Hey superwoman...:) Great that your H showed concern.

I think it's awesome that he shared that with you!

Thanks, Learning, SW, cat...

(Thanks for calling me "Superwoman!" I think I'd prefer being the "Black Cat" of Spiderman though... I'd love to swing through NY on Spidey's webs! LOL)

Yes I think it's pretty significant that he told me he was worried. It just passed right by me at the time, I was so tired and my feet and legs hurt from wearing dress shoes all day and standing (usually I sit at a desk and wear my new - what are those called? The clog things with the holes to put jewelry in? I got some fuzzy lined ones for Christmas... don't tell the fashion police on the goddess thread LOL)

anyway my legs and feet were hurting and I'd just barely put the kids to bed and painfully walked upstairs, so him saying "I was worried" made me feel good but I didn't consciously notice it so I didn't comment. But I've complained to him before that he "never worries about anything", so it's significant that he said he was worried. I want to thank him for that.

OTOH he didn't take the copy of HNHN that I left on the kitchen counter and said Steve had suggested he take it with him on this trip.

Still, I'm feeling pretty good about things right now, even missing having H available to talk to. As much as I complain about him not talking, he does "suffer" me talking to him about things that come up during the day.

It's 4:00 in the morning, I can't sleep cus when I lay flat I can't breathe, so I'm watching tv but it's a tear-jerker which is not helping my sinuses.

H comes home tomorrow. I can't wait. I miss him. Maybe he does talk a little... or at least he lets me talk to him. And he knows how important talking is to me, so he tries. And now I'm tearing up again.

Jayne, I'm so sorry. I hope you're feeling better today. I hope you're doing well managing your expectations. Being kind and realistic with yourself. I remember when I would get some overwhelming advice like, so are you planning this big elaborate homecoming? Maybe he'll like being home more? And I was thinking, I'll be lucky if I make it through the week and keep the place tidy and the kids' homework done. Who has the time or the energy for a celebration? I hope he's as happy to see you all as you will be to see him.

Jayne

Thanks y'all!

Ears, wow I think I was one of those urging you to have a big elaborate homecoming! So sorry. I don't know why I couldn't see how overwhelming it would be to add yet another stressful expectation on you. Yes it was all I could do just to hang on until he returned. Friday night I gave the kids leftover pizza and told them to put themselves to bed. Saturday morning I told them to help themselves to yoghurt. DH was home in time to handle lunch. He was welcomed by a messy kitchen and a bedroom strewn with Kleenex. Bless his heart.

It's nice to have kids old enough to somewhat fend for themselves. I remember having to drag my sick [censored] (just wondering if that will be censored) outa bed when I felt much worse than this.

Lil honey, I'm sorry it felt like I was ignoring ya! Ears can tell you, I have a nasty habit of *not* replying to my closest friends, cus I figure I need to wait until I can put more thought into it... and that time almost never comes in this household! It's much easier to do 5 minutes of drive-by posting to someone else. I'm trying to overcome that tendency though. Not quite there yet.

No worries, jayne! I don't think that it was bad advice. I was dropping huge expectations on myself, too, or the suggestions wouldn't have strick a nerve with me. But anyway, I see that in you, too, so I'm glad to see you do what you can, just for today, instead of driving yourself to resentment.

DH is back!!!

He was in San Francisco last week, and in Vegas this week. He's back now! And I missed him! And when he came in, he wanted to tell me all sortsa stuff! He talked about the casinos, the fact that he hadn't gone outside from the time he checked into the hotel on Monday until he left today (all the meetings were in the same hotel) since he hadn't been feeling well, the monitoring techniques that casinos use to maximize their profits, the merits of Mac Mail vs. Entourage... I think that's about it, but it was a lot for him. He did most of the talking during dinner.

I gotta brag, or whatever it was we were calling when we were saying good things about our H's... last night or the night before, on our goodnight phone call, he was telling me about his hotel room and he mentioned there was a strip club across the street. I asked him if he'd gone over there. He said yes. I said, "Really?" He snorted and said "Of course not!" In the way that only a totally innocent person could.

I told y'all he's faithful! When I first came here, ppl didn't believe me!

We may not be normal but we are faithful. ROFL!!!

Yay!

And I so know the feeling. I've known since the first year I met my H that he would never feel guided to cheat on me. He just doesn't work that way. Of course, the way he works, people here freak out over all his opportunities to cheat. But if I had to pick one thing he doesn't do, it would be that. He comes home from trips or business 'meetings' and tells me about the women who come on to him. He tells me about how jealous the other guys are of the women who come up to him. He just has that kind of personality - he was telling me yesterday about this customer who came into his company, who works 5 minutes away from their major competitor, has a credit line there, yet comes to H's company 30 minutes awayto buy, has to pay cash cos he has no credit line, and says he will only buy from my H. And my H isn't even a salesman there! But that's the same result he gets from women. Everyone feels safe with him.

Anyway, I digress. I totally get the honesty thing - I don't thinnk my H would know how to be elusive when it comes to stuff like that, cos he's spent 30 years telling me the truth.

I'm so glad he's talking! He must really be benefiting from your new 'you.'

EVERYWHERE I turn there's another sign that I should get a dog.

EVERYONE except for one couple here has at least one dog, and half of them also have horses. Now the only couple without a dog have found a house and are going to the shelter every weekend. They will most likely have their dog by spring.

I was saved last week in my babysitter problems when a friend brought his two puppies and GF in to take care of my kids during my class. I was saved this week when another friend took my kids to Boy Scouts and then to her house to... play with their dog!!!!!

When I was talking to that friend about taking my kids to scouts, her/our sort of boss overheard her telling me about this puppy they were trying to find a home for, and he said "You mean you don't have a dog yet???"

I WASN'T saved when there was a guy shining a flashlight in the window at midnight, because I DON'T have a dog. I had to go deal with the scary flashlight guy all by myself.

And now this:

"... and I'm getting a dog."

I think God's trying to tell me something.

I'm sure you've heard that God spelled backwards is dog... but there's more: GSD is only one letter away from God!

Jayne, can you get your H to go see Hotel for Dogs with you this weekend? We saw it last night (H didn't want to go but afterward kept raving about how great it was) and it was great! But the best thing was seeing 100 different kinds of dogs and seeing how heartwarming they all were. I dare anyone to see that movie and not want a dog!

Oh, and if you go, stay for the credits. They film all the cast and crew with their own dogs - SO CUTE!

And I'm a cat person! Oh, there was one guy near the end who brought his (horror) cat to be filmed! It was so cute - the cat kept leaving him to go do his own thing, and the guy had to keep chasing it down. So cute!

Did you read my thread? I know this wouldn't happen to you. But if your H isn't a dog person, wouldn't your GSD be without a pack leader when you're gone? You can't even reliably count on your H to tend to you, how is it reasonable to trust that they'd take care of a dog in your absence? Would you consider your H trustworthy in this area? Do you think it's reasonable to leave your dog to the mercy of 2 7 years olds for care? Some dongs don't get fed when it's left to the kids.

Would you be enthusiastic about starting with a fish or a hamster, and make sure they take care of that first?

How much resentment would you have if they didn't feed, didn't walk your dog while you were gone? How marriage-building would that resentment be?

How big would the love bank withdrawals be if animal control picked up and destroyed your dog when you were out of town because he got out and no one noticed he was gone, or bothered to look for him?

My H considered it a last straw and almost left in 2001 when I gave our dog away while he was out of town. because I was totally overwhelmed with a newborn, a 5 year old, and a dog that kept tearing up the house and the furniture and running away. The "sacrifice" of getting a dog I wasn't equipped to care for in the end was a huge love buster, not a love deposit, for both of us. My DD12 was traumatized for years, that this is what her own mom did to her, gave away her beloved dog. She told everyone she could about this, and I had a lot of fall out from these folks, who came to me with their own traumatic stories about how this happened to them, too.

Reading this back, it sounds very dramatic, and I don't mean to go all hysterical on you. I trust you, Jayne, that you will think this through better tahn I have.

Holy cow, you gave away the dog while your H was out of town without asking him?

I was single when I had my dog, I had an even more nomadic lifestyle and always found people he knew and trusted to take care of him when I was on short trips. E.g., the family who raised show rotties would keep him for me, they especially liked it when they had puppies so they could socialize their pups to a dog with a tail. And the breeder would take him and breed him.

He lived to be over 12 years old, which is excellent for a larger dog. He went with me as I moved from Virginia to Canada and then back to the U.S. I don't understand ppl who take their pets to the pound saying "We're moving and can't take him/her with us." You wouldn't leave a kid just because the new apt doesn't allow kids. You just would rule out that apt. IMHO same applies to pets. You make a lifelong commitment to add that member of your family. You do whatever it takes, same as you would for any other family member.

If I was going to make a rash decision to get a dog without carefully considering everything, I would have one already. I have waited *years* to replace my previous dog, because I didn't think it was fair to a dog to bring him into a family that moved around so much and when I was basically a single parent for most of the year.

But if I was able to take care of my dog when I was single, I think I'd be able to do so now, when my life is even more stable.

We are way beyond goldfish, the kids have each had their own cat since Nov. 2007. They adore their cats and treat them very well. But 7 year old boys need something a little tougher and more active, and something that can go outside without being a cougar snack. LOL

I had my dog when my H met me and for most of the 10 years he knew me before we got married. This isn't something I'm suddenly springing on him.

I love cats. I was a cat person until I got a dog.

Cat, I was thinking the same thing, that I should take him to see that movie! I don't know much about it though. Would it be appropriate for 7 year old boys, or do I need to get a babysitter?

Did I tell y'all that even our preacher told a story about when he was little, about 7, he tried to run away from home and his dog went with him and protected him, even from the cops that tried to pick him up? They had to call his mom to come get him cus the dog wouldn't let them near him.

I forgot how that tied into his sermon.

Living here without a dog seems to be like being a cowboy without a horse, or living in LA without a car.

Most definitely appropriate for 7 year olds. In fact, it's very empowering for a kid.

Ah, excellent! We haven't taken the kids out to a movie since... the Heffalump movie? No, there was another one...

Ok, that's great. Maybe we can actually have a fun family night out this weekend! Thanks!

I think we're talking about completely different types of dogs here. It IS possible to get a dog with a predictable temperament, provided the appropriate training/socialization/care.

The two cats we have right now are way way way more destructive than my dog ever was. Well, my dog simply wasn't destructive at all. Never even bothered papers I eft in stacks on the floor. Our cats OTOH have already ruined our brand new leather living room furniture. Very expensive. The salesman said leather would be easier to keep clean from fur than fabric would be, and it was guaranteed to be strong enough to resist tears, even from claws he said. I found that hard to believe. Turns out it WAS unbelievable. My dog would never have done that.

Plus there's the whole litter box to deal with.

I'm gonna practice some H&O and speak up for myself. I'm feeling hurt because I hear you opposing my getting a dog even more than my H is. Maybe it's a trigger for you? I feel hurt when I think of how ppl were all very supportive of aeri when she wanted a cat and her H didn't want her to get one.

Jayne, you're concerning me. You remind me about keeping an open mind, and then say this is like being a cowboy with no horse. You don't have folks who can pick up the boys when needed, but you will have folks who will watch your dog when you go away. Okay, I'll bite. Is your H enthusiastic about it yet?


Not without asking. I begged, for months. I took the dog to training, but he was still out of control for me. I called a breed specific fostering lady, and she gave me specific advice for my situation, and I did everything that she told me, even though it was hard. I got in a fender bender with the baby and the dog, coming back from dog training, my fault, bumped the car in front of me that was stopped at a green light, because I was so overstressed beyond my capacity. I wasn't concentrating on the road, but about how the dog didn't listen to me there, either. I lost hope. I learned that we have to accept our limits.

My point is to ask you if you see this as possible with your H, too, saying "Ah, heck with it," if the dog starts running away or something. How do you see your H dealing with difficult situations with your GSD? Who feeds and takes care of the cats when you're away? What kind of job do they do? Are they enthusiastic, or do they complain it's too much?

It's not fair, jayne, but some folks are unfit parents. We can say, these folks shouldn't have had kids, but once the kids are already here, what can you do? Some folks do better with more support and parenting classes, but there are kids that are adopted out, too. That dog has been very happy and healthy and well-behaved with his new owners, seven years now since DD7 was just a few months old then.