny...what a maroon!

Didn't you say the decree said she had to give you notice...? Then, she has some 'splainin' to do.

One option is to take her to court to renegotiate this and ask the court to have her pay your legal fees. Since she's not paying rent, she should be able to do that.

SCQ: No I don't want to fight over this but that doesn't mean that you get your way.

Its not like I'd make him come along just to bug you or to be put in your face. How dare you accuse me of doing that. But if he happens to be in the car, say if I need to pick up the kids after work like when your parents are here or if it is split squad, it could happen. He won't be coming to the door to get them or to drop them off. You rarely come out of the house at those times and probably wouldn't know he was there. Also the number of exchanges that need to be made at a house are few since things usually happen through daycare. So to reduce the cases that cause problems for you we could eliminate the Sunday exchanges. For split squad I typically come to your house so eliminating the Sunday exchange would pretty much eliminate your need to drop them off.

I'm not even going to address the rest of your rant.

SDG: Why does this have to be about one person getting their way? When have I gotten my way in any of this?

And you can call it a rant if you want. Even though I am absolutely convinced I am right, I don't expect you to agree with it, and I don't expect it to change anything about your point of view. Like I said.

I'm explaining my point of view so that you can understand why I'm not coming to that house. And why he's not welcome here.

With only a couple of exceptions, you have done a good job of keeping him away from me. I appreciate it and respect you for it. I'm asking you to continue doing that. It will be better for everyone if you do.

I like the schedule the way it is. If you don't want to pick them up, we can meet in the middle. There's a nice park right off the 5 in Encinitas that would work quite well.

Yeah, I guess we did, didn't we? Before I left work tonight I started writing another letter to her. Things the way I see them. It was cathartic. Maybe I'll post it when it's finished. I don't know whether I'll give it to her or not.

I could push on this, but it would be ugly, and it's easier to just let it go. The decree also says that whoever has the family photos and movies (i.e., me) will provide them to the other within 45 days of the divorce being final so that copies of everything can be made, and I sure as hell didn't do that. She's going to have to ask me if she wants them.

Like I said, easier to let it go. She can't hurt me anymore. Even the email exchange didn't get me particularly worked up. By the time I left work, I felt great, and I was like SuperDad when I got the kids home. The kind of dad I want to be all the time.

Thanks, B. But . . . can't I go on a second date, just to see what that's like? Maybe if I had a disclaimer--"I'm sorry, but Guy Smiley is not allowed to fall in love for at least six months." How about lust? Can I fall into that?

GuySmiley, can I PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE come there and





There, that feels better.

The agreement for the drop off was made prior to you knowing she would be moving them further away, right?

I'm sure you already know my advice: stand strong and force the meeting spot issue. If she can make your kids sit in traffic for an extra hour a day for POSOM, she can sure in the heck take them part of the way for the exchange - which IS better for them.

Dropping them off at that house WILL effect you - and thereby effects your kiddos.

I didn't do the whole picture exchange either. Our decree does not give me a timeline. So.....when Babs is gone, he can have his family photos.

If he asks for them sooner, I may do it. Depending on how he asks.

I understand the need to vent at her. Luckily, WxH stays as far from me as he can get......his ears would probably be burnt off by the time I got done with him.

Fox

What a shrill harpy she is.



Because facts and fantasy don't mix.