Because you've been dealing with this for almost a year - I'd say another 2 weeks of AWESOME plan A

no love busting
being the most desirable wife any man could ask for

and then (without warning of any kind) bust this chit wide open with nuclear exposure
he moves out

he's got to experience what losing you will be like

OK, great suggestions but I have a few more questions if you all don't mind...

1. WH has agreed to things that I have laid out as conditions - polygraph, NC letter, complete transparency, STD testing, additional IC for him (he already goes but rarely). Do I make him do these things while in Plan A? If he does them all do I still do Plan B?

2. Is sex necessary during Plan A. I really would prefer not to, but it doesn't seem like Plan A would be effective without it.

Thanks, guys. I'm getting stronger by the post.

M2RHs,

Why aren't you coaching with the Harleys? Since your husband has agreed to all those conditions, I say set him up for an appointment with Steve Harley, and then one for yourself after.

Steve (or Jenn) can assess the situation and lay out a solid plan to follow.

It's well worth the $$. And I think you're at a pivotal place where the Harley's can tell you what to do next.

Here's the Coaching Center Link: CLICK HERE

Call toll-free 1 (888) 639-1639

Jo

So I asked WH about Harley's counseling and he said he would be happy to look into it as a counseling option or maybe the weekend thing, but shortly after that the conversation deteriorated quickly and then a kid got sick so that's all the further we got.

UPDATE: I called WH ex-wife (mother of first child) this morning and asked why their marriage ended. Yes, it was mostly because he was out partying all the time, leaving her with a little baby, as he told me. But ..... drumroll please ...... she's pretty sure he was cheating on her. No proof, but she decided not to stick around to even find out. She said that in retrospect she wouldn't have left him but tried to work it out and that she beat herself up over that for years afterward. She said she was very young and it never occurred to her that it could have been fixed. But the fact that he's still doing it I think gave her new revelations on that.

I'm beginning to think that WH isn't capable of being faithful. I think it's an inherent character flaw. Maybe he thinks he's entitled or something. His father committed suicide when WH was 9 years old and I do believe that it had to do with adultry (from family gossip) but WH and MIL have never told me that for sure.

I'm getting to a point where I'm a lot more at peace with the idea of divorce.

Okay....but my bio-dad did the same thing and I don't feel entitled to drop trou when I please.

IMO, that's an excuse...a crutch...his easy "out."

I'm with Pep. Two weeks.

HE has to make the appointments and keep them.

HE does the footwork necessary for you to stay.


Whatever you decide is best for you and your littles, we are behind you 100%.

Of course he's capable. He's making choices of dishonesty and unfaithfulness.

Two weeks of the best Plan A anywhere. Then, out he goes. That will give you the best chance. There can be NO long term cake eating. That was the right advice. He has two weeks to end the cake eating sessions.

As for your question regarding sex, there are two ways to handle this,

1. You can politely refuse his advances by simply saying something like, “I don’t think we should do this right now, all this business is so confusing; how about I make you a nice cup of coffee and a Rubin.”

Or

2. Put on your cowboy boots (nothing else) and go to the rodeo. When you’re done, look him in the eye with a smile and say, “Wow, I really needed that.”

Mr. G

So I can't just say - "How about we just cuddle instead?" Guys don't like that, huh?

LOL!

Like in the movie "Click" when the wife says, "I could go for a backrub" and the hubby says, "Goodnight then."

Perhaps, but first you will need to explain to me what a "cuddle" is.

I'm only kidding, I know what a "cuddle" is, it's a fish something like a squid, you know "cuddle fish".

Mr. G