Chai, with luck, the blanket may get into the mail tomorrow. I left it on the drying rack this morning. It won't get wrapped all nice and pretty...but it got made and it will get mailed.

Char,

Looks like you probably will go first, so take notes for me. Maybe I can send my atty down there to study with Shiney. Mine commented that things were a lot easier when WH had the other atty. I have a feeling that this new one is going to give my guy a run for my money....

Luna, agreed. I didn't want to do it if I wasn't sure. Whenever I do things without being absolutely certain, I do the wrong thing. For now, we've thrown our stuff back over the fence so it's WH's account that is now getting the drain. Heck, he may even contact me to negotiate. I would be sitting in the cat bird's seat then.

Cinder,

Thanks again for being so sweet. I will anxiously await its arrival!!!

Well, this may be a bit long but I need to unload. The day from H3LL.....

I've been up nights worrying about who will care for this little boy. It's father(T) is in rehab, and its other grandparents are divorced but living together to take care of their other 1 year old grandchild because T's sister is a heroin addict. They said that they can't take another baby. I am struggling to support myself, so I don't know how I can take it. DD is still with the old guy (dirty house, dogs, cats, smoke) but WH is supposed to get an apartment for her. I have horrible visions of every crack addict moving in her apartment (they all go where there is availability) and this poor little boy being totally neglected and living in filth. Not to mention that DD is NOT capable of caring for a newborn.

DD just happened to have a court date this morning for possession of drug paraphenalia (of course it wasn't hers - just holding it for someone). I called one of the city prosecutors that I know and asked her if there is anything else that I could do. I explained that I had written the judge several letters etc. She said she would look into it.

I drove DD to court and went in with her. To make a long story shorter, my friend talked to the judge and asked that if she found DD guilty that she consider a rehab that I found. The rehab place takes pregnant, addicted women and keeps them there through birth and beyond. My friend called them and they did have a bed available. Well, as soon as DD found out what I did the fireworks started. She was screaming and yelling at me in the court hallway. I've been called names that I can't even spell. She called WH and WH told her that he would get his atty and have my friend lose her job, blah blah blah. Well, the judge called her case and ordered her to this rehab place. Judge asked me what I knew and I said I didn't know what was the truth and what wasn't. Judge said "because she has been lying to you for years right?" And I nodded. Boom, hammer down, DD ordered to the rehab. DD was spewing so much venom judge ordered her to sit on the side. One lady in the court room walked by me and said "Stick to your guns, you are doing the right thing." Another guy walked by and said "I know DD" (called her by name) and said that I was doing the right thing and that I needed to take the baby.

I agreed to deliver her to rehab at 3:00pm.

I had to take her over to probabtion, home to get clothes then to rehab. The whole 3 hours were h3ll. She told me I was an effing B, an effing C, among many other things, told me she now understood what dad meant about me being a B and she understodd why he's D me, that OP is so much better than me, she makes him happy and I made him miserable, WH says I'm no kind of mother since I won't let her live with me, WH says I'm just doing this so that I won't have to be bothered with her and the baby, she hates me, and oh by the way I'm an effing C, all I care about is money, WH tried to work on the M but I threw him away, I threw her away, and did I mention that I'm an effing C and she hates my guts, I disgust her, WH says he wants answers and he wants them now, she's getting a restraining order against me and WH will see to it that my friend is fired, and on and on. Three solid hours of screaming at the top of her lungs. Vicious. I've never known anyone to be so vile, sorry to say.

At one point she did call WH and I could hear him siding with her. Nice, huh? Where did he plan to be if he put her into an apartment and she left the baby to go look for drugs or had all the crack heads move in? Nice that he can throw darts at me when he enables it and doesn't have to live with it. Of course he can't take the baby because he travels. Nice excuse.

Anyway, I began to doubt myself until I dropped her off. The rehab was in an old, large home and was clean compared to where she is now. The lady explained that they will put her through counseling and then classes on how to care for the baby. After the baby is born, for three weeks she can't do anything. This is to facilitate bonding with the baby. They want them to do it all themselves with as little help as possible. I'm not allowed to help in any way. The home has 13 women some pregnant and some with little ones. They have to clean, cook, and take care of things. I'm praying that she will see that this is the best thing and will want to stay. Heck, I wanted to stay there. It was like a big sorority house.

When I left, I didn't doubt that it was the right thing to do. I feel like I diverted a disaster, at least for the time being. She may walk out, but if she does I know that there is nothing else that I can do. At least I feel like I can sleep tonight and not worry so much about this little guy who is coming into the world with all odds against him.

Can you believe WH? He's even more of a moroon than I could have imagined. Did he really think that getting her an efficiency apartment in the middle of a drug infested neighborhood was the right thing to do? But, oh, he's being supportive and helping her where I'm only ruining her life. He's pathetic, and I'm ready to tell him so. He has never had to live with her and suffer the effects of her addiction. No, he was too busy in his little F-fest.

Well, that's been my day. A big Plan FU is a brewin' and just may happen sooner rather than later.

My God, Chai, your strength amazes me. I can't imagine the hell of your day. You did a great thing for your daughter and your grandson.

You did something heroic today, Chai.

Try and forgive the people who can't see that. They aren't operating on the same playing field with you.

I said a prayer for you and yours.

Chai...

I am amazed at your strength. This is what happens when you take the crack pipe away from the addict. This is normal, for her to react that way.



You will pull through this, and your daughter will one day thank you for this.

I'll pray for you.

When/if DD gets clean and realizes how much of a POS she has been, she will know that you love her. Heck, she knows you love her now Chai.

All that STUFF that she said is carp. You know it, she knows it, WH knows it, all of us folks here know it. I mean, it's so nice and convenient for him to point out that you haven't taken your DD in, yet, hmmm, lemme see, neither has he....hmmmm, it's a mystery. :RollieEyes:

You have done the right thing. You cannot protect her from this life and it's challenges, unless you want a daughter that can't take care of herself or anyone else, for that matter. It's not called TOUGH LOVE 'cuz it's so easy.

Now, BREATHE DEEPLY... and let it all go.

Hi CL,


...happy to oblige!

Gosh CL...what a day

I agree with everybody here, CL... it's the best you could have done to help your DD and the newborn, although it must have been tough, tough, tough to live through.

You deserve MAJOR hugs for all your hard work.



CL

Thanks all. I don't know that I'm strong - just desperate I guess. The stork is coming in at warp speed and I needed to do something. Her having court today was my last opportunity. I'm glad that things worked out the way they did. Right now she hates me, but I hope that after the baby is born she will see what a huge responsibility it is and she'll be glad that she is there. Maybe, maybe not.

If this doesn't work, I am done trying. You just can't make them do something they don't want to do. I guess in that case, the baby goes to foster care and she does whatever she is going to do. I've never had an addiction so I just can't relate. I just know that millions of others have cleaned up so it isn't impossible.

She did call tonight and ask me to bring some non-caffeine type drinks down. She wasn't as nasty but said she had nothing else to say to me. That's OK. Like I said, I can finally sleep tonight.

I talked to my friend and told her that she was going to be fired. Of course, we laughed. She said that she did nothing except ask the judge to consider that treatment rather than jail if she found DD guilty. The judge told her to tell me that she did read all of my letters. My friend said she was not the least bit worried because her job is to keep people from coming back to court, and in this case hopefully we did that.

I hope that WH looks stupid if he tries to have her reprimanded. I bet he isn't complaining right now though since DD says she isn't allowed to call him for 7 days. Let's see how fast he tries to reverse the decision. I just lost the last bit of respect I had for him today.

"Well, I don't know. After the way you treated me today, I don't think I can do that. I am sure they will provide you with something to keep you hydrated."

Well, I would want to say that if I were in your place. But, I don't know that I would.


Chai


As for your wh.....I now know he is a bag of bovine fecal matter. Some people are such moroons.


If you kept your cool through all of that, you are a super-goddess. I hope you did. I know you didn't deserve that.

Even I continue to be amazed by how CHANGED WS's get. Chai's WH is just one example.

My grandmother always asked me (when I challenged her about dropped an uncle who was a drunk) if I would want her to DROP ME.

I told her I would want her to DROP ME (not abandon. To do what Chai has done with her DD) for my own good.

What was that CS Lewis quote? It's a bit out of place here, but...

Paraphrasing here.

"Nothing will rattle a man like me, he has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses"?

Chai,

I am oh so very proud of you! What a difficult thing to have to do, but it was the RIGHT thing.

And that person who called you all of those names? That is AN ADDICT, not your daughter. Maybe with rehab, you will see your daughter again. Maybe not. Either way, you did the best thing by giving your daughter a chance to return to you.

Now, it is up to her.

You have done your part and done it splendidly!

Oh, and WS supporting/siding with her? Addicts hang together, ya know? He won't have to own his stuff if he helps her not own hers. Disregard the same way you will have to find a way to disregard all of the things she said to you yesterday.

I am in awe of you. You have so much more strength than you have given yourself credit for my dear!!

I gotta run but wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you ALL!!

No, but a Judge can.

Chai, you are awesome! You took her vile abuse and stood firm. You were a parent to her today, more than I can say for her dad. Hopefully, when she's older, she WILL look back on this and be ASHAMED and KNOW that you did it out of love. Right now, she can't see anything except that she's being CONTROLLED. She doesn't get it that this is happening to her because she's OUT OF CONTROL.

God help that baby please.

Chai

her daughter

the baby

Chai,

I dont EVER want to hear from you about that you AREN'T STRONG or DON'T think you can do something HARD.

You my friend are the shining lighthouse in your family and NO, you didn't ask for it, but babe, you have taken it on and are running with it.

What you did yesterday was save a life. You did what any reasonably thinking mom and grandma would do under the circumstances and it was the healthiest, most loving thing in the world.

Of course those two YUTZES would get it, they are SICK and ADDICTS..

Stay the course and take to heart that G-d is working in your life. What you did yesterday was G-d given strength and HE is so very proud of you, as we all are.

I love you,

Thanks to all of you again for the support here. I did doubt myself briefly, but I keep telling myself that what I did can't hurt.

Yes, her words killed me at times. And there were times that I wanted to bust her in the chops. Especially when she called me a certain name (rhymes with hunt). If she hadn't been pregnant, I believe I would have. I kept my cool for the most part. There were a few times when she started about WH that I had to chime in, but quickly realized that I was stooping and so I shut up again.

She is not allowed to communicate for 7 days. They took the cell phone You act like a 13 year old, you get treated like one.

As for WH, I heard him demanding answers and I just calmly said "he can call me." He didn't. Good thing. I probably would have gone off on him because I was ticked that he would even side with her. Nice. Good parent, huh?

Oh well, I did sleep better last night and it has been a much calmer day for me. Ahhh....peace.

I'm glad you are doing better.

The hardest thing we have to do, is allow others to face the consequences of their actions and choices.

Especially when we love them and don't want them to hurt.

I believe you are saving their lives or at the very least, giving them the opportunity to have a life..

Doesn't make it easy... Just is....

Well, I lost my temper today. I wish that I had not, but I did. More out of frustration than anything else.

At 11:30am I get a call from the rehab that DD is having contractions 4 min apart so she is being taken to hospital. I was at the store alone and was very busy, so I start calls to see if I can get someone to come in and take over. I figure she will be in labor for a few hours at least, so I have some time yet.

At 2:30 I get a call from DD saying that her contractions aren't far enough apart so they were sending her back. In the back of my mind it didn't seem right, but I had a store full of people so didn't question it too much.

At 4:00 I get a call (caller ID says BLOCKED CALL) from DD asking how to get back to rehab. HUH? I ask where she is and she says the hospital. I ask how she is getting back and she says she'll get a ride. So I give the directions.

I call rehab and ask her counselor what the heck is going on. She says that the hospital called earlier and told them how manipulative DD is, and that she was waiting for another call from the hospital so that they could send a cab.

Wouldn't you think that the rehab people would be wise to this crappola by now? For Pete's Sake it's DRUG REHAB. They deal with ADDICTS, and what do ADDICTS do? Just like WAYWARDS?

All together now - THEY LIE!

GAWD!!! I told the counselor that they had been scammed. Of course, it was a probation violation so she was going to call the police.

So ring, ring 15 minutes later and counselor tells me DD is back at the rehab. How did she get there? Says her dad brought her back. I tell the counselor that I highly doubt that her dad brought her back. DD was obviously on a drug run, so she wouldn't call her dad.

Ring, ring again 10 minutes later. I answer and the counselor says "I called DD's dad and he is one nasty person." She proceeds to tell me that he says he didn't bring her back, then he starts yelling at the counselor asking her what kind of operation they were running, etc. Says he threatened to do this and that. Big man, that WH. Yep, gonna have everyone's head on a silver platter. I explain to her that he thinks DD does not lie and is telling the truth about not being on drugs. We agree that DD has dad fooled. Anyway, DD is back but counselor has to report the violation.

Ring, ring 5 minutes later. It's DD and I lose it big time. I told her I was done helping. DONE. I tell her I'm trying to help her, help her keep the baby, but I now don't want her to have the baby, and that if she ever decides to get her life in order call me and maybe I'll be here, but for now I'm done.

I'm just so frustrated with the whole situation. I'm emotionally, physically, and financially drained from her AND her father. He's about as bad as she is.

I left to come home to my place where I have PEACE and TRUTH.

I've realized that DD doesn't really want the help, and lies so much that she doesn't even know how to tell the truth anymore. I don't know how you help someone like that. I honestly don't think she'll ever get it.

I think it's time I start giving out WH's phone number now. He can deal with it going forward.

Wow, I got exhausted just reading that crapola. Good for you Chai. It's time to Plan B your daughter. There is NOTHING MORE that you can do except pray.

Turning it over to G-d is the HARDEST thing I know to do, but yet it's truly the ONLY think we can DO....

You have every right to be mad, frustrated, etc. and you having it happen today is a good thing. You're standing up for yourself and that's GOOD.

VERY GOOD

PM, Queenie,

Yep, Plan B my DD too. You can only take so much of it. The probation officer told me that he has so many people that come in and tell him that their families won't even answer the phone when they call. I now truly understand how that can happen. There comes a point when you know there is nothing else that you can do, and that you are just frustrating yourself if you think that you can. It's the same with the wayward.

Not sure where to go from here, but the only thing that I can do is take it one day at a time.