B, think about what Mimi is saying here. What holds you back from having that boundary?

Just checking on you, B.

Are you OK?

Thanks for all of the hugs. I think it is New Years blues.

SB gave me a letter to send him, and it worked for a couple of months. Then he came back again. And really he hasn't DONE anything, just more talk.

I'm going to Plan B him from here on out. Sheesh, he never even brought me Chinese food when we were married.

Things are not looking good with my gentleman caller. He has been in Washington DC since September. He wants to get married, and wants me to move there. I just don't want to get married right now, and might not ever. But at any rate, I like my life like it is. He went there on a temporary assignment, and may do it permanently.

Hmmmm....this is interesting. Think it's a co-inky-dink?

You're going to have to resolve things with your ex. Plan B'ing him is only prolonging the issue.

You are not done with him in your heart. Go ahead and chop my head off. It's true. Everyone sees it.

Charlotte

I think so too.

See, told ya so.

No - I'm done with him. My problem is that he was always the leader in our home, and I deferred to him. Now he thinks that he can just continue on, like the affair was just a long vacation. I have no respect for him.

Just going through figuring out my life. My gentleman caller was supposed to be here in San Diego. He got detailed to Washington DC, and now is thinking about staying there.

That won't work for me.

Yeah...and don't you think he would agree to any conditions you put forth?

Respect can be regained. Happens here all of the time!

Go ahead, try another excuse so we can knock it down.

Charlotte

Is XH meeting A N Y of your top 5 ENs?

Could it be that you want YOUR HUSBAND back..not a FRIEND...you don't want to be JUST FRIENDS with him???

I can only surmise..but I always used to say that I couldn't be my JUST FRIENDS with MY HUSBAND...as he wanted..even while still with the OW...

It was ALL HUSBAND..or NOTHING...

I don't think you can be completely DONE with him...You were MARRIED for goodness sakes..

What is it REALLY?

REALLY, B..

Like Pep is inferring...there HAS to be SOME DEPOSITS in that bank...it is NOT completely EMPTY..and he is causing SOME SPARKS...but your HEART wants FLAMES..not just SPARKS...because that's what it's accustomed to with HIM...

I don't know if I'm making this clear...TRYING...

You see? What do you want him TO DO????


So what do you want him TO DO????

You NEED something from HIM. He knows how to meet your needs. That's how come you fell in love with him.

Sounds like he is plan Aing her . lol

Yeah, and couple that with the "gentleman caller" situation...I mean, really, if GC was really in your heart/really HAD your heart there would be no question of you moving away to be with him, no matter where in the world he might go.

Yep.

Charlotte

believer, you are always so supportive to me and all other people here and now I see you in pain. I am so sorry for that!

This might be strange coming from me to you but maybe this situation could be different if you would have followed MB principles? I'm thinking about staying away from new relationships for two years after divorce.

As Charlotte said, if the GC would have your heart it would be no question of you moving with him. You have let yourself fall in love with him but you have done it while you were still emotionally vulnerable. The infamous re-bound relation. Now when he is not present anymore your old feelings are coming back. New love can hide sadness but it can't remove it. And then there's your Ex stirring up your feelings.

I am not saying that your GC is just any re-bound guy, I am sure that he is a great man in all ways and that he deserves your love. But this is about your feelings and about being ready for a new relationship.

Either you stick to your decision that your Ex has scr*wed up so badly that you can never respect him again. Or, you can let him prove that he has changed and that he really is a man who deserves you.

I think that we are all here because we believe that people can change and become better persons - if they do the work to improve themselves.

Why

Believer,

Why not just sit down with XH and hash this stuff out. You have absolutely nothing to lose. Yes, you may suffer some more pain, but it will give you a better indication of where you stand with him.

It really does not seem like you are finished with this man.

And it really seems like he's not finished with you either.

B,

I've heard of many couples divorcing only to remarry later. I've heard several where 5 years is the magic mark. Hasn't it been about 5 for you?

Maybe you should at least open your mind to the possibility. You might very well decide later that you really don't want to go there, but you seem confused enough now that it warrants some consideration. Perhaps he now realizes what he lost. I wouldn't set the bar too low, but you could be his hero if he was forgiven and had the opportunity to make it up to you.

C'mon B, humor us....we need an "against all odds" recovery here....

Believer,

I'll personally come to san diego and kick your a** if you even consider this. How much money did this man steal from you again?
Get waway from him fast. Never see him again - this is not healthy for you

"C'mon B, humor us....we need an "against all odds" recovery here...."

LOL, Chai, but its not gonna be me.........

And it makes me feel bad, because I know there are so many here that would like their WS back.

On the other hand, I've seen lots of "against all odds" recoveries here. Some of the people whose situations seemed completely hopeless have had an amazing turn-around.

You know B, sometimes I'm not sure whether I really want mine back or if I just want the opportunity to be able to say "no, sorry but too late."