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forlife22, when was the last time you had contact with the OW?
I would like to help you figure out why recovery has never begun here. What is your explanation?
Can you send your wife here to us?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Nope, I am not seeing the OW. I've completely severed all communication and haven't spoken to her since.
I'm not lying to my wife about anything, nor am I keeping anything from her.
The fact that would you say "rapist" and "this guy" tells me you're missing the point. All these acronyms tell me that too. There seems to be a kind of groupthink going on on this site sponsored by Dr. Harley, who also sells his books here I believe. This is not recovery. This is wayward thinking.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You haven't sat in on the tear filled conversations I've had with my wife. You haven't heard or seen what's been going on in my house. You have absolutely no right to judge where I am.
Are you a counselor by trade? Do you have a degree in psychology? Then how could you make such a concise and immediate diagnosis based on a few written words in the span of a few months? A few responses posted in the comfort of your living room and suddenly everyone's a doctor.
The REASON I sound this way is I'm trying to give those WSs who just come to this site a little glimmer of hope. To make them see that they are not horrible people, that yes, they made a terrible mistake, one they should own up to. But no, it isn't because they are terrible people. That's what I believe anyway.
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Wayward thinking indeed. Wayward from this site.
There is more than one way to look at things people. More than one way to solve a problem. More than one way to look at the reasons for infidelity.
Tell me, what are the "signs" that someone is in recovery?
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Both parties are responsible for the state of that marriage. Has anyone here said anything else? But did that marriage only start having problems the minute the affair began? Has anyone here said anything else? A spouse who has an affair is 100% responsible for his or her actions. Has anyone here said anything else? Was the affair the CAUSE of the bad marriage or was it an AFFECT? It is a choice. A selfish, entitled and vicious choice you made. Did you think your wife would agree to this choice? Like all waywards you admit you never said a word or attempted anything to help the state of the marriage. There is something much deeper about marriage, and much deeper about its problems, that goes beyond cute little terms. My word, you're brilliant! Time to start your own web site about adultery! The Harley's will shrink in shame over their 35+ years of experience when your wayward fog hits the www.
Last edited by chrisner; 12/30/08 09:45 PM.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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This is like watching the falling down drunk stumble into an AA meeting to tell them how to do it.
forlife22, allow me to point out the obvious. The people you are lecturing are in recovered, happy marriages. You are a wayward who has one foot out of his affair and has not even begun recovery.
In your apparent fog, you are not comprehending how you appear to others who are slightly more objective than you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Like I said, the last time I had contact with OW was the night my wife found out.
Why is it so hard for you to believe? Instead of jumping to the conclusion that I might still be having an A, why don't you listen to what I have to say?
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When did you start using the terms wayward and fog?
I have a feeling it was when you got on this site.
Bush has 8 years experience being President...
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Like I said, the last time I had contact with OW was the night my wife found out.
Why is it so hard for you to believe? Instead of jumping to the conclusion that I might still be having an A, why don't you listen to what I have to say? Oh, we are listening alright. And we know FOG when we see it. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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No, I am not having the affair anymore.
Both feet in a happy marriage.
Tell me, how do I know I'm in recovery?
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Forlife22,
Do you see your situation where adultery is concerned as special or unique?
Jo
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No, I am not having the affair anymore.
Both feet in a happy marriage. Really? How odd to be in a happy marriage just a few short months after d-day. That is a miraculous recovery and probably the fastest I have ever heard of. Does your W feel the same way? How about you send her here.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Of course not!
My situation is like so many others. That's what's got me asking these questions. Everyone, I'm not wayward anymore, I promise. I'm fully committed and devoted and in recovery.
But let's face it, there is so much infidelity in the world, so many heart wrenching stories, one has to wonder: Is it really just about boundaries? Is it really just about tending to your marriage? Do people that tend to their marriage and have good safe boundaries never have affairs? That's what I'm talking about.
No more attacks, please.
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Hard to believe, but it's true.
Of course my wife doesn't feel the same way. I hurt her in a way I can only imagine. But are we tending to our marriage? Yes. Are we talking honestly in a way we never have before? Yes. Am I doing everything to gain her trust back? Yes.
We've only been married close to 2 years, but we've been together for over TEN, longer than most marriages last, and our love is something miraculous.
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forlife, but we don't see you asking questions or trying to learn anything. When will we see that?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Of course my wife doesn't feel the same way. I hurt her in a way I can only imagine. But are we tending to our marriage? Yes. Are we talking honestly in a way we never have before? Yes. Am I doing everything to gain her trust back? Yes. What EXACTLY have you done to earn her trust back? What changes have you made? If your wife doesn't feel that way, then your marriage is not "happy" is it? Both feet in a happy marriage. Were you just speaking about yourself and not the state of your marriage?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I've become completely open about my needs and desires, and so has she. I've realized and admitted my wrongdoing. I have realized that when I feel the same feelings of neglect and abandon, I should talk to her about it, rather than act out. Whenever anything happens to me, good or bad, I run to her.
I know how my wife feels because she tells me. She knows how I feel because I tell her. Just because we don't feel the same at every given moment doesn't mean we don't have a happy marriage.
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Maybe you aren't reading:
WHY do people cheat?
What are the signs you are in recovery?
Can anyone other than yourself tell you when you are in recovery?
Do people that tend to their marriage and have good safe boundaries never experience infidelity?
I'm full of questions.
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I've become completely open about my needs and desires, and so has she. I've realized and admitted my wrongdoing. I have realized that when I feel the same feelings of neglect and abandon, I should talk to her about it, rather than act out. Whenever anything happens to me, good or bad, I run to her.
I know how my wife feels because she tells me. She knows how I feel because I tell her. Just because we don't feel the same at every given moment doesn't mean we don't have a happy marriage. That doesn't sound too "happy" to me. You might be "over it", but there is more than one person in this marriage. She was the one who was victimized, after all. So what have you done to affair proof your marriage and earn her trust? Being honest about your feelings is a good start, but that is all it is. A START.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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