Do the other set of GP's want to take the baby?

Are they decent folk? Or do they just want the State to take him?
I know it sounds crazy, seeing how their son is not free of addiction, but maybe they are good people, who can do justice for this grandson of theirs-

hope so.

No, they don't want the baby because they are raising their daughter's baby because the daughter has an addiction problem too. That baby is about 14 months now. They know that I'm not in a position to take it, and they don't want it to go with DD because they know what is likely to happen.

Anyway, gotta run. I just got a call that the rehab kicked her out. Not sure how they can do it since it was court ordered, but here we go with another set of problems. In addition, I had to have the BF's dad call his rehab to keep him from continually calling the hospital to harrass her. She's had no sleep now for 3 days.

Baby now has feeding tube.

I have to keep telling myself that I will get to the other side of this.

Hi SL,


Yes...and you will.

Chai, first of all congratulations on your grandson!

I am so sorry about the mess. At least you have done everything that you can and I am glad to hear that your daughter apologized to you. If/when she gets her life straight she will be thankful to you forever.

I hope that she can go to another rehab or that the same rehab can take her in again. I don't understand how they can kick her out just after a few days and when she has a newborn.

Is the problem the methadone prescription? Can the Dr. who prescribed the methadone verify that she had to be on the methadone until she gave birth? This is like a catch 22 situation: she had to take the methadone until she gave birth and now she has a newborn and the rehab won't take her.

What about the other set of grandparents? If they are decent people you should be able to work with each other and not against each other. I think that you all want what is best for the baby.

Congratulations on your new grandson. Thank goodness he is doing as well as he is.

Just a caution, DD may be on Methadone and heroin. That is very common.

Hey Why,

She got kicked out this morning. I can't get a straight answer, but mainly because she didn't come back last night. Her PO told her she could stay at the hospital with the baby, however the rules of rehab were that she be back after she is released. The rehab said they would take her for the feedings, but evidently DD decided she wasn't leaving the baby. So, out she went.

So, I talked with PO this morning. DD gave him verbal permission to talk to me (finally). Basically, he doesn't think we will find a rehab that will take her and the baby while she is on methadone. The rehabs don't want ANY drug in there at all. He said DD has us by those little round thingys and she knows it. PO said that as long as she has a doctor prescribing it, there is nothing we can do. DD is using the crutch that "cold turkey" would kill her. PO thinks it's bullhocky and so do I. A serious mother would ask to detox and avoid this. DD is not serious about it. She gets her drug of choice legally, so why muck that up?

The PO said that it is unlikely that she will go to jail because the jails are too crowded right now. He also told me that WH called him and let him have it. WH said that he had an apartment for her and that he thinks I railroaded DD, blah blah blah. The PO said that he was really bothered by it because anyone who knows DD knows that she is not capable of this while still on ANY drug. PO agreed with me - an apartment is an open invitation to all crack heads within a 20 mile radius. I can't believe WH. He is an A-hole of the Jumbo variety. It's taking every bit of restraint that I have to not email him.

My hands are basically tied at this point. I told her that she cannot live with me. I'm just not here enough to keep an eye on her. At this point, her only choices are to go back to the old guy's place or let her dad put her in the apartment. I've decided that I'm turning her over to WH.

She'll probably go back with the old guy, which may not be a bad thing because he will at least be there to watch her. Although he takes some drugs too, he is smart enough now to keep all of DD's friends away because he knows he can lose his house. He also kept her off of all the other drugs for the last 4-5 months of the pregnancy and has actually grown fond of her. He wants her to come back. Of course, never having been married and never having children, he has no clue what he is in for.

So, at this point the most I can do is have him call WH if ANYTHING goes wrong. Today I watched her almost pass out several times. I've seen it enough to know that she took more Methodone than she was supposed to. Her eyes roll back in her head and she can barely speak. At one point, she dropped the baby's bottle. I had hoped the baby would give her the determination to turn things around, but I'm losing hope.

Oh, and the baby DID have the drug in his system. Although mild, he has been going through withdrawl. He sneezes a lot, and had a little fever today. Not eating is also a symptom of this. I held him today and he seemed more agitated than he has been, but the nurse said he seems to be coming down more and more. It truly breaks my heart to see him going through this.

One day at a time. It's all I can handle right now.

I don't know what else to say.



My heart breaks for you and for the baby - even for your daughter.



I just wish I could come give you another hug.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CHAI}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

There isn't anything I can say. I'm just dumbfounded.

My prayers are for your grandson to work through the physical crap in his system.

As I read this horrific story unfolding more and more I just want to shake the system, shake the dr. and to try and give you a reasonable explanation which is just CRAP and worthless.

What I can do is let you know I love you, and I'm holding you in my heart praying that you will find the strength to just make it through today and let tomorrow take care of itself.

Chai -

I'm soooooo sorry.

I've been there with my oldest daughter/stepdaughter - but not with the baby. Her older brother got there as an alcoholic - lost the baby for 4 months (I raised her while doing Plan A while my WH continued his affair).

Oldest daughter "gone" for two years - but came back. She says she just woke up one day and realized that her life was going to be the same in 2-3 years, or worse, if she didn't quit. She went into the hospital the next day. She was there for two weeks. As far as I know she hasn't touched the stuff since but is now drinking too much, by her own admission. I'm in close touch with her but can't guess how it will turn out.

My granddaughter, on the other hand, is now living in a train wreck - and there's nothing I can do.

The worst feeling is the helplessness - followed by the fear for them - followed by heartbreak. I know what this is like.

One day at a time is the only way to go. There were long stretches of time where we completely backed off of everything except to ask them to try to keep the lines of communication open...just a tiny little thread.

I prayed alot. It helped.



- M

CL

To ALL of you who are supporting me - Thank you. I just don't want to miss anyone if do a roll call. Not much time today anyway.

Since my DD gave her PO authorization to talk to me, the PO told me today that WH's atty called. WH is so totally clueless.

Today, ALL DAY, I watched my DD drop the bottle twice, almost drop the baby twice, and generally sail through the day totally out of it. I had to call the social worker up for observation. DD cannot be left alone with this baby.

The baby is still going through methadone withdrawl, although his numbers are down by half.

We are trying to get DD into a detox to get of the methadone. It's the only way a rehab will take her. I'd like to shoot the doctor who is prescribing this crappola to her.

Anyway, I'm writing a letter to my atty to pass on to WHs atty. WH's atty needs to know the facts before he calls with threats. He will soon realize that WH doesn't have a clue as to what is really going on. I don't give a hoot about WH, but I would sure hate to see his atty make a fool of himself. On second thought, maybe that would be rather funny. Not really though.

So, my letter will outline the fact that the baby is going through withdrawl as indicated by his high neonatal abstinence numbers. He is sufferings agitation, fast breathing, high pitched crying, muscle tightening, and inability to eat. His number started at 14, is now down to about 6. Had it been much higher than 14, they would have had to give him methadone and then ween (or is it wean? whatever) him off.

I will also explain that DD has been under observation by the nurses, family and social worker, and has been obviously under the influence of excessive medication which causes frequent dozing and incoherence resulting in possible harm to baby.

If she goes to detox, I will take the baby for 28 days. I'm too freaking old for this.

I'm still praying and there with you in spirit.

CHAI

Hey Chai, maybe the judge who put her into rehab would like to know the name of that dr as well?

There's so much I want to say but I don't want to be a nay-sayer. I think I understand why you would take the baby for 28 days. However, do you think that is a precursor to permanancy? Do you think your daughter would learn more if the baby actually went into custody? Do you think she would consider placing it for adoption? Is taking the baby a way of enabling daughter?

OK....in reality, that's what I wish she could be lead to.

There, I've said it.

Chai, I just want to say that I'm thinking about you and your grandson.

I'm sorry about my previous post about the methadone. I thought that since the Dr has prescribed it and wants to cut down on it gradually, that would be the best to do.

Sometimes you wish that someone would just lock up the addicts and let them sweat and cringe until the poison is out of their body.

Chai - I will tell you what is happening with my sons' long time friend. She had her babies (twins) 2 months ago, and they were born addicted to crystal meth. They were removed from her custody and went together to a foster home.

She has visitation with them twice a week, and they are giving her a chance to get clean. So far, she isn't. I was really hopeful that losing the babies would straighten her out. But she has had several months to work on things.

If she is unwilling to stop the drugs, the babies will be removed permanently, and he family can go for custody. If they don't, the babies will be placed in a permanent home.

The thing that is good about this plan is that it gives her time to change, the babies are well-cared for, and everything is overseen by a social worker.

You might find out more about the options in your state.

CL,

Sorry to see the situation you are in.


If you were not able to take on 'full care' of the baby, with whom would he be placed? Would you be able to go and see baby and help out without being fully responsible for baby?

Just wondering what are the options open to you, because you are right, a baby is a lot to take on, even for 28 days.... and then what?

And after 28 days, you will be emotionally bonded with your grandchild, which will make it extremely difficult to watch that child go through life with his addict mom (if she doesn't get her act together) or even to be placed for adoption.

If it were me, knowing me, and I kept that baby for 28 days, I would have to fight tooth and nail for custody knowing the alternatives my grandchild faces. Are you SURE you're ready for this?

This is so hard and my heart goes out to you Chai.

Chai, I think you really need to look at what you will be dealing with in 5 years, 10 years, 15 or 20 years. If you bring that baby home with you, it will be so difficult to see him go back to your daughter until she is finally clean. And, even then, you will not rest easy because you will be so afraid of a relapse.

However, under the right therapeutic foster family, the child could have a clean start, a safe and secure start, returning to your daughter when she is clean or he could become a part of a healthy family where the abuse issues would be less likely to become a part of his future.

What does your WH's atty want with the P.O.?

What does your WH think can be accomplished by becoming involved NOW in this?
Does he think an appartment will fix everything?

Holey Moley! My head is spinning. :crosseyedcrazy:

I will continue to pray for you.
nancy

CL

No advice. The same fear that PM described, but I really have no idea how to advise.