jayne, I always used the free printable worksheets you can find online, because I'm cheap thrifty like that. I'll look for it for you, I don't have it bookmarked on this computer, but there's an excellent math website for the more advanced stuff. It's been great with my oldest--not only does it tell you whether you answered the problem correctly, but it also gives an explanation of how to solve it. Fantastic for those of us who promptly forgot all of algebra.

I'll get on the other computer later and look for the bookmark. I believe it does cover all grades, and it's the most thorough site I've found.

Jayne, are you willing to call a crisis mode on your H?

This is all way too much to deal with at one time.

If there was ever a time when you have the right and the duty to pitch a fit, this is it.

What do you think?

Wow. You've got a lot on your plate.

Your above post is one of the very reasons I homeschool. Are they in private school?

The book that has best guided me in ds8's education direction is called 'The Well Trained Mind.' Susan Wise Bauer is the author. It is a big book, but don't let it turn you off. You can go to the relative sections for 6 year olds. And there is a resource section in the back for various materials.

Jayne, thanks for sharing all that. Have I shared with you beofre about the 3 A's - Awareness, Acceptance, Action? So now you have a whole bunch of awareness about the today's circumstances, and where they match what you want and where they don't match what you want. Then, there is some anger before you come to Acceptance, that this is where things are today. The anger, the "this shouldn't be this way," is normal, something we've all been going through, again and again. Have I got it so far?

But the cool thing is that you are already at acceptance, looking for solutions. I'm glad that you have SW here to help you think through enrichment activities for your kids. My kids have enjoyed this over the years, too. I bought the Hooked on Phonics math and reading programs when DD12 was 3, and used it with DD7, too. We've had a lot of fun with it together. I liked how it was all structured, so I didn't have to do any preparation; and we could just pick back up where we'd left off the last time. Get right to the fun stuff, you know? Nothing to photocopy and such minimal set up. But I can imagine that there are tons of other great programs, too.

I hear you about fear of accepting that you can do it alone with the kids. I was afraid, if I didn't NEED him here, would I want him here? But you know what jayne, it was okay to acknowledge that we were okay without him, too. There's a freedom in that, to be with him because you choose to instead of out of needing to be with him. What do you think?

But jayne, there's a responsibility in that, too, right? That if you're not with him because you need him, then your choices from there are to be with him because you want to be a family together, or because you are in love with your H. Or hopefully both.

Yes, unfortunately, HS is not a very viable option for me... for one, I'm too busy teaching other, much older, "kids" which yes leaves me wracked with guilt, especially when those older kids don't much wanna learn. But an even bigger reason is, I'm really not good with DS6a and 6b both at the same time 24/7. I don't know how daycare teachers do it with 12+ kids all at the same time, I can barely handle two. They are really really great when they are separated, which they can be at school (different classrooms). For twins it's believed to be important that they develop independent identities and friends and interests, and not have one always in the other's shadow.

They were in private school last year, a really excellent (Christian) school. We moved in August and this town only has one public school, and I had found one private (Christian) school but it wasn't clear it was in our town or the next town over, and I couldn't find a way to contact them before the start of school. Since then I've talked to the wife of one of H's coworkers who at times has sent her kids there and at times has homeschooled, and she highly recommends it. I'm thinking of sending them there next year.


Thanks for the book suggestion, I'll check it out!

Do you think it's feasible, trying to supplement their school work with stuff at home, and letting them continue in school for the social aspect?

Which part warrants pitching a fit, the kids' education or the strange man peering in the window with a flashlight? Or something else, or all of it?

Thanks, CWMI! I use some worksheets from a free site right now, it just makes sheets of addition and subtraction problems. I'd be interested in the website you are talking about.

lil, puhleeeeeeeeze tell me what you removed for being "too harsh"!!!!!!! My curiosity is KILLING me!!!!!

ears, I don't recall reading about the three A's. Thanks for mentioning that. Yes I guess I'm at Acceptance, but I'm still wanting us to talk to Steve H., so that isn't total Acceptance, unless that is Action.

Yes I was hinting that if we don't need him then why bother with him, although I don't really feel that way.

I wouldn't want to do it. I for one believe that after a day of school 6 year olds are exhausted and their minds won't work well for supplemental work.

As for the social aspect...not sure I'd want my 6 year olds socialized by 12(usually more than that in a class) other 6 year olds. But if hs'ling is truly not an option, I'd not worry too much about the rest of this year.

Read the book and work up a supplemental summer program for them. Probably an hour a day of reading and math and extra for some projects will do it. That will easily catch them back up to their potential and have them ready for a more advanced (hopefully) private school in fall of this year.

The 3 As is an Alanon concept, but I've talked about it at length on my thread. I've talked about a lot of things at length on my thread though, LOL, so I see how this one slipped through. Just something I think of when I find myself frustrated, because where I get stuck sometimes is the Acceptance part, because of my filters.

Like your H saying that it's okay that someone's shining a light in your window. And I'd think, no, this is not how it's supposed to work. I'm supposed to have the 6th sense, and he's supposed to take it from there. Unfortunately, my 6th sense isn't entirely foolproof. Our car was stolen from in front of our house 3 times, and we both slept through it each time. But when there's a rat, don't worry, it's not often, but that I hear, and wake H up, and he takes care of it from there. So I think rats aren't as smart as car thieves in being quiet.

But anyhow, if I woke H, and he didn't wake up, then that's new information. We don't have the same agreement anymore, and I'd have to think through that. Am I enthusiastic about this new agreement? What would make me enthusiastic? Maybe a dog? But jayne, if you get a dog, who would care for him when you're away? What would make your H enthusiastic about this?

I used to get really resentful when my H left me with a dog that saw him and not me as the calming leader. He would act out a lot from missing my H, dragging the garbage out of the wastebasket all over the house, chewing furniture, soiling in the house, vomiting from the stuff he found in the wastebasket to eat. So this dog, I have taken a lot more initiative with, instead of leaving it to H all the time. Just like people in Mortarman's Husbands and Wives thread, I think maybe dogs too respect and feel protected more with the ones who do a lot for them. So then, when H is away, it's okay, she's comfortable and used to me doing her routines with her instead.

Edited to add that I think talking with Steve is Action in that you believe that there are solutions and are willing and are taking steps to find them.

All of it. Not talking, not participating, not helping, but not getting up to protect your family in the event of a burglar would top MY list! Use that to approach him. Tell him that that incident has taught you that he wishes to engage in the family only as much as he has to to get to stay there, and that you can't survive like that. You need to let him know how close you are to losing it. And yes, I think you ARE close to losing it. I hear desperation in every post you make. You need to give him one chance to fix it before you look for other options. Cos I really don't think you can survive like this for long.

LOL or it could just be my poor memory!

LOL!


I'm fairly certain he was "awake" enough to decide whether or not he wanted to wake up. E.g., if it had been his cell phone ringing and he knew he was on call, he woulda woken up. Or if I'd been saying "The shift operator's on the phone, there's a problem and they need to talk to you." then he woulda woken up. BTDT. If one of the kids had been throwing up, then (after some incidents where he DIDNT get up but heard about it afterward) he prolly wouldn't get up right away, but he would join me after thinking about it for a couple minutes.

There's even been times recently when he's woken up for the kids instead of me, when he was working from home and I was very sleep deprived, and/or if I fell asleep with headphones on listening to a tape to help you fall asleep.

So based on lots of prior experience, I'm fairly certain he coulda woken up if he so chose. He just hates to talk to ppl and that prolly includes at midnight when he's just wearing underwear and a strange man is shining a flashlight through the window. So he wanted me to handle it.


He's recently been saying that it's ok if I get a dog. But yes, if I'm away he would have to take care of it, and he hasn't said he's "enthusiastic" about it.

Or maybe the kids would take care of it. What's there to do? Let it outside to play with the kids, and put down fresh water and food. Scritch it behind the ears when requested. It would need to go outside in the mornings as well, and the kids couldn't be relied on to do that.


My dog *never* did that!

I can see how that would make you resentful though. Different breeds are vastly incredibly absolutely different, and within each breed there can be easy dogs and hard dogs, and well-trained dogs and unsocialized dogs, and everything in between. I'm very cautious about choosing a dog, and only from a responsible breeder with whom I can have a good relationship for the life of the dog. Not to say that you weren't careful. I would look for a dog that has the same traits as my dog had.


Hmm, I'll have to catch up on MM's thread.

But, that's too close to delivering an ultimatum that I'm not prepared to follow up on.

I'm not prepared to look for other options if you mean leaving him.

I guess if you mean getting outside help like a dog for the company and protection he isn't offering, and looking for solutions to the kids' care, education, discipline without him since he isn't offering input, then yes I'm pretty darn close to that, if not already there.

I think Steve is gonna try to let him know that things are serious, this isn't just a whiny overly demanding "high maintenance" (grr) wife and it isn't reasonable to just give a pat on the head, humor once in awhile, but basically ignore.

But he's mostly away for the next two weeks, and he's too preoccupied before leaving for me to think it would do any good to schedule an appointment before he leaves. Steve suggested that I ask him to take HNHN with him on this trip. Since I loaned our copy to SIL, I picked up a copy at the library when we went.

Jayne, is there anything else that you're given for homework, too? What's your plan, what are you focusing on?

If it's somehting you're comfortable talking about.

So far Steve has described to me the areas of responsibility (I'm responsible for whether H feels love for me, and H is responsible for whether I feel love for him) and he's talked about how to approach H to get him willing to participate, and he's said that he talked to H about areas of responsibility. He asked us to do the ENQ and LBQ and fax it to him before our next appt but not share it with each other. He told me to not worry about whether H did his homework, to let Steve deal with that. And he suggested I ask H to take and read HNHN.

Nope, it was a vulgar and profane attack on your H and I have too much respect for you

Hi all,

Sorry for dropping off the convo yesterday on SW's thread, I had to start preparing for class. It wasn't because I didn't want to hear what folks were saying! I started out just wanting to explain what I meant by "look and walk away" and then it drifted away from stuff that might apply to her. I'm interested in hearing what y'all have to say still, maybe over here instead of there.

I just have a minute now, but later I may cut and paste some of what yall said over to here, esp. that article, ears! And it seems someone... lil? asked about our SF... I just remembered that. I'll try to answer that shortly as well.

Right now, real fast, I wanna update on how last night went - reminder: H is out of town, and Tuesday nights I have a late class that makes it difficult to pick up the kids. So what I did was, in the 10 minutes between classes, I drove to pick up the kids. Ihad parked as close as possible at work to speed things up, and had warned the kids I'd be in a hurry and I'd need them to come immediately when I showed up. They did well! I had brought in a bag of things like Battleship, several books they could read, some yarn and crochet hooks (they just learned to crochet and are nuts about it!), two lunchables and two apples. Turns out all they needed was the lunchables and the yarn.

A guy I work with recently got two puppies. He had to work late last night as well, and he didn't wanna leave his puppies home alone, so his girlfriend was bringing them in, along with her kid. I think she was helping him or she had work to do on the computer or something, there was some reason why she wasn't gonna just watch the puppies for him. Anyway, they all were in the lab with the two puppies (who BTW are labs!!!! ROFL just realized that! ) so the guy, his GF, her kid, my kids and the two labs all played in the lab!!! When the labs got tuckered out, her kid showed my kids how to log onto some computer games. And they all played very happily the whole time I was in class! Except for one time, the black lab escaped their lab and wandered into my lab... (I'm having too much fun with this, you think?) Anyway, they enjoyed it so much they didn't wanna leave when my class was done!

So it ended up working out that my kids had to wait at my work until my class was done.

And when H called last night, he asked how things went, and said he'd been worried!!! He actually showed concern!!!!! I told him how things worked out beautifully and he was glad. But I felt good that he expressed concern.

Bravo Jayne! I am so happy for you.