Mike...

I came here and posted 10 days post contact - foggy as all get out...Though Mr. W had been reading before me, I posted first (he had sent me a link)...Mr. W credits this place with busting through my fog...The MB forum is a miracle for doing that, imo...

See it doesn't matter a whole lot what the BS does if the wayward doesn't get it...If sadsosad has a desire to recover their marriage, it is my opinion that GM reading and posting here is one of the BEST chances they have of doing so...It doesn't matter if the people here lovebust GM by telling him he's foggy or calling bull on something he says...It DOES matter if sadsosad does it though...Also, she can't educate him on this stuff, but the people here sure can...

Mr. W and I wouldn't be recovered today without both of us being here on this forum...I've seen this work firsthand, so because of that, I must vehemently disagree with you Mike...

Mrs. W

I think he needs to be here, too. Its much better for his wife that we call him on his bullcrap instead of her. She has her hands full. It is helpful for us to see what he is saying so we can help him clear through the fog.

We were able to do the same with tst and MrsW. MrsW had some amazing bullcrap that earned her the TEXAS COWPIE AWARD, which I gladly awarded!

Thanks. I will give that route a try. Much appreciated.

You Ws are wonderful people. But this is a different situation.

GM has profound issues, by his own admission, and I think his presence stifles SSS's ability to openly share, seeing as she is coming out of decades of being controlled by him.

(shrug) just my opinion. This forum is going to be vastly less effective for SSS with her husband looking over her shoulder and using it to said backdoor messages to her.

HEY, dat was some GOOD BULLCRAP dat I had! What, you mean you don't get "clarity from more contact with OM"???

Mrs. W

I understand Mike (and thanks, btw You should know that you routinely crack us up! )...I still think the forum will benefit them both...Sadsosad would also benefit from some one on one professional coaching from Steve - that way she has a professional truly guiding her, who is capable of catching things that we may miss here...

Mrs. W

LOL.

Yes, my wife finds it very helpful that I am here. She can say something to me, but it helps her and me when other people who can see through my fog and bullsh*t say the same thing. Neither of us feels so alone in the wilderness any more.

Mike. There is something you don't yet know about this. My wife was never controlled by me. I tried, but she is strong, independent, and stubborn to biblical proportions. She never took any of my crap from day one and was never controlled by me. She fought me every step of the way, and it was my own resentment at not being able to control her that led to complete disinteigration of my efforts and commitment in this marriage. I was a thwarted controller, and my anger and her anger at my attempts to control drove the deep wedge between us, even though we have so much in common. Aside from that, we could have had a fabulous life together, and we will use those commonalities to try to build a real honest, respectful, marriage that meets our emotional needs. My controlling days are long gone.

MrsW, I fear you are going to SECOND PLACE in the bullcrap contest after reading some of Greenmile's little gems. This guy has GREAT BULLCRAP! For example, to explain lying, he offered this:

"my ego deluded its keeper...."

His ego tricked him and caused him to tell a lie. Now, that is top shelf bullcrap worthy of an award!

Greenmile, I hereby award you the TEXAS COWPIE AWARD for some of the best bullcrap ever witnessed on this board! TEXAS COWPIE AWARD

Here is a quote from her:

""Husband was a selfish, entitled [censored] from the “I do” on.... Turned out his father, whom he still needed approval from, gave him a list of archaic ways to keep the little lady in line.....""

Then you blame the "deep wedge" in your marriage because she "thwarted" you at controlling her?

You know what? You have lived your life getting your way through this semi-intellectual spinning, probably over people in your workplace power, people of lesser intelligence, or people who simply withdrew from the hassle of conflict (your W). You know when to lie, you know when to confess, when to attack, when to play for sympathy.

In one way you are brilliant. But in most ways you are one f'ed up puppy.

I was you, until humbled by my W, so don't take it personally.

YOU, HUMBLE?

Now tst, I'll bet you that Mike will tell us that he is the BEST at MODESTY!

Mrs. W

Okay, enough from the peanut gallery.

I'm serious about that though, I see myself in GM. I ran a lot of the local boards and charites, self-employed, took guff from no one, was good at reading people and blarneying what I wanted out of them. My focus went into charities and community service, and i decided I was a Good Person even though my marriage was slowly languishing.

My W drifted off into her own world, and had an affair. Could have been me.

So, that was why I recognized and had some fire here.

And, yes, I have since won a number of awards for Humbleness, with trophies displayed prominently in my living room, as per the press releases.

That is a good idea. I really have not read her thread in the last few days, but if that is going to be a help, I will do it.

HA! You are a card, Mike!

Mrs. W

I didn't mean it to sound like the deep wedge was her fault at all. I caused all of this. And you are right. I know I am f'ed up. That is why I am finally seeking help. My W told me about my winning the Bullsh*t award. LOL. I hear that I am in good company with this honor.

If you were me, then there must be hope for me, because you changed. Some day, maybe I can become one of the chief bullsh*t busters on this forum, too. I look forward to that.

Thanks for these opinions. It is helping her, and I am beginning to see some vague shapes through the fog, but it might just be my imagination. I have so much work to do.

This gave me pause.

Certainly be a BS Buster on this board is no victory. It is sort of a continuation of my usual blustery aggressive behavior that withdrew my WW.

Aggressive behavior usually means love busters. Sarcasm, disrespectul judgements, angry outbursts, the tools of dominance. I have worked hard on eliminating that.

The key for me is not changing my personality, it is creating a caring and protective environment for my WW, where she recognizes that, even if I can be a B@s@[censored] in other dealings, with her I am a smoosh looking out for her feelings and needs.

Not sure this makes sense to you, GM. Anyway none of this matters until you achieve total honesty and drain that swamp of lies....