I've asked all the specific questions, and I've had them answered elsewhere, frankly not so much here.

I've found very little support on this site. I don't feel welcome. I haven't been dodging the questions, everyone around me has been dodging the answer, because let's face it, there are no easy answers, right? Yes, the good Dr. has his system down to a science, but will it work for EVERYONE? This isn't a science.

And I should've read this before writing anything on this site:

This forum is open not only to those who have questions, but also to those with comments or suggestions. So we recommend that all participants of the discussion forum be familiar with Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts. However, the advice given is NOT to be construed as professional advice, nor is it even endorsed by Marriage Builders, unless Dr. Harley is specifically named as the responder. It's available to you as an opportunity to explore other people's opinions as they relate to your problem.

Good luck folks!

Sniff.......Man, I'll miss you.

I wish you and your wife the best in your journey.

God Bless,
Jo

Come back when you're serious about recovery, and a little less foggy, and folks will be glad to help you. Unfortunately, fogbabble has a short shelf life here. But folks who are serious about recovering their marriages find plenty of help here.

Take care and good luck..

The WS is 100% responsible for the decision to have an A. Full stop. End of Story. Yes, the M might not have been the best, yes there might have been ENs that were going unmet, no-one is arguing that. However, the CHOICE to approach that situation by having an A is the WS's responsibility, and the WS's responsibility ALONE.

To answer the WHY of your choice to have an A, you need to look at yourself, to look inward. Saying you had an A because you were in an unhappy M or weren't getting ENs met is not acceptable, as there are other ways of dealing with those situations that do NOT involve adultery and hurting your spouse so badly.

Tell me: Would you have gotten M'd if your spouse had told you "if you don't meet my ENs all the time, I will engage in adultery"?

Forlife, this IS a place of understanding and healing.

I don't think you're getting a very important point.

If a marriage is bad and a person isn't getting their needs met, an honorable, honest and decent person would (a) tell their spouse and try and work it out; (b) get marriage counseling and try to make it better or (c) get a divorce and THEN find someone new after a sufficient time to heal from the divorce-- because divorce hurts.

A spouse becomes a dishonorable, deceitful and immoral person when they choose to sneak around, flirt, lie to their spouse, and commit adultery (either emotional or physical.)

The difference in these two types of people has NOTHING whatsoever to do with the state of their marriage or whether their spouse is horrible.

See?

BUT, being a dishonorable, deceitful and immoral person doesn't mean that person can't have a heart change and experience true remorse and sorrow for what they've done.

The first step is to OWN that they were a dishonorable, deceitful and immoral person when they CHOSE to cheat and NEVER blaming their marriage or their spouse for what they did.

See?