Thanks IRN,
My H is an extremely poor communicator. Communication is one of my top ENs. he evades and never gives me an answer for anything. that is what has been frustrating the hell out of me. I have been looking for other explanations for why he was vulnerable to this and what happened etc because he cannot give me the answers. I Read up on Bipolar disorder and on Sexual Addiction. Both of those could be him, but I just don't know for sure... All I need is to see that he takes what happens seriously and is searching within himself to figure out why and what and how... He still keeps asking me why I am upset and what he did (when I say I am trying to deal with what you told me you did). I feel like I would be better off living with a rock.
I have realised that I am allowing this man to rob me of my ability to love - I am turning into an angry, resentful, closed up, cynical person. I have to get right with me again, regardless of him. I give him way too much power... I need to switch off and focus on me regardless of what he does. Hopefully when I do that the resentment will lift and forgiveness will come?
I think we will probably go see another MC, I will ask them if there is a way he could be bipolar or a sex addict (or even an alcoholic as he drinks ALL the time). I am not sure. My husband hides a lot of things from me. Hence me feeling like I don't know this man.
For me, the forgiveness came after a year and a half of my husband busting his rear end in recovery. The resentment is gone. The hurt isn't. But someday, I imagine it won't hurt as much.
Could you see a counselor yourself? Perhaps one that specializes in addictions? Not all MC are specialized in healing from any sort of addiction. And if you go to an untrained MC, it could be bad news for you.
Neither my husband nor I knew anything about non-sexual intimacy in a marriage. I had to learn about it from a book. My husband's intimacy/communicate got better as he progressed in recovery.
Have you gone to the EN forum and Read Ear's Open thread? Not the short one, there's a huge long one there. It might be helpful for you to read.
ETA: Boundaries only work when YOU are ready to follow up your words with actions. When you are ready to be treated in a different manner and ask for that.
