WW has never stopped seeing the OM. You can hope to be the dad. Though you can never know until you have a DNA paternity test.

I hope you agree that this test must be done.

Chris, your M has no chance as long as your WW doesn't understand that continued contact with OM (her ex) is disrespectful and cruel to you and destructive to your marriage.

You cannot tell her this, you cannot educate her. She will just resent you and call you manipulative and controlling if you try to educate her.

If I were in your shoes, I'd see if she'd go to a Marriage Builders weekend. If the information is presented by an uninvolved third party, and if other couples are there "buying into" the MB philosophy, she might listen. A light bulb might go off.

I think *both* of you could use a course on what makes a healthy marriage. If you're lucky, her eyes will be opened along with yours. And if not, you can walk away from this farce of a marriage knowing that your expectations are not only realistic, but requisite for a real marriage.

Chris,

Please go back and tell me which one off my 6 or so points of data were incorrect I need to know.

Here is why. You said
What you said cannot be true, if many if any of the points I listed to you are correct.

You are right, you cannot make her see your point of view. And her point of view is that she can contact OM anytime she wants and you should not worry or check on her. This is call immature entitlement, and she has it big time.

Have you told your folks and her's what she has done in the past, about the affairs, the cheating, and who it was with??? If not why not? If not, why not now? You want these affairs to end, you need to expose her.

But, frankly, unless something very big changes you should not continue this farce of a marriage. It started with her having affairs, and it has continued for its very brief life to be plagued by her affair, physical and emotional.

Stop talking to her about it, and make some decisions and plans, then execute them.

God Bless,

JL

well we did a CVS test, a prenatal dna test. as well the other man who is her ex,he is sterile. we did the test to make sure.

but if the baby isn't even born yet, how can I have rights when it is, if the baby needs to feed he's gonna have to be full tiem with its mom yeah?

as well, I don't have any money for a lawyer, so am I just SOL with fighting for more than just one day a week and every other weekend?


she's also a very emotionally unstable woman. and has said some pretty drastic things. but she makes a LOT more money than me and she can live with her mom, and have support, where my family lives 3000 miles away. am I just SOL?


well that part of the problem I think i've been trying to have her get it, or convince her or force her to be faithful and SEE that talking her ex is hurtful destructive, disrespectful, all that, she says she sees that, stops for a bit, then the contacts ramp up.

now I know she's just having friendly talks with him, to keep in touch, but it's a blatant disrespect.

and NOW she's giving me ultimatums on moving to her home town, lol.

so i said listen if you care about your husband and marriage, you know where I'm at, I'm done trying to force you or convince you to stop doing something that as a matter of fact, you don't want to stop doing. and it's wrong of me to force you or punish you into it. I want you to WANT to do it. so we'll see i told her I would only discuss the pregnancy and how to be good co parents from now on.

Chris,

Sounds like you chose poorly. It is time to start to make plans for what is coming. Unless she lets go of OM, you will never have a real marriage, no matter what she has said. As for her comments and such, take notes, included dates, context of her comments everything.

God Bless,

JL

No it is not.

It is not wrong. Nothing should be kept secret in a marriage and people with nothing to hide hide nothing.

The very fact that checking up on her even crosses your mind is because she is acting suspiciously. If she went out of her way to be open and transparent with you, the last thing on your mind would be snooping. You would focus on enjoying each other instead.

These WWs (including my own) make me want to throw.

Chris,

Please, please, please do not think for one minute that just because you're a man you can't see your baby regularly.

And that is especially true if she doesn't breastfeed. You can mix formula just as well as her.

She knows as much about parenting as you do.

Just because she carries it doesn't mean the baby is born and she knows what to do automatically.

So don't think that because you don't have money that you can't get time with your son or a lawyer.

If she earns most of the money, then legal fees can be adjusted to where she pays parts of yours.

I would contact OM right now and tell him that you don't appreciate his contact with your W and want him to stop.

That's the next step before you go jumping into divorce.

Chris:

I may be more blunt than others but you should go get some counseling. You are still newlyweds and in my former marriage there is one cardinal rule. I don’t get to sleep with other women and my wife does not get to boff other men.

In my opinion you and your wife should realize that if you have sex with other people then your marriage should end. She should have been aware of this when you got married and you should also have been aware of this.

It really is quite simple. She has always done this to you and there has never been any consequences. You said in all of her previous relationships she has cheated. When you became a couple she continued her normal behavior and you took her back. Now in her mind she has learned that she can cheat and you will take her back. She has no incentive to stop sleeping with her ex because you continue to take her back.
The problem is you need to ask why you married a woman who cheats all the time. And you also need to know why you would put up with it. You also need to figure out why you allow your mother to make you feel guilty for your wife banging other guys? The problem is you allow the women in your life to walk all over you. If you allow that they will not only walk all over you but they will kick you in the crotch just to make sure they own you.

Was your mom a cheater in her marriage with your dad? Or did your dad put up with your moms cheating and now you are taking after your Dad? I am sorry but this seems strange to me. I am sorry for what you are going thru but your wife cannot change the way she is. You will live a very horrible life if you continue to let this happen.

Time after time she cheats and you take her back. She has mental problems and you need to start standing up for yourself.

Yes I agree I can't boot her to the curb and then take her back in a few weeks every time.


Now this time it's only friendly emails with him once a week or so, but like one person said if there's nothing going on, and she feels she's done nothing wrong, but if thats true then she wouldn't be hiding it

but I've also come to the conclusion that, you know, I shouldn't have to begg my wife to not talk to other men, and if was in love with me the way I need her to be, it wouldn't be a struggle for her to not talk to her ex.

so I told her last night that when she's ready to be a wife, and commit to what thats means, and remember what the vows mean, then I'm ready to work on it with her, but not before she puts away her ex for good.

You do realize that you COULD gain custody of the child?

In your position, I would consider this option your ONLY option right now.