Well, I hate to admit it. But that was probably better than the original.

The fewer words - the scarier it will be for her.


Fox

I could have done it in a couple letters.

Foxtrot Yankee

I find myself doing a lot of editing in my emails. If I use the words--because, or but, or anything that would indicate I'm going to follow that up with an explanation of WHY I choose to do something--I roll my eyes and then hit delete... delete... delete.

I don't have to explain myself. Neither do you, Guy. You just have to lay out the facts, say what you are willing to do to remedy the issue and drop it. The reason you don't want to go to SCQ's house could be that you have a fobia of driving more than 15 miles away from home in that specific direction; it doesn't matter; what matters is the solution...

I do so love those sweet letters...

In Texas (or at least in the community I live in) you can pay a transfer fee and have your kid attend any school you want. I don't know if it's that way where SD lives.

She hasn't changed the residence of the kids. They reside with me. She has maintained my address as their residence all along. I haven't checked with the school or anything, but if she has done anything to jeopardize their status at the school (I kind of doubt this), I'll go back to my lawyer and seek however much custody I need to keep them at their school.

She's not making this easy.

SCQ: Yes threats, if you get triggered you may hurt me.

On my days with the kids they are to remain at school or at Therese's and I will pick them up. They are not to go to your house.

[color:#000000]and shortly after

The solution is to reduce the situations where either of us have to go to the others house. That is to eliminate the Sunday exchanges.[/color]

SDG: Hey, relax. It's what would happen to anyone. When one gets triggered like that, it's how we tend to respond. Look at what you've done in this email exchange. You got triggered by some of the things that I've said, and you have tried to hurt me. First by making a demand about the forms and titles, threatening with court costs, and now with something out of the blue about the kids coming to my house on your days (does that include when their grandparents are here? Who is that hurting?)

You're trying to hurt me because you don't like what I've said. It's what people do. I'm telling you that asking me to come to POSOM's house and bringing him to my house will hurt me, so I'm trying to figure out how to avoid those situations.

Eliminating the Sunday exchange doesn't solve the problem. Do you really think that we can go forward only having exchanges through daycare and school? What about holidays? Sick days? We need another drop off plan.

I have made it clear that I am not coming to POSOM's house, so unless you're willing to do all the exchanges at our house, we'll need someplace neutral. Which is what I've been trying to suggest.

Anthrax, I’m thinking anthrax.

She reminds me of the Queen of Hearts in Alice. "Off with their heads! Off with their heads!"

"A threat!! Look everyone I have been threatened!!!!"

I like how you keep calling it "our" house.

It's a very very very fine house.



Fox

You can imagine what happened when I read this.

My first reaction (after the spine stiffens): oh, they are, are they?

Fox

Is she really implying physical violence?

Keep your Lawyers number handy. That line worries me SD. Be careful what you put in writing.

Well, I would like to think that I'm protected by the context of the rest of the discussion, but who knows. She's really pissed off, and when she gets that way she says stuff she doesn't mean.

I held up the mirror.

By our house, I mean me and the kids. My house is "their home." The other place is POSOM's house. They understand the distinction. The SCQ doesn't seem to have picked up on the subtlety yet.

Good point. That's just the kind of disgusting tactic POSOM used to get custody of his children. I should be more careful.

It's good that your responded by telling SCQ to relax. Now there is email record that you do not intend on physically hurting anyone.

The last part of your last email was solid. STick to stuff like that. Don't be vague. Be concise and now that you have discussed WHY you will not go to her house, move on and don't get dragged back into discussions over the same subject. Just keep pushing a solution.

Follow up.

SDG: Wait, you don't think I'm talking about physical violence, do you? I'm talking about hurt feelings and things being said that people might regret.

I think you're really angry right now. Sometimes when you get angry, you say things that you don't mean, and I don't want to escalate this any more.

I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm not trying to win anything from you. It's not about getting what I want.

You already won. Don't you see that? We're divorced. You got to move in with POSOM. You get to live as a big, happy family. That's what you wanted. I lost. I lost my family.

Your seeming insistence that I come to POSOM's house or accept him at mine seems cruel to me. Is it really necessary given what I've told you about how I feel? Neutral child exchange points are very common. I don't see why you need one, but if it makes you feel better, then fine.

I don't want to argue about this via email any more, but I would still prefer to avoid mediation. It really shouldn't be necessary, but I'll set it up if you want or still think I'm being unreasonable.

Okay, this is now officially using up too much of my life force. Sigh.

If that doesn't get her to back down, nothing will. Destroying her in front of a mediator, while satisying, sounds more like a hassle.

It REALLY bothers her that you ignore her. That you can't put her adultery behind you. That you can't just be friends.

The fact that she sees that your son notices how you treat her, BUGS the crap out of her. She knows that as he grows older, he will judge the rightness and wrongness of what happened. She knows that in the end, she will LOOSE her son's respect.

Unless you embrace the sitch.

Drop the kids off at her new home.

Start talking to her.

That's why she'd rather you go to your son's performance on a night she won't be there. That way your son won't see the way you ignore her.

When you told her you wouldn't be dropping the kids off at POSOM's house, it added to what she fears the most.

She may have "won" the end of the M, but she will loose her children's respect.

If she keeps up this "You threatened me" crap, tell her you'd be ok exchanging the kids at a police station...anywhere other than POSOM's house.

Thanks, Marsh. I value your opinion.

I have to admit that this exchange has been wearing on me. It didn't for the first 80% of the emails, but the last couple have drained me.

Tonight, however, I went out with my neighbors for game night. A bar no one really knew anything about. Pool, shuffleboard, and darts. It was awesome.

I had a babysitter over to stay with the kids. We have a babysitter right of refusal, so I sent the SCQ an email telling her about tonight, asking her whether she wanted to exercise her right of refusal. She told me (basically) I didn't tell her soon enough.

She can go [censored] herself.

That's my boy, SD.

:crosseyedcrazy: I SO know what you mean!!!!