It still sucks!!!!!

Odd, I woke up this morning thinking about DS and whether he might not be mine. And then this is the first thread I read.

You sure are sounding more and more like me, ff. I could have written this. I have written this.
I do not know if DS is an OC. He may be. But that knowledge I cannot face. In that I am a coward. Would not matter to me anyway.

It is way past the time where opening her eyes could make any difference now. Not to me.

This should be recommended much more around here than it is. Imagine the wasted and unnecessary pain that would be avoided. But I have written this before too. Many times.

I think they are bigger than potholes - sink holes is closer to the truth - big ones - like the car swallowing sinkholes we sometimes see on the news

Appy, I often read your posts these days and say "yup that is where I am". I still love my H, unfortunately. It makes it harder to let go of hope. In so many ways he has changed. He trys to hard to fill my EN's and holds on to me when I pull away...but the dishonesty, I cannot live with forever.

You are right, Pep. Sink holes is a much better descriptive.

Update:

We are almost 4 weeks into official visitation with OC. He is a charming boy. So far so good. Life gets better when everything is not kept only between the AP's.

Hi Faith, I didn't know about this latest development. I'm totally out of touch. You are the most patient, loving wife and I hope this new path leads to greater happiness for you all.

Awww, thank you TT!

FF

You are an encouragment and a blessing to a great number of people, dont ever forget that.

I do agree with you throwing children in the mix makes it near impossible. You know my situation well and you know my h's selfishness and ncp tendencies and I do believe I know when the turning point was for him.

He had this notion that the OW was so loyal to him and that these children would give the world for him and all they ever wanted was to be in his life daily. (Not saying that isnt true for the children and that they havent been negatively influenced by their own unrepentent mother). Constantly no matter what it was, even when I made the suggestion for a visit, everything with the cooperation of my MIL was being turned around into I was the problem and that everything would be fine if it wasnt for me, etc... Well, the fog did lift one day, finally.

And my h couldnt ignore any more that the OW didnt care about how the children were hurt, she just wanted her way or else. Only then did he start to see them (the mother and the ill mannered teenage girl) in the light of day. They always spun everything as a big pity party for themselves and how much they were so hurt and he fell for it hook, line and sinker.

It wasnt until my h started to see the truly unhappy and vindicative and spiteful nature, not only against me but against our d who never did anything to them and towards him, that he woke up.

Most bs will not be fortunate for the veil to fall off however before they have reached a point of personal no return for themselves.

I took the high road, and I put the concern for all the children (2 OC and 2 COM) first above myself and my marriage because that is what I personally felt was the right thing to do at the time. I didnt see that the OW was just playing games and never being honest and all along no matter what she said, ever opportunity she would run to talk to my h....because as the classical OW believes she had a lifetime right to talk to him because she got pregnant which therefore justified her whoredom as something else.

And what I will advise any newly discovered bs, never agree to c with the ow, a truly respectable repentent woman with more concern for her own child than herself will be willing to step out of the way and not insist on a continued r with your h allegedly for the 'child'.

wblessed, I don't know how I missed this post but thank you! As I posted to FullMoon today, I had just come to accept I would never meet the OC and my H would never changed and what happens? We have visitation now and H is changing. Last Sunday he voluntarily went before our entire church to confess the A, tell them about the OC and ask for their forgiveness/prayers. It was beautiful. I truly was skeptical up to the moment it happened, but he was sincere. He is really trying to be open and honest now. He still falters when it is something that he fears my reaction. We have discussed this recently that he needs to be honest even if he knows it will upset me. He knows, change is slow to him. Will our M make it? I think we have a much better chance now.


I completely agree! Though if the WH is determined, they will just take the A further underground. That is why trusting your gut is so important.

bump