depersonalizing sex
objectifying your wife

What's next? Farm animals?

.... all for the "turn on" for YOU ....


How is this healthy intimacy?

I thought that the Christian way was about kindness, acceptance and compassion, giving help and advice, doing the right thing... and not standing around in a circle pointing at, laughing at, and trying to humiliate the 'boy with problems'.

I am commited to making my marriage work. I came here in the hope that I would get some advice on dealing with the thoughts I've been having. I have some mental health issues, which I'm having therapy for and I really thought that a site about infidelity wouldn't make jokes and try to humiliate me further.

I am a human, just like the rest of you. We all make mistakes, we all have problems and insecurities. You must all be here because you're dealing with infidelity in some way. Have you cheated on your partner? Has your partner cheated on you? Is that Christian behaviour?

How very wrong I was. And for someone to suggest that the next step is to involve farm animals is just plain rude. I am disgusted by that comment.

Thank you to RoyBatty for your words. That is the kind of help and advice I was looking for. You weren't siding with me, but pointed out some things that I can think about. Thank you.

You say that I haven't listened to any of the advice I've been given. Well it's hard to see any advice when there are so many insults and harsh things being said.

I can see that my presence here is not welcome, and is causing unrest, so I'll leave you to laugh at the next person who comes along needing help. Like I said, I have some mental health issues that I'm trying my best to deal with, and you people have certainly not helped.

Christians? You ought to be ashamed of yourselves. The Christians I know would certainly not behave like school bullies and gang up on people who need help.

Please take a look at yourselves and think about what Christian behaviour really is. I am a good person who goes out of his way to help people when I can. I have made mistakes, and one of the biggest ones was coming on here in the hope that I could get some good advice and help.

Thank you.

They're trying to help you by pointing out how bad your behavior is so that you can CORRECT it.

It is Christian to forgive, yes, but it is also Christian to hold one accountable for their sins.

Did you just happen to read half the bible? Did you just read the parts where it said to forgive people and ignore the parts that said to hold the sinner accountable for his sins?

James, let us know when you're serious about changing your marriage and ready to listen. This post sure doesn't demonstrate any such thing, dramatics notwithstanding.

Where did you get the impression that this was a Christian site?

Best of my knowledge is that it is a non-denomonational(sp) site where everyone is welcolom, including YOU!

Why is it your skin is like french filo dough? Are you that easily disuaged?

Come on, get over yourself.

All Blessings,
Jerry

James,

Do you and your wife plan to continue the swinging lifestyle?

Mrs. W

I think that was the point.

To get you to re-examine why you need to objectify your W, in order to get turned on.

To get you to begin to question whether what you have been engaged in is HEALTHY.

Can you speak with a sex therapist, or maybe a sex addiction therapist? The latter CAN help you deal with ways to learn how to stop fantasizing. Give you tools and what not to change your thought patterns. A sex addiction therapist helped my husband with his "issues" with fantasy. (He was using fantasy to self-medicate for about 20 years.)

Perhaps, it might be wise to figure out why this is a fantasy for you?

What do YOU get out of thinking about this-other than the obvious physical reaction?

I have to say, though, since we've been repairing our marriage for the past two years now (and changing ourselves), I'm proud to say-I no longer fantasize. It's a special thing to be in a relationship where you save all your sexual energy for your spouse-in thought and deed.

I wouldn't have any other way. I'm willing to give up thinking a fantasy that could be detrimental to our marriage (one that doesn't involve my husband) . Because our marriage, now, means that much to me.