Wow! Kewl.

Did they tell you what your rights are as the homeowner?

This partying thing is not my thing. I would rather be at home shooting fireworks with the kids. When I told her that I did not want to go she said that I never want to do anything "Fun". She said the last time we went out for New Years was in 1999. I said yeah we had 1 3 year old daughter and we went to the Cotton Bowl game. And so what is wrong with me not wanting to party any longer, and get stumbling drunk. I am trying to set a good example for 2 girls and that just is not me anymore. I am not in college anymore I have grown up. I tell you I do not know this woman anymore. Even when we got married back in 1994, she did not act liek this. What is all of this behavior.

They told me that they had no problem coming to the house and doing this. I told them my reasons and they understood. Seems like this is not the first time they have done this.

Good.

Please document that you suspect drug use due to her weight loss.

What is up with this partying thing all of the time. I guess that I am no "FUN" or I am a fuddie duddie because I would rather spend time with my kids and that is what is "FUN" for me.

C'mon man ... FOCUS!!!

The "WHY" doesn't really matter at this point. Your GOAL is to gain full custody and negotiate a favorable property settlement for you and your D's.

We've ALL played these mental mind games about what happened to our WW's ... but I'm afraid that I'll NEVER UNDERSTAND exactly what brought about my FWW's aberration of her normal character ... and honestly, I'm not sure that ANY explanation would make it easier for me to deal with ... so FOCUS on the task at hand and keep your eye on your GOAL.

NOW, BACK TO REALITY ... I think we're all in agreement that the chances of her pulling some type of stunt this evening are pretty high. It's your life and your W ... you KNOW her better than anyone, even in her altered state ... what does your "gut" tell you is the most likely circumstance that would occur?

WHAT is it that makes her want to go to this party so badly?

WHY is she trying to get you to go, rather than her flying solo this evening? ... or is it just an act for your benefit, so she can pick a fight and storm out on her own?

WHO will be there? ... and ex-college flame? ... and old girlfriend "wingman"/partner in crime?

WHERE is the party? ... a private home (friend or foe)? ... a public place/club/meeting hall? ... close to OM2?

HOW many are planning to attend? ... a few close friends? ... a lot of loosely aligned acquaintances that wouldn't really recognize OM2? ... a mixture of the above?

THINK ... what "strengths" are in your favor? ... what "weaknesses" of your WW can you exploit?

hogfan,

I busted your chops pretty hard early on, but now that you've made up your mind and taken action, there are many of us that are willing to help. Help us to help you ... what tidbits of info do you possess that maybe you don't think are important.

You are VERY CLOSE to this situation, but sometimes you can be TOO close to see it for what it really is ... we've got a couple of hours to brainstorm ... use the resources at your disposal and seek out the experience of those who unfortunately have travelled this path before. Possibly one of those tidbits of info will strike a chord with one of us who experienced something similar.

It's actually somewhat common for people with unaddressed issues to, at one point, decide they 'missed out' on what they wanted in life, and to decide to chuck everything and go for it. Mid life crisis, 7 year itch, whatever you call it, it's human nature to grow up with all these ideals of what life will be like, settle into what you can achieve at the time, and then eventually wake up and say, wait a minute, what about all that other stuff. And it happens to a whole lot of women, because they put their own lives on hold to become mother/housewife/wife/everything else, until the kids are grown, and then look around and say 'what happened to MY life?' Sometimes they don't wait til the kids are grown; depends on their selfishness and their FOO. Granted, though, most people handle it a lot better than your W.

I agree totally and in my opinion people who claim MLC are weak minded.

OK My Rev thanks for being on myside and helping. This is what I know about this party.

1. She claims she wants to do something with me tonight because we have not been out on New years eve since we have not done anything since we went to the Cotton Bowl game in 1999. She claims she wants me to go and have fun. (not my type of fun any longer)

2. This party is at a private house.

3. These are old friends from college that were part of my fraternitiy.

4. She aksed me last week if I wanted to have one at our house and I said no.

5. Why she wants to go so bad the only thing I can think of is the last time she went to a party like this is when she got so drunk?

6. It will not be close to OM1 or 2 unless they have been invited.

7. I will only know the owners of the house unless they have invited some other colleges friends.

8. The owners of the house I have not seen or talked to in years.

9. I do not know how many people will be there.

10. I am sure that if OM2 arrived he would not be recognized.

11. My ww has not really told me anything about this party except that we were invited by the wife of an old fraternitiy brother.

12. My gut tells me that she will be all over the first guy that shows her some attention.

That is really all I know about the party. Now what do we do?

Like I said ... I don't have the answers ... likely you have more information than you really think, it just doesn't seem significant.

First, I would take everything that your WW "TOLD" you with a grain of salt ... she is likely either outright lying about some pertinent fact or she is spinning it to suit her purposes.

Here's a couple of questions that raised my antenae ... they may not mean anything or they may spark a memory from you about something else ... like I said, let's brainstorm ...

Why would a fraternity brother of YOURS that you haven't seen in years have his W call your W to invite you to a NYE party?

What is so special about her getting DRUNK at this party ... she can get drunk at any ole bar or at home with you?

Your best guess ... if you refuse to go, will she go alone?

Have there been any other unrelated events that just seem out of character or place?

Now this is a reach, but let me go with it ...

Concerning all of her bizare behavior with 2 OM and her constant coming on to you ... is this really as simple as your WW is just craving attention? Is it possible she needs constant reaffirmation from others ... OM1 ... then OM2 ... and you also? Is it possible that she truly is still in love with you, but is seeking something MORE ... maybe the attention from OM turns her on, and then she comes home feeling good about herself and tries to rekindle that same feeling with you?

That almost seems too simple ... and doesn't explain the weight loss and bad decisions about driving drunk without license or insurance.

Most WW's shun their BH sexually ... but yours apparently WANTS both sexually.

Ladies ... any of this ring a bell with any of you that may veiw this from a different perspective???

Go to Toys R Us and buy the tub of games ($10 for 9 different games) and go to your parents and make a whole lot of fun memories for your daus?

That sounds like fun to me.

Oh, and call the local PD around 1 or 2 and say that you suspect a drunk driver on such and such a road in such and such a vehicle.

Not being a fww, I dunno about the attention thingy.

Seems to me that HF GAVE his ww attention, and still she wanted more.

Now he just doesn't want to give it to her because it sucks to share your spouse.

It just SEEMS like a set up...yannow?

My red-flag-o-meter is shooting crimson banners all over the place....like, why THAT party? WHY is it so important to her NOW...I mean, she obviously had NO PROBLEMS with him NOT going in the past...why now?

It's just too twisted for color tv.

That's why I don't think he and the girls should be home. That red-flag-o-meter is telling me that if he doesn't go to the party, she's gonna make some kind of drunken scene at their home WITH those younglings there.

And that hoovers SO bad.

I hope I'm wrong, but I've got an awful feeling because of her adamancy (sp).

OK! I will try and answer as best as I can.

1. My fraternity brother did not have his W contact my WW. Our w's are friends. His W text my W one day out of the blue, and they havie been chating every since. My WW wanted to have a party at our house and invite old friends that we have not seen in years.

2. I do not know what is so special about her getting drunk at this party. Not long ago she worked a golf tournament for work and got drunk there. Then shortly after that is when she got drunk at her toxic friends house and I had to go over there and get the kids before she drove home drunk with them. Not long after that is when she got her DWI leaving her toxic friends house. The two Friday's ago is when she was at her office christmas party all over OM2 and drove home drunk instead of calling me to come and get her.

3. According to her if I don't want to go then she will nto go. According to her she wanted to do something with me. But if I do not go I will be the a$$ and the one who never wants to have "FUN"

4. As far as ourt of character or out of place see #2. She was not even like this when we got married. This all started in early August this second time. All she talks about is having "ME" time.

I do not understand her behavior with OM1 or 2. I have noticed that she seems to crave attention from any man that will look her way. She seems to be chasing these men like she is on the prowl. She has never been like that. As far as her shunning me sexually that has happened. Before I busted her with OM1 we were having sex maybe 1 every 2 weeks. AFter I busted her it was every other night for 6 months. I have not had sex with her in a long time now, because I do not know where it has been. But since OM2 has come into the picture she will only try maybe 1 a week. All of this partying all of a sudden confuses me. She also sees nothing wrong with what she did 2 Friday's ago hanging all over her "FRIEND". She see nothing wrong with her going out to nightclubs and dancing that is her "ME" time. Even though we both stopped all of that stuff when we got married.

My kids are not at home thank goodness. They are at MIL house because they are out of school. Ya knwo I told her last night that I have been coming home now for 6 months taking care of everything around the house and even finding time to play with the girls. While all she did is ignore all 3 of us and set in the reclyner and text OM2 all night. Not interested in her family any longer.

I am on the phone with WW. She just called and is still asking me if I want to go. She is saying that she wants to do something fun with me, and is saying that there is not going to be a whole lot of people there and they are going to have a bond fire. I am jsut not interested. That is all of the details I have about this party. Seems awful secret to me.

I'm as confused by the out of character excessive drinking as much as you are ... LITERALLY. You see ... my FWW went through a completely unexplained out of character excessive drinking period for about six months ... falling down drunk, incoherent angry babbling ... and her drunken ONS on a girls only vacation occurred during this period. It also seemed to cease just as quickly as it came on with probably a dozen or so episodes over a 6 month period. It is still one of the unanswered questions that I simply don't understand where it came from and why it started and stopped. I've asked her about it, and she can't/won't provide any answers to this "out of character" behavior of hers.

I'm kind of out of suggetions at this point ... with many more questions than answers.

If you were trying to R, I'd suggest that the two of you just go out somewhere by yourselves for some "fun", but seeing as how you've decided to proceed with Plan D, which I concur with after 2 OM, I guess this is just going to be one of those uncomfortable nights that you must endure until your attorney gets the divorce complaint finalized and filed.

When she sees that your serious about not going out with her, I still bet she gets upset and storms out by herself. Since the kids are at the grandparents, I believe that I'd follow her and find out what she's up to.

If that happens I will follow her, and may call the police because she has a certain time she can be driving and that is also supposed to be back and forth to work only. He77 she has broken that so much jsut look at 2 Friday's ago. She has no sense of what could have happened. Her in jail, family looses everything especially if there was an accident, and kids end up living in a box at the best probably. That is how out of character she is. She has no sense of responsibility and no reasoning. Is she 16 or 40? I wonder how shocked she will be when the papers show up at work. He77 she may jump for joy, and that will be OK to. i probably will also after all I have been going through. I still think that I am going to go and get the girls tonight for a daughters dads night out. Maybe a movie or something.

hf,

FogFree and I have an annual tradition where we spend NYE at our cabin, so I'll be offline for about 24 hours ringing in the new year.

Hang tough and stay focused on what is really important and I'll touch base with you tomorrow.

GOOD LUCK with tonight!

I will hang tough, but I will not be back until Friday. I also am supposed to be talking to my attorney on Friday. I will be at my computer until 4PM central time.

That may be why she's wanting you to go so badly, so she'll have a designated driver.

She'll be taking HUGE risks tonight if she goes it alone-- driving when she's not supposed to be driving AND driving while intoxicated.

I would definitely follow to get the location and ask her to at least call you when she's on her way home. Then you can put a call into the police to let them know about your wife driving drunk.

HF, she's not going to get this until she hits bottom.