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Her father was I think a 3x cheater,not sure same or different person. Mother, kept taking him back. When confronted with paternity, said to go ahead but that they are mine. I will take the test but not yet(Financially).
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Lots on this thread..................
First, my H jumped right on board on d-day - while in an ACTIVE affair - and dumped the OW right away. He never contacted her again, and she never contacted him again. The end.
So there is at least one person on MB that this has happened to. BUT!!!!!! Same here, though my FWH's A was an EA, not a PA (don't know if that makes a difference or not).
Me(bw/fww) 39
recovering with amazing fwh/bh 36
DS 7
DS 4
His
EA Oct '07 - 7/2/08 (d-day)
NC 7/4/08
Hers
EA/RA 6/'09-3/'10
NC 3/17/10
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Ok,
I have listened to all of the great advice.I am still , I know it has only been 4 months since finding out but, I have not begun to forgive.I sat down with my pastor last week and ran something by him that I thought would help me to do this. Dawn on another post made a point about this but I think and anyone please tell me if I am wrong.I told my counselor yesterday also that I thought I needed three things.. I have been trying to figure this whole thing out and just thought, what would I do if the situation were reversed..1. I need to hear I am sorry more than just in a defensive mode, when I admit there were a couple of times a couple of months ago I told her I wanted a divorce. I want a very heartfelt apology, maybe lots...2nd, my wife just now went to a doctor to get a physical yesterday,and did a full work up.. I think I need more and to see the results, ie any std's blood, you name it. Finally in our first meeting with the counselor, she really did not know why she had the affair..She would let me know when she figured it out. Has this been long enough. My counselor, as part of open communication, told me I should tell her these things. I don't. Please help me with any and all thoughts.I have to admit and I told this to my counselor and pastor, she is doing all the right things that a wife should do now as if this had not happened. But that is not the point. I don't want it swept under the rug..
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Did you buy and install the voice-activated recorder under the seat of her car? Did you download a keylogger on her computer? You are wasting your breath and time and effort until you do these things. I would hate to think she is that cunning and deceptive. She is, because she is addicted to him. Users will do ANYTHING to keep their supply coming.
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yes and yes. No contact so far
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You guys are too close to OM. Can you folk leave town?
But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
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Joined: Dec 2008
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I think the om is out of the picture. Problem is, there is no remorse from ww.NONE. Just went to couples counseling where the blam is still on me. I asked the counselor per my pastor;s request: Is she capable of being remorseful? Or does she think that she is justified by something??? I left the counseling session early. Because she felt like she was walking on eggshells in the house and that there was hostility with us?? I said that I could end the hostility and have moved out for the past three days. I just think that I will never get what I need and will have to move on soon. Please help
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Joined: Mar 2009
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Jack,
Sorry you feel this way. I believe you wrote it's been four months since DDay. I just wrote this in another post to someone feeling similar to you except her Dday was 15 days ago. My FWH wasn't apologetic or remorseful until our M improved. Only until then did he start to realize how stupid he was. This only happened when I showed and gave him the best of me. That is when your WW will feel remorseful and sorry. My FWH also wanted to forget it ever happened and he still acts like it never happened and that's okay - I've got the best of him now. It sucks for BS but if you can be the best you can be meeting EN and removing the LB and she does the same - you can have a much better happier M.
D-Day #1 Aug/2007.
D-Day #2 1/27/12
Legally Separated
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If there is no remorse, she is no way doing the right things. You will not heal without it. She is thinking that she is getting off easy, because you never gave her consequences to her actions. My suggestion is file for divorce. Move out, or better yet tell her to. She must FEEL what she has done. She doesn't care right now because she did this before with him. So it is old hat to her. Unless you do this and she is made to understand just how bad she hurt you, your marriage will never heal. She is not able to sympathize with your pain. Until she does, you don't have chance. JMHO
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She must work to get you back. You are only worth as much to her as she is willing to do to win your love. Understand?
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Joined: Jun 2008
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Jack,
Sorry you feel this way. I believe you wrote it's been four months since DDay. I just wrote this in another post to someone feeling similar to you except her Dday was 15 days ago. My FWH wasn't apologetic or remorseful until our M improved. Only until then did he start to realize how stupid he was. This only happened when I showed and gave him the best of me. That is when your WW will feel remorseful and sorry. My FWH also wanted to forget it ever happened and he still acts like it never happened and that's okay - I've got the best of him now. It sucks for BS but if you can be the best you can be meeting EN and removing the LB and she does the same - you can have a much better happier M. Listen to this post. It is a typical response. Your posts indicate that you have NOT bought "Surviving an affair". Please do this. Reading though this book will give you a depth of responses that BS has to deal with. What you are dealing with is quite normal.
But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
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Imagine,
Are you directing your response to me or Jack? Who needs to read the book?
D-Day #1 Aug/2007.
D-Day #2 1/27/12
Legally Separated
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If there is no remorse, she is no way doing the right things. You will not heal without it. She is thinking that she is getting off easy, because you never gave her consequences to her actions. My suggestion is file for divorce. Move out, or better yet tell her to. She must FEEL what she has done. She doesn't care right now because she did this before with him. So it is old hat to her. Unless you do this and she is made to understand just how bad she hurt you, your marriage will never heal. She is not able to sympathize with your pain. Until she does, you don't have chance. JMHO PERFECT POST..PLAN D AND STFU..DUDE
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Joined: Jun 2008
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Imagine,
Are you directing your response to me or Jack? Who needs to read the book? Jack! Your response is what he should pay attention to. This is reality.
But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
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