Well, during an A, there is no way its making love :RollieEyes:

Pure and simple itch scratching.

Hmmm, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. I know that because I hadn't ever left the family home, Rob and I "boffed" constantly. It was a huge part of our recovery and intimacy. In your situation though, because he's not at home, I really think he should be gagging for it. lol.

Now don't you dare complicate things with a revenge A!!!!!

She was born in the Nawth yanno.

I think I agree with Jen on this. You don't know what nasties he could be picking up and infecting you with.

No boffing.

BigK, he's told her that the "OW isn't like that". :RollieEyes:

Strangley Flick told me that same thing.

Then Possum queen told me she "would never be faithful to him and he knew it"

Yeah, cooties abound in an A

A micro-biological paradise.

paraLICE.


Ewwww. That's what I thought of when I read what you wrote BK.

LOL, yep you just never know what they could be picking up. Anyway, he's telling me that he's been moved on from our relationship for a long time - years in fact, which is why he stopped taking me out and started up his own circle of friends and would come home at 5 or 6 in the morning. He's also cheated on me with one night stands, 3 that he's admitted to but you could probably double that! So I guess I'm better off without him, but it's not that easy with a Daughter and a business together, not to mention 15 years of history and the fact that I still love him, even after all that! Madness I know.

Good grief - he's a serial cheater??

You know - everything he says is straight out of the WS handbook.

Dandi,

I don't know the laws down your way, but are you sure you want to hang with a guy like this???? Given that he is a serial cheater, and given that he seems to have no trouble telling you all of this, I wonder.

What would it take for you to buy him out or for him to buy you out of the business?

One thing you need to know is if this is not his first affair, then the issues in this marriage are NOT yours. Oh! you may not make it as W of the Year, but the choices to have an affair/affairs are all his and frankly they reflect on him not you.

Finally, if he has his own friends, does not and has not talked to you for awhile and doesn't come roaming in until 6, this is about more than just this affair.

You know what is worse than 15 years of history??? 16 years of history and the same marriage.

Having said all of this, all of us will do our best to help you save this marriage, but part of what you learn here is what a good marriage really is and what to do to make one and what to expect from one. So learn as much as you can because oddly it will help you make the best decision even if it is not one you would initially really want.

Hang in there, stop the relationship discussions with him, since he has moved out, only let him see you looking good, smelling good, and smiling. Work on YOUR happiness right now, and make sure to take care of your daughter.

God Bless,

JL

I agree with JL - good advice

Thank JL, you're right the problems are mostly his. I may not be W of the year, like you say, but I've hung in there and followed him with his dreams and stuck by him for so much and put a lot of my wants on hold. He knows this also, he's not silly and, I think, he is beginning to see he has a problem with himself. I've taken a step back now (like the OW, maybe she's seen something that I should have seen 15 years ago!). I refused to go for a drink to our restaurant with him tonight for his birthday as I was going to a BBQ with friends and when I drove home past the place he is staying, his car was there and it was only 11.00pm! So I think he maybe he's having a bit of a wake up call. I did say to him today that maybe he needed to have some time to himself for a while to think abou things rather than jumping head first into another relationship.

PS - you guys are great!

Told you they were

Ok, I've exposed it to 2 people in the community so far. My parents know and now some of their friends know. My sister knows and so does her family and some of her friends, so the word is spreadin.

Good for you!!!!!

Weekends are a bit quiet here. (Americans seem to have lives during the weekend unlike us ) but you'd know that.) Folks, Dandi lived in Florida for - oops, I don't know how long you lived in Florida....

Nearly 3 years we lived in Florida, Miami Beach. Beautiful place, great weather, loved that part of it.

Ok folks, here's a good one for you OW has dumped H! Ha Ha. She's obviously a smarter woman than I gave her credit for. Looks like she's seen the reality of it all since she's been divorced and on her own for several years and he's jumping head first from a 15 year relationship into this full on thing with her. She's probably realised that his feelings could possibly be BS and there's also a possibility that he may, at some point, want to get back with his W when he finally wakes up from his fog and realises what he's done. So I guess she's not prepared to take the risk of getting hurt, especially since she already has plenty of baggage from her previous relationship. Anyway, who knows she could leave it for a couple of months or so and see how things progress and then give him a call, I don't know, but at the moment it's off. Boo hoo for him, hope he cried his little eyes out last night!

I am happy that an OW actually see's the reality of an A, and acts with dignity and thought. I never thought I would but to an OW.

So, now what Dandi? Are you willing to take WH back if he....?
What is the plan?

Hmmm, that is good news but I have to tell you that the OM and I went through the "we can't do this", "we can't see each other again" about 10 times before the final, real, ending.

Your H will now be only thinking of himself and how bad "he's" feeling - he won't be thinking of you or anyone else.

So, what's the plan?