That's a bummer that the kiddos were sick, but they had their daddy there to help. They'll remember things like that. SDGuy, you're a great dad and you can hold you head up proudly about that. You're a shining example of what a Father should be.

When your kids are older will figure out what's what. Unless a miracle happens, SCQ has lost out big time with her kids, she just won't know it until they're old enough to tell her. Then it'll be too late. The damage will be too much.

2009 is going to FANTASTIC for you. I believe that with all my heart.

:happynewyear:

Thanks PM (and Rin). I'm afraid you're right about the SCQ.

PM, where is the Frisbee quote in your tag line from?

I think I saw it on a t-shirt, I really don't remember.

GuySmiley,


So,,,,,,,inquiring minds want to know,,,,,,do you have the kids New Year's Eve ,,,,,,,,,,,,or do you have a DATE?? hmmmm???

I am confident that you are going to have a great 2009, no matter how you bring in the New Year!

:happynewyear:

Hey, Bugs

I took the kids back over to the SCQ a little while ago. They had been with me for six days in a row, and we were all together the whole time, and it was really getting exhausting, especially with them being sick. And sibling bickering on top of it.

So it's a bit of a relief to get some time to myself, but I'll miss them. They're off to visit xILs in Arizona until I get them back Sunday, and they were worked up over switching back. DD5 cried that she would miss me, and DS9 was upset, too, but didn't want to admit and/or think about it. DS9 thinks that POSOM is coming along on the trip, but I'm sure they'll have a good time.

It's all a bit triggering. I can feel some of the anger again, and a whole range of emotions. Maybe just not enough sleep.

I'll be visiting with friends for New Year's. Not sure what we'll be doing, but I'm sure we'll have fun. I need the vacation--I think the single-dad-over-Christmas thing took more out of me than I realize.

No more dates lined up yet. I followed up appropriately with the most recent date, leaving open the possibility of a second date, and I'm communicating via email with a couple of others. For the most part, I'm taking my time. Better not to rush.

Maybe I'll get a massage today.

Wishing everyone great holidays!

Maybe a trip to Daveco?

SD,


Sounds like PERFECT planning all around!!

Enjoy your time to yourself,,,,,,,,I'm feeling the same way, too! Love the kids, but after having them solo for so long, we need a break!!

Enjoy your New Year's Celebration! Time to ring in something new!!

Happy New Year to you too SD. I definitely think 2009 will be a better year for you. For me, I think it will get worse before it gets better, so I'm shooting for 2010.

:happynewyear:

Hi SDGuy, scanned through a bit of your story on here, I'm new to the site and see you've been going through this for a couple years.

The reason I clicked on it is that I noticed your login and have to ask, there's another blog I'm a regular on Piggington.com, are you on there too? I also saw that there's a Bugs here, that is also another regular at my other blog (totally different type of blog)
Here's my story I just posted last night; http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2185326#Post2185326

Hi, AE

I don't know the web sites you're talking about, so it must be a different SDGuy. Maybe from South Dakota.

SDGuy - Good job on taking it slow. Remember, there are millions of ladies out there looking for a good guy like you.

Be sure to hang out on the beach in the summer. Women LOVE seeing a man taking care of kids.

The trick is to make sure the kids don't drown while I'm checking out the scenery on the beach.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know how that is. I've taken my boys since they were very young, and it was very stressful, especially when they started surfing at 8 and 11.

But you'll see. Build a sand castle with them, with moats and stuff. Women can't resist a man with kids, and plus it gives you a very SAFE appearance. You'll have the ladies all over you.

I talked with my DS9 a little while ago. He's currently with the SCQ and her parents in Arizona (and POSOM, presumably). They seem to be having a good time, but while on the phone he mentioned that the SCQ had moved out of her townhouse, which means that she has fully moved in with POSOM.

There's nothing new about her taking the kids to his house, but while she had the townhouse, the kids were at least close to their school (and me). Now they'll be 20+ miles away through California freeway traffic.

I'm pretty angry about it. I really didn't think that she was going to do this to the kids. It means an extra hour out of their day spent in the car when they're with her.

And it's all because it's what POSOM wants. And there's no one who will tell her how bad this is for her children.

Plan FU beckons.

Hi SD,


Sorry about this, SD, especially having to learn about it from DS9!

Sounds like you may have had some 'expectations' that SCQ would, at the very least, if not discuss it, have some consideration and inform you?

I am glad you came here first, as it will hopefully save yourself some anguish... as you very well know that Plan FU will achieve nothing...if not justify further her actions!

It just continues to point out the fact that in your decision-making you are wanting to take into account the kids....and SCQ is not!

This too shall pass, SD, as you and the kids continue to do the best you can... knowing that SCQ, with each additional decision she takes, makes clearer and clearer what her priorities are, and for the kids clearer and clearer who they can count on to be 'in their corner'...and you, my friend, can be proud of THAT!

...all the more reason why the best use of your energy is: continuing to learn on how to take care of...SD!

SD

The SCQ was required by our child custody agreement to inform me within 24 hours of the move. It's no surprise to me that she didn't--she's a small, weak person. She's a conflict avoider, and she knows on some level that what she's done is wrong, so she avoided telling me as long as possible. She probably even has it in her head that avoiding telling me is sparing me somehow, and maybe even in line with what I want. Protecting me.

So, anyway, I don't think I'm terribly angry about that. I just didn't think she'd do it. I thought keeping the kids close to their school was important to her, but POSOM is calling the shots, and I'm sure putting our kids in a car for an hour was no big deal for him.

The anger has dissipated quite a bit. My mom and I had a bet about whether the SCQ would tell me or not. I bet that she wouldn't, and my mom bet that she would. I got the email from the SCQ tonight, outside the time limit even if we factor in the time spent on vacation. I think we'll have to call the bet a draw.

It was a simple email alongside some other logistical ones. It said "We have moved. Our new address is xxx."

I had been mentallly constructing an email in which I reminded her of her responsibility to tell me her new address and then told her why I wouldn't be coming to that place. Telling her that he's the reason our marriage ended; the reason she left it without lifting a finger. The reason she got fired from her job. The reason she became a person capable of looking her spouse and children in the eyes and lying to them. The reason she chose to remove our children from our home. And now the reason she's forcing our children to sit in traffic for over an hour a day. All for POSOM.

And I thought about sending it in reply to her email, but what's the point? All I said in reply was "I won't be coming there. You understand that, right?"

I have another date tomorrow.

Cheers to you SD!

Your response was both elegant and to the point. Though I don't know if I would have punctuated it with a ?.. That's almost like leaving the door open to discussion with the infidel..

Oh well, you know your boundaries and I think they're totally reasonable.

Hope you had a Happy New Year, and enjoyed the time spent with friends, and I'm very happy to see the dating thing seems to be progressing for you. I'm also going out this weekend, but we seem to be sharing the same approach of taking things slow and easy.

Sorry to hear the kids were sick over Christmas, though I do envy a bit the weather you're having as here we're dealing with our annual January freezing rain mixed with snow and then a relatively nice couple of days set up for the weekend. Great weather to get sick in, though fortunately so far the kids and I have managed to escape it.

I'm sure the triggers and such are much easier to let go of these days, at least they are for me post D.. though I know the move has probably really set off the stomache acids. Just keep doing what you're doing and be healthy bro. You living your life to the fullest is going to be the sweetest plan FU ever without you having to say any words.

Take care man!

Hey SD,

I hear ya on the whole sitch. You are totally right in everything you composed in your email,,,,,,,,,as well as in what you decided to do in response. I have to tell you, it has always bothered me when Drac would say "we" are doing this or that when he was with the Ho. It still bothers me,,,,as I am never sure if he means him & the kids or if it means there is another ho in the picture. I know I should be well past that by now,,,,,,ah well - maybe someday?!


There is none. We all know it will have no impact (or at least none that would make a difference in the lives of your children in a positive way).


Good response. Yet, do you really expect her to understand? I think you meant this as a statement rather than a question, didn't you?


Good for you!!!

What a p-u-t-z!!! You don't seem at all surprised by this move; disappointed--yes, but surprised? Nah.

Just one more thing to help build resentment for the children. I wonder why the exes don't move before the divorce? I mean, come on, the ink on the bottom line doesn't hide the fact that they committed adultery, but NOW it's all good, cuz of the divorce and all--washes them clean :crosseyedcrazy:

Congrats on the date. Enjoy your time out and about!