HIP,

First off to answer your question...I would recommend you call the Harleys (information on how is on this website) and counsel with Steve or Jennifer. As someone said here, the amount of money you will pay them is MUCH LESS than a divorce!

Second, your situation is very similar to what mine was. My wife met the Troll (OM) at the gym. We are now recovered, thanks to MB.

I would like to know what your wife has said so far. What conversations you have had. All of the advice so far here has been spot on. But, I want to hear what she is saying and doing, as it lets us know what type of WW you have. That may help in advising you, and understanding what needs to be done and how long this might take.

In short...please remember, the line has been crossed and there is no quick road back. Hunker down, get smart by reading everything you can from the Harleys, ask questions here, counsel with Steve...and prepare for a long fight.

This is the hardest thing you will ever do.

WW's story changes daily: first it was "Just a friend", then "only physical", then "there is emotional attachment", and now "want to let it play out".

We've *never* had any significant issued throughout our marriage, in fact, we hardly ever even fought (argued, yes!).

Both shared equally in everything: kids, household chores, everything. Never bitched to each other about anything much at all.

Big screwup was over the last couple of years she was pursuing her new hobbies, while I separately pursued mine. Definitely the conversations were shorter, less intimacy was there, and leisure time together was sliding down a hill!

In spite of everything I know, I still LOVE this woman incredibly much, and I know for a fact that she ONCE loved me as much, if not more. It's just not fathomable how this could have ever happened. Our relationship was invariably the envy of other friend couples. And now...this...devastation on an unimaginable scale for me...

Heart,

""WS has agreed to see a counselor, while still not letting go the OM.""

You may as well throw your money down a rat hole.

Nothing is accomplished going to MC while your WAYWARD ADULTEROUS WIFE is still in contact and meeting up with the POS LowLife pond scum.

And of course your WW is seething with anger. Same as if an alcoholic is deprived of the booze or the crackhead is blocked from his/her crack pipe. The addictive chemicals in her brain are actually changing her way of thinking and how she views her life.

What did the workplace do, if anything? Is one of the soul mates supervising the other soul mate? If it is a larger company, they have rules about this kind of thing.

YOU are correct sir! You do not move out of your home and you keep the kids tight around you.

Your WW is not in her right mind right now. Seriously

IMHO

kirk

Another BIG thing is to document EVERYTHING. Get it where she cant find it.

Document all conversations, show when she is with the kids, when yo uare with the kids. Make sure you are the ones taking care of them the most. Show when she is away seeing the OM (not a good thing if she is spending less time with her kids...judges dont like that).

Your next response to "I want to let it play out" is this: "I am not going to let it play out."

When she asks what you plan to do, remain silent!

I was thinking that agreeing to see a MC was at least a first step. Maybe the MC will convince her that her mind is "foggy" and *only* TS from OM will help clear it.

What really should I do then? I can't force TS. I've requested it many times now!

TS ???????????

That is a new one for me.

Total Separation (from OM)

No one will be able to convince her that she needs to let go of OM. It's "true love" for her. It's "her chance at happiness".

No words from anyone will convince her differently.

What will convince her differently is losing custody of her kids and seeing that life with OM is a fantasy.

Read Mortarman's thread and how things played out for him. It was only hard consequences that lifted the fog for his WW. Losing custody was a big part of that.

WW does not really have any very close female friends. Those that are semi-close I have exposed to. Should I request them to call and talk with her and pressure her to do the Total Separation bit, or will that backfire?

Another thing: when her family members that I exposed to call her, she tells them that I am lying and things aren't as serious as I told them it is. She tries to portray me as a liar to them.

Thanks, again.

""Total Separation (from OM)""

Gotchya

TS = NC (no contact)

Heart,

""she tells them that I am lying and things aren't as serious as I told them it is. She tries to portray me as a liar to them.""

You tell her to stop HER lying, or you will play the recording (whatever it is) to the family!!!

She is totally fogged in.